The Reason Why People Don’t Want to Grow

The idea for this blog came to me at a very random moment.

I was bartending on a Saturday afternoon, tending to customers, when two of them asked my opinion on marriage and fidelity. Also random, I know.

I don’t remember the entirety of the conversation. What I do remember is telling them how hard my boyfriend and I work on our relationship and ourselves and my views on personal development.

They told me something I’ve had a hard time accepting, but now I see what they meant.

They said, “you’re a unicorn.” Meaning I’m one of the few women who understand accountability, care about my impact, and want to be a better person.

That’s when it hit me — people don’t want to grow and work on themselves because it requires them to look in the mirror and be accountable for all their mistakes and change.

I’ve had a hard time accepting few people have this outlook on themselves and life.

It’s easier now to accept because I’ve been separated from friends and family. I’ve learned I’m taking a different path than they are. So it’s time to go our separate ways.

Choosing change is difficult. It means facing your demons and taking them down one by one — which, by the way, may take a lifetime.

It’s a commitment to be accountable, to call yourself out on your own bullsh*t. To follow through with the promises you’ve made.

Those of you who are on this journey understand the feeling I’m talking about.

We’re proud of ourselves for choosing to change. We’re learning and doing things differently. Knowing this will change the future of the generations to come.

But there’s always a lingering feeling that there’s so much work left to do.

Constantly balancing contentment and ambition.

It’s hard.

It’s hard because we’re always thinking about all the plans we want to bring to reality. Of all the work we want to do to make a difference.

Taking leaps of faith in hopes of turning our dreams into a reality. Creating an impact that leaves others better off.

Looking at ourselves in the mirror and constantly looking for where we could improve. Where are we falling short?

Growing and changing are hard because it requires being constantly out of our comfort zone, and most people don’t want to be uncomfortable.

I don’t blame them. I had this mentality at one point.

I remember thinking, when are things going to be better? When are things not going to be difficult? When will the time come when there are no obstacles?

But the reality is this life will never be absent of obstacles and challenges.

There will always be a situation we will have to deal with.

Accepting life is full of challenges is the first step to freeing ourselves from constant worry and anxiety.

Then the question becomes — do you want to become a pro at dealing with challenges, or do you want to ignore them?

I find this is what most people do — instead of accepting the call to become a person that can face any challenge, they chose ignorance, thinking it’s bliss.

But true bliss is the ability to deal with challenges without breaking much of a sweat. Without thinking, the world is falling apart because things did not go according to plan.

Bliss is moving forward and succeeding despite what obstacles come our way.

I write this not to judge people who don’t want to make a change.

Or toot my own horn because I’ve decided I will be a cycle breaker in my family.

I write this to bring awareness. After all, it is the first step to change.

There's no shame in admitting that we’re not doing our best or that things are not as good as we hoped.

We may feel a wave of it washing over us when we get to this point, but that’s when we have the opportunity to choose differently.

I remember when I first sat across my counselor (sort of, it was over zoom), thinking, ‘I am so ashamed.’ Funny, I couldn’t tell you exactly what I was ashamed of.

I learned over time I was ashamed because I didn’t do things perfectly from the get-go. At that time, I thought mistakes were a death sentence.

If I made a mistake, I was a failure, unworthy, undeserving, unwanted, etc.

Too many of us have this mentality. Always needing to be perfect. Otherwise, what we do is not good enough; we are not good enough.

Give yourself some grace. Realize this world is not perfect. Therefore, nothing will ever be perfect, and that’s okay. Our best is good enough.

Do make a commitment to do your best — that’s what I find people at the other end of the spectrum don’t do.

They expect massive results and change with minimal effort. Things don’t work this way, either.

You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to put in sweat and tear equity to make real change happen.

I believe we can all do it. I hope we all do it.

Once the majority of us choose to change, the world as we know it will change.