Little Big Mistakes of Parents in Upbringing

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you teach them to do for themselves that will make them successful people” — Ann Landers, an American journalist

Unfortunately, few parents raise their children guided by this thought. They want to do the best they can for the moment, forgetting that children will grow up and change. And then they will enjoy very different things and will need to have developed certain qualities to do well in life. And in the meantime they will have been subjected to overdoses of love, concern and expectations that will take them off their natural developmental path.

Let’s look at some of the mistakes that almost every parent has made (or will make) in wanting their child not to fail in life.

Willingness to minimize difficulties along the way.

Childhood should be the most carefree period of human life. But in order for the child to learn to cope well when it becomes an adult, the parent should not spare it all difficult situations. It is not easy to learn to love “in perspective”, that is, to think about the adult your child will one day become and the qualities it will need to possess.

As sad as it is, one day children will not have their parents available so they can clear problems out of their way. We are witnessing how many people become dependent on their parents and because of this are unable in adulthood to make important life decisions that are solely about them. This lack of autonomy deprives us both of responsibility for the consequences of our actions and of our right to have free choice.

The next time you decide to do your child’s homework instead of explaining how to do it on its own, think about how helpless they might feel one day without you (and because of you). After all, mistakes are necessary in order to learn from them.

Building unjustifiably high self-esteem.

Everyone wants to have a successful and confident child. However, this is not achieved by showering him with expensive clothes, equipment and constantly telling them that they are the best. In early childhood, self-esteem is mostly built on the things a child owns. They give the illusion that it has more, and therefore — that it is something more than its peers.

If a parent does not explain to his child that other children can be just as good as him, no matter how much or what they have, in time it may become an unscrupulous person who respects no one and imagines that he is the only one who can succeed.

Educating with words, not with actions.

Robert Fulham’s thought states, “Don’t worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

After every mistake there is a plethora of advice on how it could have been prevented. The more disruptive parents don’t question their words and forever think they are right just because they have more life experience. What we say to our children is important to be heard, but it will have a greater effect if it is backed up by action on our part. In addition to showing how we can act in a situation, we will be elevating ourselves in the eyes of our most loved beings, and that will certainly strengthen the emotional bond and trust.

Refusal to accept children’s individuality.

As much as parents would like to, their children don’t always look like them. It is wrong to impose interests with the expectation that they will gradually be accepted. Everyone has his or her own path in life, and if a parent has not been successful in a particular area, it does not mean that he or she should force his or her unfulfilled dreams on the child. The sooner you accept your heir for who they are — with their strengths and weaknesses — the easier it will be to receive their affection and closeness in return.

If you want your child to become a mature and independent person, allow him to make mistakes. Advise him, but don’t take away his birthright of choice.

Listen to what it tells you without underestimating him. A child often has the ability to know truths that adults are blind to. Not because they lack experience, but because they have allowed hyperambition to dull their senses. And the sooner they accept the fact that they can be wrong in their upbringing, despite their great affection, the better parents they will be.

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