USE YOUR MOST SUPER POLITE TONE
20 Super Polite Ways to Ask Instead of “What is Your Age?”
As they say, age is just a number
People would rather tell you the current balance in their Swiss bank account than tell you their age. However, there are some super polite ways to ask someone’s age — without getting shot in your mouth.
- Exactly how long have you been suffering on this planet?
- In what year did you cry like a baby for the first time? (It’s a toughie. Give them some time to ponder.)
- Let’s play a fun game. Add your age to 28641 and multiply the answer by 98501. Now subtract that answer with 8740318. Wait! Don’t tell me the answer yet. Because I want you to divide that answer by 64201. Now — what did you exactly get? (My personal favorite. For those of you who suck at Math, you might need a calculator for this.)
- You look so rejuvenated. How come you’re 79 years old? (Provoking someone can be an effective solution — for anything, really.)
- I’m conducting a survey about when people first start lying about their age. Would you mind filling out this form? (While they fill out the form, politely say, “Really?” or “Interesting” every seventeen seconds.)
- Do you want to play a cool game? I’m 19 years old. If you’re 39, blink twenty times — each blink three seconds apart. A blink refers to a year. Blink accordingly. If you’re 9, slap your face ten times — each slap five seconds apart. A slap refers to a year. Slap accordingly. (Whatever your age is, always say you’re 19. It’ll throw them off. Especially if you are 19.)
- What’s your email I.D.? (If you’re lucky, their year of birth is part of their email I.D.)
- What’s your Instagram password? (Use your most super polite tone. That works more than you’d think.)
- What’s your Swiss bank account password or any bank, really? (At this point, we’re looking for any clue at all. But, don’t use your desperate tone.)
- You said you were 13 when Neil Armstrong became the first person to step onto the Moon’s surface. How long has it been? (It’s absolutely okay NOT to know everything, especially if it’s irrelevant to you.)
- Would you mind if I try to guess your age — until I get it right? (Start from 9, just to be safe.)
- What was the year when you had your first kiss on the cheek? Mother’s kiss is included. (Awww!)
- How are you so immature for a 59-year-old person? (Again, if nothing works, provoking someone is highly encouraged.)
- As they say, age is just a number. So — what’s your number? (I call this method— BULLSEYE!)
- What year did you finish high school? At what age, someone customarily finishes high school? (Give them your calculator.)
- How old is your younger sister? What is the age gap between you two? (They’ll never see this coming. Many will just blurt this out.)
- There’s a cool swimming competition you would love to participate in. Although it’s highly competitive, I know you’ll easily win. But you have to be at least 99 years old to participate. How long do you think you’ll have to wait?
- I went to Ecuador to commit an armed robbery on New Year’s Eve 2009. Exactly how old were you on that day? Roughly? (This way, you’re subtly letting them know you’re capable of committing violent crimes when needed.)
- It’s your birthday! Woo hoo! I bought you a cake. To make this fun, come blow out all 128 candles in one breath. You can, can’t you? (If they can, they’re under 61. If they can’t, they’re above 73.)
- If I tell you my real age, could you please tell me your real real age? (If provoking them doesn’t work, begging is the way to go.)
If, God forbid, none of the above works, I politely request everyone reading this to share their real real real age below. (I call this method — GOTCHA!)
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A special thanks to the comedic genius T. Kent Jones for his top-notch editing and his additional jokes. I highly recommend you check out his profile.
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