Love/Relationships

The Truth About What A Real Relationship Looks Like

Despite what you see.

On social media platforms, we often see images of happy couples — adoring one another and smiling contentedly.

There are these types of images on my own social media. Perhaps you might have some too.

However, these kinds of images are just moments in time. Captured images don’t have all the pieces needed to construct a practical, functional relationship or marriage. They are simply surface paint.

This is why when we scroll through someone's feed and think their life or relationship is perfect, we’re only fooling ourselves.

This is not to say that what you see on social media from ‘happy’ couples is fake, necessarily. But it’s certainly not an accurate depiction of the day-to-day reality of a marriage or long-term relationship.

What we see on that surface paint and the tools used to build a long-lasting relationship are completely different stories. Being in any long-term relationship in the real world can be a total drag at times, whether you’re married or not. That’s just the truth.

Real life and relationships consist of the images you generally don’t want to post on social media like fighting with your partner over kids, money, dishes, or laundry.

Generally, most people aren’t proud of that miserable day they spent as a couple in the grocery store because they fought over something that morning. People don’t usually broadcast the fact that they haven’t spoken to their partner in three days because they’re in the midst of an epic disagreement and still pissed.

It happens. Life goes on. People make up.

Part of a normal, functioning, long-term relationship is sometimes not agreeing, sometimes not communicating, and sometimes not being happy.

Critical factors such as communication, compromise, and compassion can make a relationship ten times better and last much longer. Most of us know that we need to practice these things to keep our relationships running smoothly. But a lot of the time we fail at that relationship maintenance.

We get tired. We get sloppy. We don’t live inside of those perfect-looking Instagram images.

Couples don’t tend to share their relationship failures openly — but maybe we all should start doing more of that — especially for our children.

Maybe we should be a bit more honest about how irritating living with another person can be when you just want some alone time, or how truly difficult it can be to keep a marriage intact, especially when you add in the kids, jobs, responsibility, and financial stress.

I think many of us would feel a lot better if we knew that everyone goes through ‘relationship blues.’

Knowing that great relationships have problems and healthy relationships aren’t always perfect is reassuring. It’s also good for our children to know that the perfect relationship or marriage simply does not exist.

Real relationships are not Hallmark cards or long walks on the beach into infinity and marriage isn’t just a decadent wedding or a bejeweled dress.

Being in a long-term relationship with someone is just the beginning of the complicated road of partnership which includes tremendously challenging and ever-changing dynamics. It’s the dawn of many relationships within one. What your relationship was when you first started is not what it will be in five years, ten years, or beyond.

You’ll go through phases of being extremely satisfied with your partner and also go through phases of discontent. You’ll go through years of being deeply in love and also have random moments of wondering what would have happened if you’d chosen differently. This is normal.

It’s impossible to be happy all the time. Why would you want to be? That’s what makes the journey of a relationship so compelling and desirable. The imperfection of it all.

Perhaps that’s what we should all strive for. Healthy Imperfection instead of just perfection. That’s where the true beauty and passion of a real relationship lie.

When two people can love each other through all of the mistakes and flaws yet still function together as a solid unit — that’s real.

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