Do You Want to Have Mind-Blowing Sex? Be Vulnerable.

Your vulnerability will sexually empower you

The word vulnerability is commonly charged with a negative sense; it makes you think about weak or unprotected people. Although the concept includes that definition, there are some occasions where vulnerability is a positive trait. Sex is one of those occasions.

Being vulnerable while having sex will empower you and provide you with an unforgettable experience.

I’ve always loved sex, but all my adulthood I had a slight sense of missing something about it. I felt like I was repressing myself from “something”. I wasn’t sure what, because I never allowed myself to explore it. Out of shame, I confess. I never had the courage to talk about sex with my partners, not even with my thirteen-years husband.

Sometime after the end of my marriage, I went back to dating. I had some short-term relationships and a few casual encounters. I was determined to improve my sex life, to discover what was missing in it. Still, I didn’t find it with those partners.

I knew I was missing intensity in my sexual relationships, a thrill, a raw and even animal sexual instinct. I wanted to feel more; I wanted a kind of sex that would mute my mind, that would make me forget an outside world exists, that would make my body shake under a powerful orgasm.

However, it was only recently that I’ve unveiled the secrets for my pleasures. Not the mundane ones, like the pleasure that comes from the touch of your partner, the arousal of being fucked hard or penetrated sweet and lovingly.

I discovered the ingredient that remained secret for me for so long, the one that now gives me mind-blowing orgasms — I let down my guards, I allowed myself to be vulnerable in sex.

Being vulnerable to someone is hard, especially for me, with my independent and badass personality. But I wanted to try, I knew it would be how I’d achieve my goal. I had to peel off my thick layer; I had to be me, naked in the body and in the soul. I am not talking about feelings or love — I am talking about being present as a Woman, with all my power and insecurities. To show myself to my sexual partner as I am, without fearing his (potential) judgment.

Despite being an active sexual partner, I always went along with what my partners wanted: the positions, how long the act would last, and the orgasm. They always had the control — because I never dared to say when I wanted to try something different, or to have another round or to change the position to increase my pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, I never did anything that wasn’t pleasurable for me, I just used to accommodate to the sex my partner wanted.

But then I shifted my posture about sex: I was going to take responsibility for my pleasure, my sexual partner would not “take care” of my needs anymore. I would make him satisfy me, the same way I was satisfying him. When my mindset changed was when I had my personal sexual revolution.

A few months ago, I started dating Mr P., and he became my experiment subject. We are in a genuine relationship, but when we started, I decided I was going to chase my desires with him. I wanted to try new things, to push myself out of my comfort zone. He accepted my request with no complaints; he did it with a smile on his face, one that had a hidden message that only later on, I understood: he’s a kinkster. I guess I hit the jackpot.

Mr P. and I went out on a few dates, and we talked daily for about a month before we had sex. We built up a good connection and even intimacy before getting naked. When we first had sex, I felt safe, not only physically but emotionally. With him, I was going to explore my sexuality differently — the one deserved. As we all do.

The first time I had sex with Mr P., we were craving each other. That day, we spent half of the day in his room, fucking for hours, with a few breaks in between. With him — but for myself — I let go of a weight I had been carrying for too long: inhibition.

Being vulnerable gave me the most spectacular sexual experience of my life.

I became vulnerable to Mr P., I let him feel me enjoying sex; I ignored the voice in my head reminding me of my body issues. I didn’t care if he saw my sex face or whatever he might think about my “sexual performance”.

I gave voice to my pleasure and asked for what I wanted and showed my lover how I wanted it.

In our sexual encounter, I was vulnerable as I never was before, and that allowed me to have the best sexual experience of my life.

I have a strong and independent personality. In my daily life, you won’t see a shred of vulnerability in me. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it — I do. But I never show it.

I solve my problems on my own; I fight my battles with my resources; I prevent needing someone (for whatever it might be). I built myself a badass woman. But in sex, now, I am vulnerable. I don’t have walls; I don’t hide or pretend; I am raw and exposed. And I am having the best sex of my life.

Being vulnerable in sex isn’t the same as being passive or submissive

Being vulnerable in sex is about allowing yourself to be who you are, to feel what is happening — not repressing, not letting your inhibitions to take over. It’s about allowing yourself to receive what you desire and to give what you want to.

I was never passive in bed (despite having a submissive persona.) Even in a missionary position, my hips move towards my partner, my legs are crossed, or in the air, my fingers deep in his flesh. I am an active sexual partner; I move, I laugh, I tease, I am hunger, and I feed myself on my partner’s arousal.

The difference in my sexual performance now is that when I let go of my inhibitions, I truly started to go with the flow and to do things that before I repressed. For example, I have a thing for nipples (I learned I have a fetish), but I never explored this attraction before; my mind would repress me, labelling me as “weird”.

When Mr P. took his shirt off for the first time, I went for his nipples, tasted them with my tongue, softly bitten them and twisted with my fingers. His reaction was amazing, he’s very sensitive in his nipples, so his excitement fed mine; we had a great time of nipple play. Without intercourse, without genital touching, I was aroused in a way I never experienced before. Things were already changing, just because I allowed myself to explore something that always intrigued me.

Looking back to my sexual encounters, I always wanted to do nipple playing but I never had the courage, I worried my sexual partner could consider me “weird”. That ended it: I will never allow my fears and shames to take over ever again.

Mr P. might not appreciate something that gives me pleasure, but we will talk about it, we will give it a try. And if I don’t get what I wished, it’s because my partner is not into it — it’s an entirely distinct sensation of not having it because I didn’t try it.

I am a badass woman, but in sex, I am vulnerable.

Now I don’t hide my sex face; I ask for what I want; I have fun having mutual masturbation, and if I’m curious to try something (Mr P. has a vast collection of sex toys), I ask him. This openness doesn’t yet come naturally to me, my brain still wants to command and repress my desires, but I won't allow it. Not anymore.

Being vulnerable in sex doesn’t make you weak or impotent: it makes you more powerful than ever. And in return, you will experience the best sex of your life.

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