A Difference In Love Language Could Be What Is Making Your Relationship So Hard
All it takes is a deeper level of understanding…
I totally love the concept of love languages because I believe it’s one way to build healthy relationships.
There is nothing as fulfilling as loving someone who loves you exactly how you want to be loved.
Not only should you receive love, you should also be willing to give it back.
When it comes to love, not everyone speaks the same love language. This is why we must be willing to communicate and show how we want to be loved through our words and actions.
According to Gary Chapman in his book “The five love languages: the secret to love that lasts", there are five love languages: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation and receiving gifts.
These love languages are explained below:
1. Words of Affirmation: Words mean a lot to people who express this love language. Not only do they appreciate words, they also value the intention behind the words.
2. Acts of service: For this group, action speaks louder than words. It’s all about “doing", not necessarily “saying". A lot of physical effort is involved here, because it’s all about doing what your partner would like. For instance, cooking their favorite meal, doing the dishes and everything else that makes them happy.
3. Quality Time: People who exhibit this love language usually desire undivided attention from their partners. All it takes is spending time with them, in the absence of every other form of distraction.
4. Physical Touch: This applies to people who feel more connected when they hug, kiss and hold hands.
5. Receiving gifts: People who express this love language enjoy receiving gifts from their partners. It doesn’t have be anything grand, it could even be a small, thoughtful gift.
In our display of affection, we shouldn’t underestimate what love means to the other party because while some couples speak the same love language(s), it may not work the same way for others.
It’s totally possible to meet your partner halfway if you desire a long-lasting, successful relationship.
Here are ways to make that happen:
1. Get to know your partner’s love language.
Learning to understand your partner’s love language is one way to make them feel more appreciated.
If you haven’t started already, now is a good time to know little things about your partner. What makes them happy? What makes them uncomfortable? What tickles their fancy?
Taking time to know your partner and how to deal with them is what makes a healthy relationship.
It also doesn’t matter that you have been married for many years. It’s possible to learn new things every day.
Ask them the right questions about themselves, pick interest in their hobbies too. Show a greater level of interest in the little and big things that matter to them. Once you know your partner well enough to interpret their love language, that’s one step in the right direction.
“ We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it’s not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us.” — Gary Chapman
2. Be ready to compromise.
In every relationship, compromise is important.
Once you perfectly understand your partner’s love language, you can start showing it to them too!
It may sound difficult adjusting to something that doesn’t particularly appeal to you, but it’s part of the sacrifices that come with relationships. For instance, it shouldn’t be so hard to go on a weekend getaway with a spouse who cherishes quality time. Neither would it be difficult to send a love text to a partner who enjoys words of affirmation.
Even if it’s not your style, try doing it as long as it makes the other party happy.
3. Be willing to put in that extra effort.
Good things don't come easy. They require persistence and effort.
One mistake most people make is that they settle and become so comfortable in their relationships. When there is no effort, nothing new happens.
Sonali Kukreja, a psychologist and writer on marriage.com notes that “effort” means:
- Being by your partner’s side.
- Making your partner feel special.
- Doing the little things, for example, helping in the kitchen.
- Relieving your partner in times of pain.
Now, here is a cogent question to ask yourself: In the quest to understand your partner’s love language, are you willing to give your effort and energy to make them feel extra special and truly loved?
For any relationship to continuously flourish, both partners have to keep working at it. It shouldn’t be forced, there should be a sincere desire to keep sharing new experiences and growing together.
There should be an active commitment towards improving your relationship.
To this extent, Rich Bracken, a health and relationship coach says: “ It’s so important to do things that show your interest in the other person because you are now in a relationship, which means it’s not just about you.”
4. Communication is important.
Perfect communication is needed for the sustenance of every relationship.
The truth is, a healthy manner of communication makes it easier to address conflicts, differences and everything else that could be a problem. It also creates a deeper level of connection between you and your partner.
The communication lines need to be open so you can let your partner know how you express love and how you would like to be loved by them.
Your partner’s mind is not an open book that you can read from. Talk to them to know how they feel about certain issues. If you also need to air your opinions, do it in the best way possible so they will know how you feel too.
If your spouse isn't loving you the right way, let them know. Don’t wait till resentment has developed before speaking out.
Listening is also an important skill that not too many people have mastered, but it could go a long way in fostering better relationships.
Communication is all about mutually understanding each other’s wants, needs and likes.
“In any relationship, understanding, timing and adjustment are very important.” — Sreemayee Das
Making an effort to understand your partner’s needs is one way to show that you love them.
Final Thoughts
Everyone loves differently and that’s why we all want to be loved in a way that we are comfortable with.
Truly, our love language tells a lot more than we may think. When you know your partner on a deeper level, it creates room for better understanding and communication.
While all the love languages are great, there are some that are more predominant and of more priority, depending on the individual concerned. If you desire to have a healthy relationship, make an intentional effort to determine that which your partner loves the most and deal with them accordingly.
Learning to understand your partner’s love language could also be what you need to re-ignite the spark in your relationship.
Remember, a relationship is a two-way street. You don’t even have to wait for your partner to set the ball rolling, you can start already.