The Role of Empathy and How to Increase its Levels in Children

“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.

Every concerned parent wants the best for their child. This sometimes includes thinking about what qualities he or she wants to have in order to live a happy and fulfilling adult life. In our society, personality character traits such as intelligence, confidence, honesty, and curiosity are some of the most common ones that parents dream their children to possess.

In recent decades, however, increasing attention has begun to be paid not only to children’s minds and their development but also to children’s emotional world and its proper construction. An intelligent person who does not know how to express his emotions properly or to control them has difficulties in communicating with others, as well as in achieving a mental balance with himself.

If more people possessed the ability to feel other people’s emotions and were willing to put themselves in their shoes in order to understand them properly, communication and human relationships in today’s world would be much more cordial and valuable for all involved.

We call this capacity ‘empathy’, and it is one of the key qualities that parents should nurture in their children, to enrich their lives both in childhood and beyond.

The term was coined in 1909, and translated from a German neologism, literally means “feel towards”. It is the ability to feel what others feel, to rejoice and suffer with them, thus manifesting a higher form of consciousness.

What does the lack of empathy during childhood and adolescence lead to?

- Children find it difficult to carry on a conversation; to make friends; to find common ground with new people in their lives.

- There is an increase in narcissism and self-centeredness, driven by people’s desire to control everything in their lives.

- Interpersonal relationships with live peers are hampered as children spend a lot of time in front of smartphones, computers, and TV screens and cannot face real situations that require them to respond empathically.

- There has been an increase in bullying and cyberbullying because of the stunting of face-to-face communication.

Like other personality traits, empathy is present in varying degrees in different people.

But what accounts for this difference?

In a study published in the journal Translational Psychiatry, a Cambridge team collaborated with the genetics company 23andMe and a team of international scientists to investigate the extent to which empathy is due to genetic factors. According to the results of the largest study of empathy, involving 46,000 participants who took an empathy test online and provided a saliva sample for genetic analysis, three important conclusions were reached:

1. One-tenth of a person’s empathy is due to genetics.

2. Women are on average more empathic than men, but this difference is not due to human DNA, as there are no differences in the genes that contribute to empathy in women and men. The sex difference in empathy is the result of other non-genetic biological factors, such as prenatal hormonal influences, or non-biological factors such as socialization.

3. Genetic variants associated with lower empathy are associated with a higher risk of autism.

The results of this study confirm the importance of parenting in increasing the level of empathy in children. Its role in building caring adults who enjoy long-lasting and value-filled relationships is fundamental. It is worth the effort many times over, as parents try to please their children by buying them the latest model video game.

Empathy is a gift that a child will carry with them for the rest of their life and pass on to others.

What are some ways to nurture empathy in children?

An important step of education is explaining the different types of emotions. Often empaths do not realize why they empathize with a person and their reaction to another’s pain is driven more by some inner feeling. However, if parents start explaining what the different emotions are at an early age, empathy will become a conscious process at a later stage.

Robert Plutchik’s wheel of emotions, which includes eight primary emotions — joy, trust, anticipation, surprise, disgust, sadness, fear, and anger, as well as the secondary emotions derived from them, can help the process of representing emotions.

In younger children, emotions can easily be represented through dramatization. The use of gestures and facial expressions when reading a story will help the child to get an idea of whether the emotion is positive or negative and in what way they can express it. Once the child’s vocabulary has increased, parents can incorporate the use of a children’s emotion wheel. Through it, the little one will be able to express what they are feeling, and this is often challenging. In infancy, emotions are often confused; they can change even in minutes, and this leads to frustration for parents who don’t always understand why their child is crying, for example.

Once the parents have established a set of emotions and the child has built up his emotional vocabulary, he will be able to cope much more easily with the feelings that constantly come over him. He will also be able to show empathy and support to loved ones who have a clouded understanding of their emotions.

A common mistake on the part of parents is their desire to prevent negative emotions in their child’s life altogether. Understandably, they want to protect their children and spare the stories that may make them sad or scared. However, negative emotions are an integral part of life and the process of growing up at any age, and children should learn to accept and deal with them.

Covering up negative feelings only signals to the child’s brain that these types of emotions are unimportant, which is not the case. Contrary to what is expected, when parents have age-appropriate conversations about global issues, as well as share stories that sadden them, they can open the doors to an empathic mindset.

The more often emotions are discussed at home, the easier it will be for a child to learn to express themselves and understand others. This is possible by observing not only the reactions of characters in fairy tales and cartoons but also by looking for real-life examples of other children and parents in the park, on the playground, and at school — how they react when the child is happy, frustrated, or angry.

Don’t forget to share your emotions openly as parents too — your child can’t begin to sympathize if you hide your feelings from them. Use the oversensitivity of children who are unencumbered by prejudice and are able to comfort you sincerely. Be a good example of an empath for them — sympathize with them when they get hurt, even if the hurt is minor. Reassure them that you too have experienced similar traumas and don’t leave them alone in their pain.

When you demonstrate empathy in your daily life and a willingness to volunteer support, you help your children build an internal sense of what is right and what is wrong. Don’t overlook your children’s progress, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Take pride in each of their victories and surround them with your love so that they grow up knowing they can count on you in both good and difficult times. Emotions can be a real treasure when we learn to talk openly about them.

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