The Beauty of the Quickie

How I came to love stolen moments of connection

On a Friday afternoon, I pull out the box with the knee-high gladiator sandals a friend gave me. I’m going to a clothing exchange the next night and need to finally try them on and see if they’re keepers. He comes into the room and helps me zip up the backs. Next thing I know, the bedroom door’s been locked and I hear another zipper, but this one’s on his pants, going down.

You have to meet the school bus in like 10 minutes! I protest.

So? He says.

And that’s the end of that conversation — at least the verbal one. For the rest of the night, our moods will have shifted. We will be more relaxed, more affectionate, and more connected than we were before that ten minutes. This is why I’ve come to love stolen moments of connection, and how I’ve discovered the beauty of the quickie.

When my partner and I first got together, we saw each other sparingly. I had my kids 98% of the time, so that 5-hour sliver of a weekend we got together was something we made the most of. By which I mean, we spent the majority of it in bed. We texted constantly, so when we finally got in the same room, what we wanted was to feel that physical connection.

It’s been five years, and things have changed in countless ways. Now, we live together. We parent together, we’re domestic together, and, though we still text, the anticipation doesn’t build up the same way it used to. On work nights, I often fall asleep with my head in his lap while we watch TV together. As all relationships do, ours has ebbed and flowed into its current season.

Quickies are sweet, just for you, and feel a little naughty because you get to enjoy them in secret.

Our time without kids is limited, and must be divided between errands, fun outings, time in bed, household stuff, and let’s be honest, sometimes there are naps. Being an adult is tiring! We still enjoy spending some of our time in the bedroom, but the opportunity for long, involved playtime often comes only once a week if that. Sometimes, waiting until we have a couple of hours to linger just seems like too long.

If that sweet weekend afternoon sex is a feast, a quickie is your favorite cookie, stolen and savored by yourself in the darkness of the pantry where your kids can’t see. It’s sweet, just for you, and feels a little naughty because you get to enjoy it in secret. It’s a special kind of satisfying that can whet your appetite and build anticipation.

In the past, I haven’t been that excited about quickies. It just seemed like a nuisance, something that took my time when I could be doing whatever else I was supposed to be doing. It seemed pointless, most likely because I wasn’t doing it with the right person within a healthy relationship. I don’t feel that anymore. I’ve come to view quickies as another really useful tool in our drive for a healthy and connected relationship.

Variety is the spice of life, right? Sometimes, you want a four course meal, but other times that McDouble and fries is exactly what you’ve been craving. Sex comes in so many forms, it can be gentle and loving, rough, frenzied, loving, lustful, slow and fast. The more ways you have to explore each other, the better.

I’ve personally learned to embrace the quickie even when I’m not necessarily feeling it beforehand. I’ve discovered a ton about myself and my sexuality over the last few years, and exploring certain kinky relationship dynamics has helped. I’ve learned that with my partner, I am pretty much always in the mood, even if I don’t realize it. We’ve had good sex and better sex, but we’ve never had bad sex.

Knowing that he wants to get it on even when we’ve got a very limited amount of time gives me the opportunity to appreciate our undeniable chemistry.

One of the things I love most about my partner is how much he desires me. I spent such a long time feeling un-wanted and un-desirable, and being with someone who seems to want to ravish me pretty much all the time is extremely freaking empowering. Knowing that he wants to get it on even when we’ve got a very limited amount of time reminds me of this. It gives me the opportunity to appreciate our relationship and undeniable chemistry.

There are so many elements to good sex, the underlying implication that there’s something else you should be doing is part of what makes quickies so delicious. It’s as if you want each other so much that you just can’t bring yourself to do those things, to be on time, to ignore the attraction between you any longer. Even if those things were at the back of your mind, piled over with bills and appointments and lessons and to-do lists, initiating a quickie brings them right back to the surface.

There’s something incredibly connective about sex, even when it’s only for a few minutes. The feel of it, the smells, the sounds, but beyond that, the aura of desire and attraction that’s manifested between us. In day to day life, when we’re busy and tired and thinking about a million things at once, it’s easy to let that physical connection slide.

I’ve noticed that the more we have sex, the more we have sex. Keeping that physical side of our relationship within arms reach makes a difference in how we relate to each other from day to day. Quickies aren’t just naughty, they’re a relationship tool for us as a couple who both identify strongly with our sexuality.

We turn away from each other to go to work, to chauffeur kids, to get chores done, and sometimes we forget to turn back towards. Connecting physically, whether it’s for 10 minutes, or an hour, brings that connection rushing back. It reminds us that there’s a reason we chose to do all of this together.

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