MENTAL HEALTH HUMOUR

Pessimist Meets Therapist

When a pessimist becomes a pain in the ass for the therapist

Pessimist enters the therapist’s room

“Oh God, here he is again,” the therapist said in his mind while smiling at the pessimist.

Therapist: How are you today?

The wall clock, the therapist, and the entire room froze for some moments as if eagerly waiting to hear positive news from the pessimist’s mouth.

Pessimist: Not good really. Is that okay?

Therapist: Yes, of course, it is good to feel not so good sometimes.

Pessimist: So does that mean I am feeling good?

The wall clock, the therapist, and the entire room went back to their normal business as being disappointed to find out that the pessimist had not changed by an iota.

“He is back with his confusing questions. What should I say? Should I change the topic? Yes, I should,” the therapist talked to himself while giving his pretentious smile.

Therapist: So did you find out what makes you feel good?

Pessimist: Maybe I had found out, but I am not quite sure. It was a long week. I tried out some new things.

Therapist: Wow, I can’t wait to hear them.

Pessimist: Why? Are you leaving early?

Therapist: What? Why?… Oh no, I mean I am eager to hear them.

Pessimist: First, I joined a gym.

Therapist: Excellent.

Pessimist: You would not believe how happy I felt. You know, I was able to take 1 pushup and a pullup. I mean I never thought I could take it.

Therapist: Great!. Didn't I tell you to not believe your thoughts? That’s the way to go. And then?

Pessimist: Then I saw a weaker guy than me walking in the gym. I felt so good about myself because I am better than him anyway. I had never felt such euphoria. I thought this must be what an optimist feels.

Therapist: Yes yes, you are getting it.

Pessimist: But then I saw him taking pushups like 10, 20, … without any difficulty. I could not even count them properly. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. At that moment I decided I would never visit a gym again in my life.

Therapist: Oh shit, I am sorry to hear that. I know it feels bad. But you tried, that's the whole point. And then, what did you try next?

Pessimist: As you suggested last week, I listened to motivational videos.

Therapist: Cool. How does it go?

Pessimist: It was okay for the first day, but then afterward I was not getting any erection from them.

“God, had he come to the wrong therapist? WTF is this asshole talking about?”, the therapist said in his mind

Therapist: What? Erection? Motivational videos aren’t supposed to give you an erection. I mean sometimes you might, but that is at least not the primary intention.

Pessimist: Yeah, I mean mental erection, kind of mental high.

Therapist: hmm, sorry to hear that. What else did you try?

Pessimist: I heard about a mantra meditation teacher near my house. So I visited him and started doing mantra meditation?

Therapist: Wow, that is really awesome. How did it go?

Pessimist: He gave me a random mantra. I was supposed to sit with my eyes closed and concentrate on that mantra.

Therapist: And were you able to concentrate?

Pessimist: Yes I was able to concentrate.

Therapist: That is great.

Pessimist: Wait. But that was the problem.

Therapist: How is that even a problem? After all, you were supposed to do exactly that.

Pessimist: Yeah, but the mantra he gave me to concentrate was the exact name I use to call my ex-girlfriend. And the whole time I was thinking about her and the painful feeling of being dumped by her. It made me miserable.

Therapist: And so you quit that too without asking him to give a different mantra to concentrate, right?

Pessimist: Exactly. Oh, I could have asked for a different mantra?

Therapist: Forget it. It does not matter. So everything failed as usual, right?

Pessimist: Not really.

“Oh, don’t give me hope anymore. Seems like I am becoming a pessimist too” whispered the therapist

Pessimist: What did you say?

Therapist: No nothing, you continue.

Pessimist: You know what, I think music makes me feel better.

A slight ray of hope, the kind of light at the end of the tunnel thing began to spread in the whole room and towards the therapist. But the wall clock did not bother to pause this time. Somehow the clock had lost its patience.

Therapist: Really? You are kidding, right?

Pessimist: I am not, I swear.

Therapist: Thank God. Then listen to music often. I will fix you, my son. Got it. Music!.

Pessimist: That’s true, but I have a confusion.

Therapist: Confusion? What confusion?

Pessimist: I mean I am supposed to feel bad, right? Music somehow disturbs the flow. It suddenly uplifts my mood. But how could it be possible? It is kind of cheating. I am supposed to feel bad. Even my parents think I am going mad when I look happy while listening to songs.

Therapist: Oh God. You know what, I really wished you were a little dumber. Stop trying to think too much. Just plug in the music and only take it from your ear if at all it bleeds.

Pessimist: Sorry, but I feel like I am cheating my mind.

Therapist: It is just your fucking mind, not your girlfriend that you are cheating.

Pessimist: Why did you remind me of her?

Therapist: What? Oh..no not her. Just erase what I said.

Pessimist: Erase with what and how?

Therapist: Just forget everything and until next time just listen to a lot of music. Can you? Please?

Pessimist: Hmm, okay. I will try it. But I will only play sad songs.

Therapist: Hfff…Okay, at least sad songs for now. Just make sure you are listening to songs and not your thoughts.

Pessimist: Okay. See you next week. Bye.

“Sure if I am alive” whispered the therapist

“God, why do you keep sending these kinds of weirdos to me. I am going insane.” said the therapist to himself, as the pessimist walked out of the room.