The Power in Defying Social Norms

Don’t follow the road well-traveled — carve your own.

Following the Playbook

I followed the American playbook for most of my life until I realized the power of throwing it away.

The playbook that says get a good education so you can get a good job that pays well so you can live a good life — and some might add — the more it pays the better your life. This playbook is mostly the same across the world, each country with its own cultural artistic flair but with most of the same pages.

I stopped following that playbook the day I realized it had a critical flaw that actually hindered my potential for living not just a good life, but a great life.

I had gotten a good education. I went to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and graduated with both a BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering.

That subsequently led to a good job working at an innovative medical device company as an engineer for over six years, two of those as an engineering manager.

I had the best team and the best manager you could ever ask for. I benefitted from joining right before the company’s IPO and received some stock options. I made well over six figures. I had several amenities at work including access to a gym, free exercise classes, and a restaurant. I had the opportunity to travel across the U.S. and internationally as part of my job.

If I stayed at my job, I would have been well on my way to being able to afford a home quickly and pay off all my debts. I would have financial security and job security well into the future. This, I thought, would ultimately lead to a good life.

But then I discovered the critical flaw in the playbook.

Led Astray

As I discussed in the story below, achieving greater financial wealth and promotions would result in a fleeting jolt of euphoria only to subside about as quickly as it had come on. I felt the income satiation start occurring well before I started making six figures, which is below the average for Western nations in terms of income satiation.

We currently live in a world where there is both income under satiation and over satiation. In other words, most people are either not making enough money to meet their basic needs and, as a result, not achieving optimal satiation. Or, they’re making well beyond what they need and end up being worse off than if they simply were at their optimal level of income satiation.

When we think of the word ‘satiation’, we tend to think of food. When we haven’t eaten enough, we’re starving. When we’ve eaten too much, we’re bloated. Income can work in a similar way and make us feel crappy if we’re under satiated or over satiated. Stressed, anxious, frustrated, and perhaps even angry when under satiated. Complacent, numb, distracted, and depressed when over satiated.

As I made more and more money, the improvements to my life became ever more marginal. And then I noticed that my quality of life started to decline.

I became less healthy and less happy. More discontent with my work. More discontent with my life and the path I was on. I began to question things more including societal norms.

I questioned whether the American playbook had led me astray…

Tossing the Playbook

Corporations are interesting entities. The best of them can have almost a magical allure on employees. The tech companies do this very well. Their marketing of the perfect life with all the money, benefits, and amenities you could ask for is very enticing and persuasive.

But this perfect life is a mirage. At least it was for me.

I achieved the so-called American dream, largely by myself. I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps, as conservatives like to say.

But the dream was exactly that. It wasn’t real.

The reality is that our world is in disarray and all the money, benefits, and amenities are distractions from this disarray.

It is very similar to the scene in The Matrix when Cypher (Joe Pantoliano) says, “I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the matrix is telling me that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.”

Most people, particularly in Western nations, probably identify with Cypher. The steak is a metaphor for everything that distracts us from the disarray and despair, much like the matrix is a distraction from the horrible existence that humans in the movie find themselves in.

Except this isn’t a movie. There are real people suffering and real consequences.

Yet we keep distracting ourselves hoping that next dopamine hit of more money or more things or more whatever will be the fix we need. But if anything, it’ll just lead to an overdose.

And herein lies the critical flaw of the playbook. In our quest for jobs that pay more, so we can buy more things to fill our lives, along with wanting more benefits and amenities that allow us to live comfier and easier lives, our quality of life may only improve marginally, if at all. And if we become over satiated, our quality of life may begin to decline. Which is what happened to me.

So I decided to get clean and throw out the playbook. And that’s when things got interesting.

Creating a New Playbook

On a global level, only 15 percent of full-time workers feel engaged in their work. In the U.S., it’s not much better — only 30 percent feel engaged.

I was part of that 30 percent for quite a while until I started working on a new playbook to live my life by.

Before I made my decision to make a career transition out of engineering and into climate policy and sustainability, I volunteered with 350.org and the Sunrise Movement where I enjoyed the experiences of attending climate protests, raising public awareness, organizing events, and pushing for climate action. I also attended a community workshop hosted by the City of Alameda (where I live), in which I had the opportunity to provide feedback on the City’s draft climate adaptation strategies and join in the climate action planning process.

Additionally, I always had a passion for helping others and leveling the playing field so that everyone has an equal opportunity in living a good life, but didn’t know how best to direct that until I learned more about the severe impacts on public health from climate change and air pollution and how they exacerbate existing social inequities.

It was the combination of these experiences with my passion that allowed me to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. And then I made a plan to make it happen.

Importantly, I didn’t just direct my attention to figuring out what additional education I needed to get the job I wanted in the sustainability field. I thought about my life holistically and how I could achieve happiness and fulfillment in all aspects of my life.

Too often, we overemphasize the importance of our jobs in our lives, in which our jobs become our lives. It is not that the work we do is necessarily unimportant, but that there is so much more to living a good life than having a good job.

For myself, I thought about all the different ways I could contribute to the climate movement, whether they be career-focused or not. It didn’t matter whether I made an income from it so long as it was bringing me into greater sync with my passions and values.

That’s when I came up with the idea of creating the Climate Conscious publication on Medium. I haven’t made any money from all the time I spent building it up to what it is today, but it has brought me more joy and happiness than anything I ever did as an engineer.

After getting the education I believed I would need to make my career transition (an MS in Environmental Sciences and Policy), I got a job working in the sustainability field making a fraction of what I once did with far less benefits, amenities, and job security. Yet, I feel more fulfilled and passionate about my work than ever before.

The road I’m on is not well-traveled. I don’t know exactly where I’m headed, but I do know I’ve never been happier.

Going through this process allowed me to create a new playbook — and it goes like this:

Education is important, but not as much as experience. Experience is required to know what you want to do with your life and make meaning out of it. Income matters, up to a point, and then it doesn’t. A good life is only achieved when what you’re doing with your life is in sync with your passions and values. And a great life is achieved when you become larger than yourself.

Carving Your Own Path

I now think of social norms like I think of tourist spots. Sure, some of them can be great but do you really want to follow exactly what everyone else is doing?

Imagine the countless opportunities and other great spots you may be missing by focusing only on those where other people have gone. Adventure and excitement lie in the unknown.

Isaac Newton once said, “If I have been able to see further, it was only because I stood on the shoulders of giants.” But how often do we think of those who formed the base?

Those who chose to do things differently. To think differently. To push their boundaries and those of others. To not follow the playbook. And to craft their own.

Beyond being much happier and fulfilled, I found a surprising immense power in defying social norms and not following the American playbook. I went from being a largely uninteresting average person to now someone who people actively listen to and want to connect with.

I believe that by defying these norms and creating my own playbook, I have been able to more fully realize my potential.

Additionally, I believe my purpose in life is far greater than I had once thought it was. I feel empowered to make my mark on the world and to help others do the same.

I gave up a lot to get to where I am, but I have gained far more that you can’t put a price on. I no longer worry about the end goal because I am too busy enjoying the journey.

The road I’m on is not well-traveled. I don’t know exactly where I’m headed, but I do know I’ve never been happier.

My advice to others is to create your own playbook and carve your own path if you want to realize your full potential.*

*I know that many reading this will think they couldn’t possibly afford to do what I did or take the risks that I did. I understand the privilege I have to even be able to say no to the American playbook and try something different. And it shouldn’t be like that. Which is why I am using my own privilege to hopefully provide a more level playing field for others so that they, too, may take big risks without falling into financial ruin.

In other words, I am giving up some of my own power in order to empower others, which I would argue is one of the most impactful things you can do as an individual with privilege.

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