Take the Blinders Off And Stop Promoting Covert Narcissistic Abuse

Attorneys, medical professionals, therapists, pastors, school personnel — listen up!

On the whole, you’ve done a terrible job. The legal system, therapy world, church, and even school leaders have perpetuated covert narcissistic abuse on a grand level.

It’s time for it to stop.

By looking the other way, minimizing or discounting the abuse, normalizing the abuse, and shaking it off as “everyone does it,” you have harmed people. You’ve become complicit in the continued emotional and psychological abuse of adults and children worldwide.

I know, I know. Emotional and psychological abuse doesn’t count as abuse, right? If it did, the legal system and the church would fall apart. Judges wouldn’t be re-elected. Law firms would lose partners, and thus revenue. The church would lose power and control over its parishioners and lose many of its parishioners filling the collection basket.

As systems, they must deny the truth to survive, to avoid taking responsibility, to avoid having to change.

And to avoid taking responsibility for that, they tell you the abuse isn’t real or make you feel crazy for even saying it. Gaslighting at its finest.

You can’t Be the Change by standing idly by

As a woman who sees the world through rose-colored glasses, who looks for the best in everyone, I know there are good people in these systems who are trying.

• Maybe they don’t know the signs.
• Maybe they’re too tired and over-worked to try to discern the truth.
• Maybe acknowledging trauma and abuse in another hits too close to home, because they have their own blinders on, and are battling their own demons.
• Maybe they have job insecurity and don’t want to rock the boat.

How often do you brush off the victim’s statements as a difference of opinion, as “he said, she said,” or as not part of the job?

This is not okay.

When you don’t see the truth, you become part of the abuse

Every covert narcissist victim out there knows the pain of being disbelieved, disregarded, dismissed — even painted as the covert narcissist. The covert narcissist has been setting this up from the beginning.

That look friends, family, and professionals give you — the look that implies you’re sad, weak, pathetic, or desperate.

The look that conveys

• I don’t really believe what you’re saying.
• I see you as a middle-schooler stirring up drama.
• I don’t want to hear your story.
• I think you should just “get along.”
• Your “evidence” proves you’re crazy.
• I’m going to nod and smile until you go away.

That look, and the actions that follow, furthers the victim’s abuse. It reinforces their internal shame, their fear, and the belief that

• There is something wrong with the world.
• I am unsafe.
• Something is wrong with me.
• I am invisible.
• I’m too controlling.
• I’m too sensitive.
• I am worthless.

You’ve unknowingly become the covert narcissist’s flying monkey

When even the people the victim turns to for help jump on the narcissist’s bandwagon instead, it’s hard not to throw in the towel. That, by the way, is why the narcissist sets up this scenario.

The narcissist is so lazy, they’ve recruited friends, families, and professionals to gaslight the victims — the adults and children they are bound to protect.

For those ready to take the blinders off, to learn, to help change the world, dive in and explore 11 Ways to Discern the Covert Narcissist Victim from the Covert Narcissist.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: Why Do Narcissists Reject Help With Their Children? and What Is a Comprehensive Definition of a Covert Narcissist?