HOW ARE YOU??
The Most Embarrassing Ways Girls Have Ghosted Me
‘It’s literally impossible to ghost me’
I DM'd my favorite Instagram model, asking “How are you now?” This was genuine because she hadn't answered my previous DM asking “How are you?” that I sent twenty-one months ago.
I texted a dashing girl from Tinder right before our date, “Nobody ghosts me. I ghost the ghost. See you at the date, Annabelle! 🤗 ”
I politely said to a girl on our first date, “Ghosting people is so immature. But from where I sit, you look like the most mature person on the planet.”
Seven minutes before my date with an actual Victoria’s Secret model named Victoria, I posted a selfie on Instagram with the caption, “It's literally impossible to ghost me. I challenge you, Victorian Victoria 😂 Victory is mine! Viva, Victoria! 😆 ”
I DM’d a girl asking, “How are you?” It was genuine because she had DM’d me asking “How are you?” fourteen weeks ago, to which I did not respond.
I accidentally liked a girl's Instagram picture of her crying. Then I commented — “I am GREAT. How are you?” the caption that I posted nine and a half years ago.
I said to my seventeenth potential girlfriend Isabelle, “I love you more than anything in the world. Please don't ever leave me! PLEASE! Who am I kidding? You can never leave me.”
I commented under a girl's Instagram picture of her posing in front of the Taj Mahal, “How are you, dawg?”
A girl who was a potential friend DM’d me asking “How are you?” and I replied, “Aww. I’m doing terrific. Thank you for asking! How is your sister?”
I said to my twenty-sixth potential girlfriend, Jennifer, “You’re my favorite person in the world. I’m going to do whatever it takes to be your favorite person in the world.”
My first potential girlfriend Angela DM’d me saying, “I love you!” and I responded, “WOW! Really?”
I tweeted after my successful sixth date with my seventh potential girlfriend Carrie, “Told you — Nobody ghosts me; I ghost the ghost. #noteverygirlisimmaturelikeyouannabelleandisabelle”
I DM’d a girl a fourth time saying “Heyyyy!!!!” after my failed first attempt (“Hey!”), the failed second attempt (“Heyy!!”), and the failed third attempt (“Heyyy!!!”) — all four times with an equal interval of five weeks.
My twenty-third potential potential girlfriend Candice DM’d me asking “How are you?” I replied, “I’m doing fabulous. Thank you for asking!” What I did NOT ask her back? “How are you?”
I sent my sixteenth potential girlfriend Emily an email in which I wrote, “Will you marry me NOW?? 💍” (PRO TIP: Send a real ring through the post instead of sending a ring emoji when you ask your potential girlfriend to marry you.)
I DM’d my seventh potential girlfriend Carrie asking “How are you?” genuinely because she was on her deathbed. Unfortunately, she died and became an actual ghost.
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A special thanks to the comedic genius T. Kent Jones for his stellar editing.
Falling in love with Srini? Read these before ghosting him once and for all:
