Seven Quotes About Narcissistic Abuse Everyone Should Memorize
The Lie: I caused it. I can control it. I can cure it.
Do you think you might be in a narcissistic relationship? Do you find it hard to acknowledge how much this person’s behavior hurts you? Do you find it impossible to stop listening to all of the complex rationalizations for why to stay?
Do you want to take that final step and LEAVE a person who was never going to show up for you anyway?
Then boy do I have an article for you.
(don’t miss a video with one of my favorite speakers on narcissism at the end of the article)
SURVIVNG, ESCAPING, HEALING NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
Hi! I’m Stephenie. I survived, escaped, and am healing from narcissistic abuse, too.
Turns out being raised by a would-be cult leader isn’t as cool as you’d expect. Especially when my sibling was born smart enough to show Dad how it’s really done.
1. “There’s a fair number of good days, good moments, and the more of those there are, no matter how bad the bad moments are…that makes it really, really hard to leave.” — Doctor Ramani
My experiences of abuse started with my family — my parents, my step parents, my brother, my sister, my half brother, the groomers and abusers they brought into my life — and continued in adulthood through a seemingly endless cycle of suspiciously similar relationships.
Those relationships always ended like the relationships had with my family.
The Lie: I caused it. I can control it. I can cure it.
The Truth: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.
I began those relationships hoping to finally be good enough for an abuser just like my dad or my twin brother to finally love me. To finally see me and respect me as a person with my own feelings and limits. To acknowledge the harmful and abusive impact of their behavior.
I began those relationships believing the lie my abusers had fed me since birth.
The Lie: I caused it. I can control it. I can cure it.
The Truth: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.
When those relationships would implode like all the others, I’d go back to my dad. My brother. My sister.
Each time begging forgiveness for me not listening to them. Each time promising this time I would be good enough. If they would just keep me close. Keep me safe. Protect me from the people just like THEM.
2. “When the narcissistic person feels safe and has enough supply and feels unthreatened, then they’re good. They’re charming, and fun, and generous, and maybe even a little empathic.” — Doctor Ramani
Then I’d start cleaning. Their house or apartment, yes, but also just negotiating reasonable boundaries. Trying to make the situation good for me, too. And hey, maybe help them clean up their own lives a little.
That’s how sick I was. If you’re reading that and thinking hey, Stephenie was just doing a good thing, I can’t speak for you, but my compulsive behavior was a red flag that I needed to go to an Al-Anon meeting NOW.
3. “When the narcissist feels unsafe, threatened, like they’re not getting enough supply, then they’re bad. They’re angry, rageful, mean, vindictive, mean, reactive, petulant, sullen.” — Doctor Ramani
I tried to help my family (or their multiverse variants; hey, I changed my name, too, though it’s certainly not a secret what it used to be).
I tried to clean up their lives, their addictions, the drugs, the sex, even if just to protect myself from the horrifying and abusive impact their actions had toward me, their little sister.
They reminded me they’d never asked for my help. They didn’t, in fact, NEED my help. The one who was broken was me. The one who needed to go BACK to the hospital was me.
The one who had ALWAYS caused this trouble for the family had a name. It was Stephenie. The little girl who refused to obey.
And why shouldn’t they have felt defensive? They didn’t ask for my help. Trying to cure a narcissist has as abusive an impact as the narcissist trying to cure YOU.
5. “You have to judge [a narcissistic relationship] by the bad days. Because when the rubber meets the road…that’s when you need a real partner.” — Doctor Ramani
I hurt myself every time I tried to cure one of my abusers. I hurt them, too. Even when it seems to work, any interaction with an abuser is simply feeding their addiction.
It’s a part of my own sickness that I worked so hard to be good enough for those kinds of abusers.
To a narcissist, I’m not a person. I’m just their next source of supply.
6. “[The abuse] was real, too. And in the long term, that stuff, those patterns not only won’t change, but could put you in a precarious spot.” — Doctor Ramani
I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.
Neither did you, my dear readers.
7. “You’re not a fool for having been in a narcissistic relationship.”
If you are in a narcissistic relationship, take care of the most precious parts of you. You deserve to live long enough to escape. To live. To thrive.
You are here. You are in your body. You are alive.
When you are ready, you deserve to exist beyond the bounds of a narcissistic relationship.
I hope you will take that step forward. It’s not that this life owes you anything. It’s that you owe it to yourself ❤
WHO IS DOCTOR RAMANI…?
These seven inspiring quotes were taken from Doctor Ramani’s recent video “The Toxic Broken Heart.” Her work as a therapist, author, and speaker has helped me find the courage, strength, and hope to thrive ❤
THE END (DAMN GIRL, THAT’S DARK)
Hi, it’s Stephenie!
Believe it or not, I do this for a living. Here’s how you can support me.
%22%3E){kind=link}