Stop Being so Damn Agreeable.

I wish someone had told me this a long time ago.

I’m a recovering people-pleaser, a recovering avoidant, and a recovering agreeable person.

I grew up to place my needs aside and always cater to those around me.

Constantly placing everyone else’s needs before mine. Believing if I did this, someone would keep me around.

Someone would care.

I thought this was all I needed.

But that changed as I got older. My adult self realized this was not how I wanted to live anymore. I wanted more.

I wish someone had told me how much I was giving and how little to nothing I was getting in return emotionally.

Recently, I’ve come to the conclusion as to why it was so easy to have me around, to be friends with me — it was convenient.

It was convenient because I wasn’t an accountable friend.

I would look at you and tell you that you shouldn’t have done something, or I disagreed, and soon after sweeping it under the rug as if nothing had happened.

I would back down as soon as my friends, anyone really, told me to.

Because no one likes a person who talks back, right?

I would keep my opinions to myself. Not calling anyone out for their BS.

I would say one thing and then the opposite.

I would change my answers to fit the narrative of whoever was leading the conversation because I had to be included. I had to be a part of the group.

If I wasn’t, what was my worth?

If I wasn’t liked, I wasn’t important.

I silenced myself over and over and over to make others happy.

To allow others to remain in their bubble of lies. Knowing they were self-destructing, but I just stood there, an accomplice to their ongoing demise.

Stop agreeing with people who say crap you don’t believe in.

Don’t be afraid to stir the pot by saying you disagree and find what they say to be unhealthy, toxic, destructive, manipulative, etc.

Or just simply, you disagree.

Don’t be afraid of calling out someone for their poor behavior. Either towards themselves or others.

Don’t silence your own voice because, as an adult, it is the only voice that will speak up on your behalf.

And sometimes on behalf of those who don’t know or are too afraid to speak up for themselves.

The voice that will be your advocate and fight for you and what you believe in.

The voice that will say this is not okay, or this is not for me, or I do not want to be a part of this because it violates my values and beliefs.

The voice that will set boundaries, demand respect, and set clear lines.

The voice that will tell you you’re good enough.

The voice that will carry you through difficult moments and encourage you to keep going despite how bleak the circumstances are.

Stop silencing your voice.

Stop being so damn agreeable.

No one can take responsibility for your life but you.

No one is going to.

Stop being nice and start being kind.

Being kind is telling the truth, regardless of how others feel about it.

Do not cater to others’ fragile egos. That’s their responsibility to handle, not yours.

Stop thinking you need the approval of others.

The only approval you need is God’s, your own, and those of the people you admire and respect.

Find people who value what you do. Who are not agreeable but accountable. Who won’t be afraid to tell you the truth.

These people are a gold mine because if they choose to tell you the truth instead of keeping it to themselves, it means they care about your well-being.

Do not let yourself off the hook. Be accountable and do the things you said you were going to do.

Set boundaries and be clear about what you’re willing to accept and won’t.

And lastly, stop being so damn agreeable.