avatarSrini

Summary

The web content is a satirical take on the internal monologue of a Medium writer grappling with self-doubt, external validation, and the idiosyncrasies of the platform's metrics and community.

Abstract

The article humorously delves into the psyche of a Medium writer who is coming to terms with their self-worth independent of external validation. The writer humorously asserts their intrinsic value as a creator, despite the lack of engagement or recognition from peers and the Medium platform itself. They mock the significance of 'top writer' tags and the influence of statistics, suggesting that true writing talent is not always reflected by online metrics. The writer also pokes fun at the idea of writer's block and the elusive nature of viral success, while maintaining a facade of indifference to the platform's rewards system. The piece concludes with a tongue-in-cheek declaration of leaving Medium, while also promoting the author's other works and acknowledging a collaborator.

Opinions

  • The writer believes that their worth is not accurately represented by the number of claps, followers, or 'top writer' tags they receive.
  • They express a sense of superiority over the Medium platform and its CEO, implying that their contributions are undervalued.
  • The writer rejects the notion of writer's block, framing it as an excuse used by less capable writers.
  • They suggest that their writing has a profound, albeit unappreciated, impact on the world.
  • The writer humorously blames their lack of viral fame on personal choice rather than the quality of their work.
  • Despite claiming to be above the need for validation, the writer seems to desire recognition and is critical of the platform's lack of support.
  • The writer acknowledges the support of their three subscribers, even joking that they might be bots, to emphasize their perceived undervaluation.
  • The piece ends with a sarcastic threat to leave Medium for

I AM NOT A PRETENDER

Daily Affirmations for Medium Writers

I’m absolutely worthy of every single clap they give

Photo by Ono Kosuki from Pexels

I’m a writer??

No, I’m a WRITER!!

I don’t need my stats to tell me what a terrific writer I am. These stats stopped working twenty-seven years ago. Stats do lie!

What is Tim Denning to me? What IS Tim Denning?

Oddly, my writing quality is inversely proportional to the number of dollars I earn on this platform! Geez, I’m brilliant!

My words have meaning that even I don’t understand fully.

Top writer tags mean NOTHING! These tags are only given to wimpy kids as a consolation prize. Those pretentious morons!

I don’t need to check my stats ever!

People are reading my ingenious work not because I’m incredibly hot.

All my friends didn’t ghost me because I asked them to read my brilliant articles. They were going to ghost me anyway.

I don’t need to read other writers to make them read mine. If they don’t read mine, it’s their loss. LOSERS!

This publication's best editor rejected my article because he knows I’m better than him.

My poor neighbor doesn’t know I’m a top writer in 2 categories on Medium. Let her look down on me. Let her not invite me to her dumb parties. That imbecile doesn’t know I OWN Medium.

Not even the CEO of Medium has one top writer tag. Top writer means something, Coach!

My stats are LYING! They will never pass a polygraph test!

People who give 50 claps for my stories will follow me into the dark.

I’m absolutely worthy of every single clap they give.

I’m in a happy place and I don’t have to think about checking my stats.

I don’t suck. Medium does. I’m larger than Medium.

My three subscribers understand me on a deeper level. So what if those three are bots? Even the bots want to connect with me and embrace me for who I am.

Today is a phenomenal day to write another masterpiece that nobody reads.

I won’t be blocked by writer's block. I’m the one who blocks the blocks.

Writer’s block is a myth and a fancy word made up by losers, for losers. I’m not a loser — not today, anyway!

I’m writing only to save this idiotic world through my unparalleled wisdom, not to earn money like some selfish pricks.

It’s not my problem that this world doesn’t want to be saved!

My worthiness as a writer is not dependent on how many lives I have saved — or killed.

The only reason I’m not going viral is because I don’t want to. I’m the most down-to-earth person I’ve ever known. Or you.

One letter at a time, and soon the entire sentence will be complete.

Nobody’s buying me coffee for my masterpieces because they know coffee is not good for my health. Everyone cares deeply about me.

My ardent fans are waiting for my next article without sleeping. I have to finish it now. But first, I have to start it.

There’s no greater feeling than finishing a beautiful sentence like this.

Being a writer is a choice, and today, I choose to be a writer. A damn good one!

If I can finish one paragraph, I can finish two paragraphs. If I can finish two, I can absolutely finish three.

I am not scared of constructive criticism in my response section. I can always block them.

I can change the entire fate of Medium with my beautiful fingertips.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE STATS?? Not that I care!

I’m not naive enough to believe some stupid daily affirmations can make me feel better about myself. I’m not a pretender!

I AM LEAVING MEDIUM TODAY! These morons don’t deserve me. Let’s write about that. That will tell them. The New Yorker deserves me!

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow MuddyUm and Srini

A special thanks to the comedic genius T. Kent Jones for his flawless editing and his creative jokes. I highly recommend you check out his profile.

Falling in love with Srini? Read these to forget him for good:

Brand art courtesy of David Todd McCarty
Satire
Humor
Writing
Creativity
Culture
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