The Twelve Steps Of Transition

Summary

The article discusses how the 12-step program framework, traditionally used for addiction recovery, can be adapted to support individuals transitioning to their authentic gender identity.

Abstract

The author of the article shares their personal journey of using 12-step programs, initially designed for substance abuse recovery, to navigate their transition in gender identity. Drawing parallels between the process of recovery from addiction and the process of transitioning, the author explains how the adapted 12 steps can help individuals embrace their true selves, confront past traumas, and seek support from a higher power or community. The author emphasizes the importance of self-empowerment and authenticity in both recovery and transition, and how the adapted steps facilitate a journey towards self-acceptance and healing.

Opinions

The author believes that 12-step programs can be adapted beyond their traditional scope to assist with issues like gender transition.
They suggest that mood-altering relationships can be as dangerous as drugs and alcohol.
The author holds the view that extreme dysfunction in their past, including exposure to a family cult, conversion therapy, and an abusive relationship, was a significant barrier to embracing their authentic gender identity.
They assert that the process of transitioning is not just about physical changes but also involves confronting internal fears and societal expectations.
The author expresses that the 12 steps, when applied to transitioning, can lead to a spiritual awakening and a deeper connection with one's authentic self on the gender spectrum.
They advocate for the importance of self-forgiveness and making amends as part of the transition process, similar to the steps taken in recovery programs.
The author encourages ongoing self-reflection and meditation to maintain a conscious contact with one's authentic gender identity.
They recommend carrying the message of these adapted steps to others in the transgender and queer community to foster support and understanding.

My most dangerous drug

I don’t drink, and I’m an atheist, so my first sponsor had to adapt the program in a few ways. They had no idea how far I’d take the limits of the 12 steps — or how far they would take me.

Like many people in fellowships such as Al-Anon, ACoA, and CODA, my most dangerous drug was mood-altering people. An abuser can give you a euphoric high like no other if you last long enough to receive a Love Bomb.

A Love Bomb isn’t just about intense affection. The abuser seduces you into a state of vulnerability so they can then feed off that energy. It’s why you’re likely to find seemingly benevolent abusers (like my qualifier) hiding in the plain sight of health industries like massage, medicine, teaching, and social work.

They validate your most vulnerable parts, all while planting the seeds of dependency.

My most vulnerable parts

As a kid, I survived my family’s cult, then trans conversion therapy, then a quasi-incestuous and co-dependent relationship with the seduction guru/con artist I once called my brother.

I grew up in extreme dysfunction. Even when I broke free from those people, I carried the pattern of dysfunction with me. I became my own worst abuser.

It’s no wonder I felt insane

For a time, drugs — be they a substance or a person — gave me a false sense of sanity. And in that deception, they numbed me enough to hide my true self.

12-step programs didn’t just help me feel again. They helped me face the fear of feeling at all.

To be here, to be in my body, to be alive means to see myself as I truly am. And I spent decades terrified of what I would find.

A path to self-empowerment

I already knew the 12 steps could return me to sanity. I had no idea that same process could restore my gender identity. But when I stopped to re-read the big books in AA, ACA, and CODA again…the promises were there all along.

A healed self is an authentic self. Of course that was going to include my gender.

12-step programs helped me cultivate the courage to face the deep-rooted terror, trauma bonds, and dysfunction holding me back in the past. But more than that, they gave me the clarity to confront the part I can play in every moment after this one.

Here is my version of the twelve steps and how they help me take bold steps each day in my transition.

The Twelve Steps of Transition

Admitted we were powerless over our gender identity.

Came to believe that finally living as our true selves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to a gender-affirming way of life.

Made a searching and fearless inventory of our authentic gender.

Admitted to ourselves and to another human being our authentic gender (or lack of gender).

Were entirely ready to have transition remove all possible pieces of our transition disguise.

Humbly asked the Gender Gods to transition the behaviors that hide our true selves.

Made a list of how our (perhaps unwitting) deception harmed those we love — including ourselves — and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people — starting with ourselves — wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were again deceptive about our authentic gender, promptly admitted it (even if just in private).

Sought through meditation to improve conscious contact with our authentic place on or off the gender spectrum, praying only for knowledge and the power to carry out the will of the Gender Gods.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other transgender and queer allies, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Steps Of Transition

Transition, like recovery, depends on the little things

Are you ready to take twelve essential steps to your transition?

My most dangerous drug

My most vulnerable parts

It’s no wonder I felt insane

A path to self-empowerment

The Twelve Steps of Transition

Additional reading