The 1 kind advice from Dad that created Hollywood’s biggest modern star
What if you knew that one seemingly small piece of advice or one kind gesture could change your child’s life, turning them into one of the most successful people in the world?
This is the kind of power we actually do have as parents.
As our children’s biggest role models, what we say and how we act has an outsized effect on the outcomes of their lives.
They look to us not only for guidance but for permission to pursue certain goals and activities (even when they’re young adults and don’t actually need to ask us for anything anymore).
So what we say to them in critical moments really can change the course of their lives.
The only catch is you never know when those moments are.
What you might think of as an intense, formative interaction could be forgotten by the next day.
What you think might be a casual, throwaway conversation might have a deep impact on what they do or how they see themselves.
This is why I always try, no matter how busy or distracted I may be, not to be impulsive or dismissive when my two boys are talking to me about choices they have to make that may seem trivial in the moment but may actually be deeply important to them.
You just never know what will stay with them.
As an example, consider the case of one of Hollywood’s most important, powerful people: an actor, director, producer, and creative genius behind Marvel Studios and The Mandalorian franchise.
Power player
When I say Hollywood’s biggest modern star in the headline, I don’t mean as an actor.
I mean as the brain behind the media vehicles that allow Hollywood’s biggest current superstars to be superstars.
Although most people know him from the instant Christmas classic Elf, or from molding the entire modern Marvel franchise via his Iron Man movies with Robert Downey Jr., or as the mind behind the Disney and Star Wars megahit franchise The Mandalorian, for me, Jon Favreau will always be the guy who wrote, directed, and starred in one of the most iconic cult films of my (1990s) generation, Swingers.
It wasn’t just that the movie was hilarious and sharp and loaded with some of the most memorable lines from a movie ever, it was that Favreau and his pals just MADE IT HAPPEN.
They shot guerilla-style around Los Angeles and Las Vegas and, lo and behold, something about that longshot movie struck a chord, launching not only Favreau’s career but that of a young Vince Vaughn too.
Swingers inspired a generation of young, male creatives like myself to want to write and create movies.
I never did get around to writing that screenplay (we’ll do it someday, Steve), becoming a journalist instead.
I’ve followed Favreau’s career with awe ever since, however.
But it may never have happened had Favreau’s father had a different response when his son said he wanted to try becoming an actor.
Key advice at a pivotal moment
I love to listen to podcasts while I go on walks down a nature trail near my house.
Typically I get a few laughs and some fluffy entertainment from a pod before moving on to the next one, but occasionally an anecdote will jump out at me that is way more powerful than it seems initially.
So I was listening to the Smartless episode featuring Favreau and he was talking about being in his early 20s and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life.
His parents were apparently quite straight-laced, and Jon had what looked like a promising career in investment banking on the horizon.
But he was drawn to performing, and he wound up moving to Chicago and working at the improv powerhouse Second City.
So he didn’t really know what to expect when he told his dad that he thought he wanted to be in show business instead.
Here’s what he told hosts Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes about that conversation:
I called him from Chicago, like, “I think I want to do this,” after that show I saw. And he says, “You know what? You’re old enough to know and make a responsible decision, but you’re young enough that, if you’re wrong, you could still do something else.”
So that was a permission that I got and I really embraced it.
Not only that, his dad shelled out for a piece of scriptwriting software so Jon would have the tools he needed to start writing for the screen.
Asked about how he wound up writing Swingers, Favreau said:
That was also my dad.
He gave me a copy of Final Draft … you start typing, and it formats it.
And I had read a lot of scripts because I was acting, right … and then when I got the Final Draft program, I just started writing, and next thing you know you’ve got like four pages.
And now I’m writing about me and I’m inspired by my friends and what we would do hanging out.
And the rest is history.
Lots of kids and young adults have big, audacious dreams that seem impossible.
Not everyone has people in their life who say, “Why not go for it?”
Watch what you say
When I was young, I dreamed of being a professional hockey player (as Canadian kids tend to do).
And to this day, I remember admitting that to an adult in my life at the time and getting this as a response: “Do you know the odds of that? You should probably think of something else because that’s not going to happen.”
Their heart wasn’t in the wrong place — they were trying to protect me.
But in doing so, they put doubt in my mind and made me feel stupid for daring to dream that big. And they put a negative memory in my mind for the rest of my life.
Favreau’s pops had it right.
The odds of Jon creating a cult hit movie, which served as a springboard that eventually launched him to his current lofty heights, were infinitesimally small.
But if not him, who? If not at that point, when?
I hope one day, in those pivotal moments, I’ll say the right thing.
I’m pretty confident I will.
Because where’s the joy in a life where kids can’t dream big?
Thanks so much for reading this post all the way to the end! If you enjoyed it, please give it a clap or two so others can find it!
Is this your last free Medium article? Subscribe today using my link ($5 a month, cancel any time) — I’ll get a lil’ kickback, and you’ll get all the awesome content Medium has to offer, risk-free!
My most-read stories
- Do these 4 exercises and you’ll be in the best shape of your life
- Jacked Rob Lowe revealed the 1 harsh truth about staying fit at 60
- I quit alcohol for one month and my side hustle income exploded
- The one priceless book that kicked off my quit alcohol journey
- Bruce Springsteen’s 1 effective fitness tip for staying cut after 70
The latest from me
- 1 effective journalism trick to make huge money as an ADHD writer
- The 1 reason I just don’t care if sober Jennifer Lopez sells alcohol
- 3 reasons your fitness will always be trash if you drink alcohol
- The 1 important reason AI writers will never actually be able to replace us
- Eat these top 5 healthiest foods in the world and you’ll feel amazing
Get an email every time I publish so you don’t miss a story!
