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Abstract

ty spirits would <i>want</i> me to think.</p><p id="da66">Or is the sharpie on masking tape decor as honest as the day is long?</p><p id="568f">It <i>is</i> Books and Other Things, “Other Things” being a coven of animated dolls with their eyes gouged out looking for restitution.</p><p id="51c5"><i>That’s just absurd. </i>Hoping for solace, I turned to the practical half of my brain.</p><p id="3823">Perhaps it’s just a gecko. Geckos are everywhere around here. Hopefully it’s still alive, who knows how good the airflow is in there.</p><p id="349b"><i>Oh no.</i></p><p id="b860">What if it’s something dead?</p><p id="febe">It could be the decaying flesh of…anything.</p><p id="034b">I hope it’s not someone’s pet a la Stephen King.</p><p id="d2f9">What if it is a pile of dead bats?</p><p id="e854">Worse, a cauldron of <i>live</i> bats (it’s true — look it up) that fly out at me and get stuck in my hair, lifting me off the ground and away to some cave where I myself will decay in one of nature’s natural coolers. I shuddered.</p><p id="29a4"><b>I hate live bats. Live bats are the worst. But.</b></p><p id="7d9e">It could be human — living, undead, or anywhere in between. I could open this to find the beating heart of a lover that could not endure the pain of rejection.</p><p id="d9f5">Yes! Then I’d have to stab it so I could become the property manager of something soul-sucking, but super cool. I hope it’s not a ship.</p><p id="1bea"><i>Should I open it? I should open it.</i></p><p id="9496">Famous last words.</p><p id="bcdc">Every horror movie has that one character that’s like, “Yeah guys, it’s just an old cooler. It’s probably just New Orleans hospitality.”</p><p id="a27f">And their friends are like, “No man, we can just buy our <a href="https://www.yelp.com/biz/huge-ass-beers-new-orleans?start=20">huge ass beers</a> and 3-foot plastic daiquiris like everyone else.”</p><p id="9f1e">To which the dolt comes back with, “You guys are so lame. It’s free beer!”</p><p id="f59c">Then they all die. Horrific, excruciating deaths that <i>sell tickets</i> is how they die.</p><p id="8e8f">That leaves me with one question.</p><p id="8fe7" type="7">On a scale of 1 to 10, how haunted is this cooler?</p><div id="3ff9" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/new-lingerie-deserves-a-wet-run-53aaf21638c1"> <div> <div> <h2>New Lingerie Deserves a Wet Run</h2> <div><h3>Lingerie is sexier when it’s been test driven</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*gLER2RDidziluriDP7Tftw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c70a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/does-this-chai-make-me-look-fat-1b0abfdfee11"> <div> <div> <h2>Does This Chai Make Me Look Fat?</h2> <div><h3>An ode to an innocent beverage</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*vRG2VksBKOtDa0KwIIxMng.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b306" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/unpacking-the-plough-womans-lunch-ae8afe965d72">

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The Anxious Enthusiast Travels

The Dead Man’s…Cooler?

Adventures in New Orleans — A Tale of Spook & Meandering

New Orleans is alive and well. Well, most of it anyway.

My partner and I just came back from a trip to “The Big Easy” and I am happy to say that it still unequivocally lives up to that title.

We planned our trip a little differently this time. Instead of staying within or just outside the French Quarter, we decided to book a little place in the Garden District.

We decided we’d walk or get rides into and out of our well-worn and beloved, raucous blocks while learning just a bit more about another area of the city.

We’d done a Garden District tour in the past. It consisted mostly of us sitting on a bus listening to a woman tell us about the celebrities that have lived in the area and showing us the places they call(ed) home.

The tour was not fabulous, but we found it to be a gorgeous area that offered quaint businesses on two sides and a noted cemetery, as well as greenery and lovely homes throughout.

One of my aims was to take some of our Sunday morning hours to walk around this residential area surrounding our apartment to take photos.

I figured I’d probably find myself taking pictures of grand houses with their ancient accents and manicured lawns.

Instead we found ourselves playing “On a scale of 1 to 10, how haunted is that house?” One being not haunted and ten STAY AWAY HAUNTED.

It was an easy game to play and FUN, especially as it was October and many of the houses had been decorated to ring in the season of spook.

We were in the middle of playing this game when I stumbled (literally) upon the cooler at the top of this article.

A more haunted portable beverage refrigeration device has never been spotted.

Oh, good gods. I thought.

I got goosebumps.

We were just playing a game.

I stared at it. My mouth hung open for an instant before I filled it with words so that my partner wouldn’t know I was actually a bit terrified.

We exclaimed and then littered the air around the rusty metal compartment with jokes.

I wasn’t afraid of the cooler really.

Much like fear of the dark, one is often not afraid of the thing itself.

My mind raced to the question that was ponging between the halves of my brain.

What’s in it?

Is it a spirit? Is it a lost soul?

Did someone perform an exorcism, banishing the evil legion to spend the rest of their days in this cooler unless an unsuspecting tourist walks by and opens it?

My imagination tore through my mind like wildfire through an old wood.

I scanned the seedy container for clues.

Bull shit.

That’s just what a legion of nasty spirits would want me to think.

Or is the sharpie on masking tape decor as honest as the day is long?

It is Books and Other Things, “Other Things” being a coven of animated dolls with their eyes gouged out looking for restitution.

That’s just absurd. Hoping for solace, I turned to the practical half of my brain.

Perhaps it’s just a gecko. Geckos are everywhere around here. Hopefully it’s still alive, who knows how good the airflow is in there.

Oh no.

What if it’s something dead?

It could be the decaying flesh of…anything.

I hope it’s not someone’s pet a la Stephen King.

What if it is a pile of dead bats?

Worse, a cauldron of live bats (it’s true — look it up) that fly out at me and get stuck in my hair, lifting me off the ground and away to some cave where I myself will decay in one of nature’s natural coolers. I shuddered.

I hate live bats. Live bats are the worst. But.

It could be human — living, undead, or anywhere in between. I could open this to find the beating heart of a lover that could not endure the pain of rejection.

Yes! Then I’d have to stab it so I could become the property manager of something soul-sucking, but super cool. I hope it’s not a ship.

Should I open it? I should open it.

Famous last words.

Every horror movie has that one character that’s like, “Yeah guys, it’s just an old cooler. It’s probably just New Orleans hospitality.”

And their friends are like, “No man, we can just buy our huge ass beers and 3-foot plastic daiquiris like everyone else.”

To which the dolt comes back with, “You guys are so lame. It’s free beer!”

Then they all die. Horrific, excruciating deaths that sell tickets is how they die.

That leaves me with one question.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how haunted is this cooler?

New Lingerie Deserves a Wet Run

Lingerie is sexier when it’s been test driven

medium.com

Does This Chai Make Me Look Fat?

An ode to an innocent beverage

medium.com

Unpacking the Plough-Woman’s Lunch

Ploughing the patriarchy is hard work. It’s about time I ate like it.

medium.com

Ways I wine tour like a bossb*tch

I’m an adult; I get the most out of my wine experiences

medium.com

Fall Recipes: Pot Pie Chicken with Soft Stuffing Dumplings

Recipes for Anxious Chefs #14

medium.com

If you love, love, love my writing and want to shout out, “You get it, anxious girl!” You can contribute to my cookbook collection here.

Join Medium with my referral link - Brett Jenae Tomlin

Read every story from Brett Jenae Tomlin (and thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee directly…

medium.com

Please feel free to check out my profile: Brett Jenae Tomlin. Comment below if we have something in common or if you like what you’ve read.

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