LIFE | LIFE LESSONS | RELATIONSHIPS | CREATIVITY
The Dichotomy of Trust in a Relationship: When It’s Too Much
In Response to Dancing Elephants Press Relationship Column
What should we do if our trust is eroded systematically, convincingly, and maliciously? Should we stop trusting others forever? Should we erect barriers around us to remain isolated from hurting again? Would that be a healthy way to live?
These are valid questions with no easy answers as we react differently towards traumas.
Trusting others teaches us more about us than we care to admit.
When someone breaks our trust, we’re literally broken into pieces, more so if the relationship was built for longevity, such as marriage, friendship, or business partnership.
Pick up the pieces together, get up with renewed strength, and realign with reinforced bands of self-love, confidence, and self-respect.
No one has the authority to wreck our lives and rapture our sense of well-being without our permission. We allow others to destroy us with their menacing presence and evil machinations.
Why?
We desperately want to be loved, trusted, and belong to someone or something wholeheartedly, thereby ready for all kinds of compromises, risks, and steps to be exploited for our vulnerabilities.
We’re over-committed, over-indulgent, and under-prepared to notice vital signs of disconnect, disdain, and disrespect seeping into a relationship.
We ignore our intuitive capabilities to set boundaries, speed up our input dangerously, and tend to emerge as sole givers, jeopardizing the balance by tilting the scale.
Honesty is a virtue, no doubt, but confiding all our secrets to someone makes us susceptible to manipulation through our weaknesses.
Never give too much importance to others for breaking the trust, and take some responsibility for self-growth. What can we do differently to persevere, be in control, and still be available?
Again, very difficult to achieve. Many trials and failures might be needed.
What can become our sole guide in rebuilding trust again would be keeping ourselves accountable to our moral compass.
Everyone has core values that are extremely important to being alive and living purposefully. Simple. Don’t do anything that might evade the core principles embedded in the DNA of the compass.
Define them from to time whenever the heart and mind seem to be at loggerheads. Simplify the expectations. Don’t expect the impossible for mere humans. Be happy with less that is given authentically, sincerely, and consistently.
If others accept us for our imperfections, then there is a chance for sustainability in a relationship; if not, no matter how much we change, the satisfaction would be nonexistent.
Likewise, don’t try to buy trust by making others change unnecessarily; it breeds toxicity, negativity, and insecurity.
To answer the question of rebuilding trust. Yes, we can if we’re ready to invest in ourselves and move on from the traumatic experiences. Bad experiences are blessings in disguise for self-growth, so learn from them and appreciate the life lessons that come with them.
When we’re healed, happy, emotionally and physically healthy, the doors of love, opportunities, and companionship will be wide open for us.
Instead of dwelling on past experiences, we should focus on the future, where everything will be presented more earnestly, honestly, and lovingly.
No one can take the power of being the best version of ourselves, not even our hurt, traumas, and pain.* Trustfulness is a significant indicator of being human, so embrace it and conquer the world one step or relationship at a time.
© Fatima Imam (All Rights Reserved)
My failed marriage made me more aware of the weaknesses, insecurities, and desperation with which I had tried to hold on to the relationship. It was never going to work because I was doing things that were contradictory to my moral compass. Now, I know how to trust others because I know when to put the breaks to balance the relationship.
This post is inspired and written in response to Libby Shively McAvoy’s column:
Sincere thanks to the illustrious editors of DEP: Dr. Gabriella Korosi Dr. Preeti Singh Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles Annelise Lords DR Rawson - The Possibilist Libby Shively McAvoy for providing an amazing outlet for my creativity. ❤️❤️
I just finished reading Dr. Preeti Singh’s gorgeous essay on the scenic beauty of the mountains and felt immediately reenergized:
Annelise Lords’s secret of a successful marriage was written with her usual flair of honesty, sincerity, and authenticity:
Thank you for reading my post. ❤️❤️ Get email alerts when I publish: https://faimam.medium.com/subscribe. Find me on LinkedIn| Twitter
