HUMOR
The Great Honest Dater
He wasn’t prepared for the twist
Mr. Martin, being lonely, was desperately reading self-help books on dating. He finally found a book on how to attract a girl by exercising honesty as mentioned in the book. And guess what, he is now happily married. But then one day the couples began to have an honest conversation.
Mr. Martin begins the conversation. Happy reading.
“Hey, I always wanted to ask you this.”
“What is it?”
“Why did you fall in love with me? I mean, I know I was very honest and all. And you loved my honesty…”
“Honest? You were being honest? Haha…actually, I did not notice that you were particularly honest or anything.”
“What? Then why did you like me?”
“Ahh, I don’t want to offend you. I am glad you were honest. But if I am being honest, then I need to tell you that I did not mind if you were honest or not.”
“Ohh, I thought you were attracted to my honesty. Actually, I did an intense course on how to date using honesty and all. It kind of sucks to hear that you did not give a fuck about my acquired skills on honesty.”
“Well, then what I am going to tell you is going to offend you more.”
“What is it?”
“Are you sure you want to hear it?”
“Yes.”
“I mean I liked you because of your fat ass.”
“WTF, of all the things in the world, of all the other qualities I practiced day and night, you were attracted only to my fat ass?”
“Yes.”
“I can't believe this.”
“Fat ass = Filthy rich, well, that’s my rule.”
“What rule?”
“I mean, yeah, it isn't rocket science. It’s a thumb of rule I follow from high school. If the boy has fat ass then he must be born into a filthy rich family. And of course, I prefer safety and all the rest of it that comes with money. It’s pretty straightforward.”
“Ahh…I can't get this around my head. That headache again. Shit, you were attracted to my fat ass.”
“Yeah, well you don't want me to lie. Do you?”
“But, why didn't you tell this before when we were dating?”
“It’s common sense. You don't need any self-help books to realize it.”
“I feel so low again.”
“Martin, you need to relax.”
“I can’t.”
“See, you need to realize that people don't like you for the reasons you think in your little head. Take a break from your self-help shit and see reality. You will be fine dear. I promise.”
“Hmm, not cool.”
“Baby, such is life.”
“I feel like a dumbass. You just liked my fat ass?”
“It’s not just fat ass, I told you the rule already. Anyway, forget it. Let’s have a coffee and your favorite big kahuna fat ass burger.”
“Not cool.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that as if life gives a damn. Get up and come with me. I was just kidding.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I promise. I just wanted to shake you a bit.”
“Not cool.”
“Ahh.. again.”
