The Anti-stress Power of a Spanking
Sex releases pleasure hormones. And so does pain.
For some people, sex is the last thing they desire when they’re stressed. For me, it’s the first thing that comes into my mind; I found it to be my best stress reliever. But not merely “sex and orgasm”, that won’t do the work if my stress levels are high. Only kink sex will put my mind back to track.
This week has been very stressful for me. I’m moving to a new place, and besides all the headaches that come with it — boxing all the belongings, buying new furniture in a low budget, and fearing about the changes that are going to happen — I’ve also had other events disturbing my peace.
Mr P., my lover, is the same as me regarding sex and, unfortunately, he’s also going through a shitty phase. Yesterday, while I was choosing frying pans in IKEA, he was texting me how frustrated he was feeling. Suddenly, I receive a picture of his hard dick, with the sentence: “time to release stress.”
I had to fight my urge to abandon my shopping trolley and drive to him. Together we could improve our moods! But that wasn’t an option; we both had things to do.
I sexted him back and helped him to have a pleasurable orgasm, with him visualising me going down on him. While I continued to choose frying pans, pots, and a wok.
After he had his orgasm, Mr P. asked about me, how I was managing my stress. My answer was: I need a spanking!
I’ve always used sex as a stress reliever, but it was since I discovered I’m a kinkster that I learned sex is more than a way to decompress: it’s a way to connect deeply with myself and to feel pleasure beyond explanation; it’s a way to annihilate stress.
As I wrote on my piece, My orgasmless kink sex is better than my orgasmed vanilla sex, often I get more pleasure from being spanked, bitten and having my hair pulled hard than having vanilla sex. I also love sweet, vanilla sex, but there is an intensity in rough sex; a raw, carnal pleasure that throws me to an out-of-body experience (known in the BDSM culture as subspace), that I don’t feel in any other circumstance.
Also, the effects I get from a scene of kink sex are long-lasting. While in vanilla sex, the pleasure and wellbeing that comes as a result of an orgasm linger in my body and mind for a bit; the sensation of ecstasy, peace and deep connection I get from kink sex — even if I don’t climax — lasts for hours. It has happened to last more than 24 hours!
Science explains this phenomenon:
Why kink sex is a stress reliever
When you assume a submissive role in power-play, you allow yourself to let go, completely. Anything that is mining your mind, your worries and anxieties, don’t have a place in a scene. As they shouldn’t in vanilla sex, but, for me, even practising mindfulness during sex, if I’m stressed, I can’t deeply connect with my body and my lover. I still have pleasure, but the “let-go feeling”, the full-body sensorial experience only happens in kink sex.
Scientific studies have proven that during an orgasm, our body releases pleasure hormones (oxytocin and endorphins), and the levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, decreases. What science also showed us is that during a BDSM scene, even one without an orgasm, the same hormonal change happens:
Female participants who were bound, receiving stimulation, and following orders also showed increases in testosterone during the scenes. Thereafter, participants who reported that their SM [sadomasochist] activities went well showed reductions in physiological stress (cortisol) — Source
Pain activates the same brain areas than an orgasm does (source), and that explains why I have more pleasure in my kink orgasmeless sex than in my orgastic vanilla one.
Of course, you have to be open to the idea of feeling a bit of pain during sex for this to happen; after all, sex always starts in the brain. I never thought I was. I mean, I always loved when my sexual partners spanked my ass while we were having sex, but it never crossed my mind I’d enjoy being flogged or spanked until my flesh changes its colour. And here I am, writing about it and craving a scene with all my senses.
I’ve been very stressed, and I can’t wait to meet my lover again, for him to cuff me to the bed and offer me a pleasurable, intense session of spanking. That, for me, is the best stress reliever I have in life.
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