This stuff does not write itself
Ten Headlines in Search of a Joke
Notebook ephemera
Reading Samuel Beckett’s Notebooks, I said, “My notebooks are funnier than this!”
Esperanto is My Love Language
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, they say, which implies that the abdominal cavity for romantics is a mess. What makes my innards turn to goo are early 20th century attempts to popularize socialist, utopian, universal languages!
“Ĉu mi komparu vin kun somera tago? Vi estas same dolĉa kaj modera.” — Ŝekspiro
Oooo, baby!
This is Me, Staring Into Space
“ — ”
What I’ve Been Watching on the Mycelial Network
Fungus Among Us and Spores of New York may be tops with the reality show, gossip mongering set — “I didn’t come here to make friends,” says Fern Liverwort — but true agaricus aficionados look beneath the loam to the more obscure tendrils of mystical mycological aesthetics. My fave these days comes from India. It’s a soap opera based on an ancient text that predates the Mahabharata called कुकुरमुत्ता, which translates as “fungo” in Esperanto.
I’m Just Sayin’
Some things I’ve been saying lately.
- “I made some oatmeal. You want any?”
- “Nice editing, BOFace.”
- “I need to exercise more. I’m taking a nap.”
This Chipmunk Won’t Stop Staring at My Butt
“Is that an accordion in your pocket or am I happy to see you?”
A Butt, an Accordion, and a Chipmunk Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, “What is this? A setup for a Gary Chapin piece in MuddyUm?”
Edward Hopper: Stand up Comic
How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
What Are the Kids Are Calling it These Days?
- Spelunking
- Bacalling the Bogart
- Making oatmeal
- Nice editing
- Sex
- All of the above
It Is Exactly Hot Enough For Me
“Hot enough for you?” She said.
“Yes,” I replied, “Yes. Yes! YES! It is exactly hot enough! My evil plan can now come to fruition! The world shall rue the day they mocked my genius!”
“Okay.” She said. “This is me ruing. Do you want any ketchup or other sauces with your Impossible Whopper?”
2 Tips for Becoming a Broody, Standoffish, Socially Stunted Introvert
Are you too extroverted? Yes. You are. Here are two ways guaranteed to ease the pain your boisterous élan inflicts on any group to which you belong.
- Stop talking
- Oh. I guess it was just one.
End the tyranny of the gregarious! Join us on the Awkward Side!
Thank you Toni Crowe!
Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? So many ways! Check out more of Gary Chapin’s writing. Get the MuddyUm anthology, Wouldn’t You Rather Be Laughing: Comedy Therapies for Sad People. Or just go to MuddyUm.
