The subtle signs of depression that you might be overlooking
Depression doesn’t always follow the textbook. These are the subtle signs of depression that you might have missed.
by: E.B. Johnson
Depression is complex and nuanced, but it can also be slow, subtle and creeping too. Though we think we might intimately understand depression, not all the symptoms of declining mental health are the same. Some warning signs of depression can be quieter than others and easily attributed and dismissed by our own selfish need to be “normal” or “happy”.
In order to safeguard ourselves from toxic depression, we have to be honest with ourselves and embrace those aspects of our life and emotion which are dragging us down. Only when we get realistic about how we’re feeling and how those feelings are impacting the quality of our lives, can we get proactive about fixing them. There is a way out of the way you’re feeling right now, but it’s going to take calling those feelings for what they are and accepting (and embracing) your depression.
Depression wears many masks.
Depression can wear a number of masks, and not all of them are the ones we are used to seeing. Though we usually think of the depressed person as overtly sad, withdrawn or otherwise shutdown — they can be perfectionists too, and proactive go-getters than never take a second off of their feet. Depression looks different depending on who you are and how you respond to it, and its symptoms can be far more subtle too. In order to effectively battle the negative feelings that are holding us back, we have to embrace them and see our emotional reality for what it is.
Some signs of depression are less overt than others. Though suicidal ideations and constant sadness might be sure-fire signs that your mental health has taken a plunge, subtle signs too (like mood swings, appetite changes, and even an inability to rest or give yourself a break) need to be acknowledged and addressed.
Stop ignoring the signs of depression that are plaguing you, just because they don’t match to the textbook definitions you might have idealized. Understand your feelings, and embrace them for what they are so that you are better able to build stability in your life and your mental health. We are the only ones who are responsible for safeguarding our wellbeing. Sometimes, that means being honest and accepting reality for what it is. If you’re depressed, don’t ignore the signs until it’s too late. Do something about it by arming yourself with acceptance, compassion and understanding.
The most subtle signs of depression (that you might be overlooking).
Not all depression comes down to extremes in sadness or mood, and not everyone experiences the slow slide into depression the same way. If you feel like you’re dealing with something deep — pay close attention. It’s the subtle signs that can often indicate we’re dealing with depression in our everyday life.
Changes in diet
Our diets form an important part of our health and wellbeing, but we have a tendency to look at them only as a building block — rather than the sometimes symptoms they can truly be. Changes in diet are a subtle sign you might be dealingwith depression, and these changes can include both a decrease in the food you eat or meals you intake, as well as the reverse. When you start to overeat, binge or otherwise punish yourself with a poor diet, this too can be a sign that there’s something brewing beneath the surface.
Disruptions in sleep patterns
Have you noticed a change in your sleeping patterns? Do you sleep far more than normal? Or, do you notice that you’re struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep during the night? These patterns are a commonly overlooked sign of a mind that is overtaxed and struggling with complex emotions or experiences. Dig deeper into these disruptions. Are troubled thoughts to blame? More often than not, the answer is “yes”.
Irritability and lashing out
Moods are important, and when we listen to them, they can provide some important clues. You can think of your moods a bit like a weather vane. If you’ve started lashing out, or you find yourself becoming increasingly irritable with the surrounding people — it can be an early warning sign of depression. The worse we feel, the harder it becomes to confront and deal with the pile of emotions that are building up. Exhausted, our fuses become shorter and shorter until you find yourself exploding, when you least want it or expect it.
Overwhelming perfectionism
Perfectionism is one of the most commonly overlooked signs of depression. While we think of the depressed as those under-achieve, we can actually have the opposite response to the plunge in our mental health. If you’ve found yourself with an obsessive need to get it right (and the subsequent plunge in self-confidence when you fail to get things right the first time) — it might be a sign you’re battling your mental wellbeing. Exceptionally high standards, as well as all-or-nothing ideals, makes it hard for us to maintain any realistic sort of happiness.
No concentration skills
There are a lot of people out there who are struggling to concentrate right now, but it becomes a major disruptor when you’re dealing with depression. Generally, we think of depression as something that just makes us sad or tired. It also impairs our function, however, through impeding our ability to think clearly or make effective, efficient decisions. When you can’t concentrate, you can’t make educated choices, and you can’t thoroughly think through the pros and cons of any major life decision you might make.
Outrageous guilt
Feeling bad has a strange way of making us feel guilty about nothing and everything all at the same time. Society tells us that we should be happy and present a cheerful countenance (especially along the lines of gender) but life is a lot more complicated than that. Increasing guilt, coupled with sliding feelings of happiness and fulfillmen can sometimes be a subtle indication that you’re dealing with complicated feelings of hopelessness that aren’t being addressed. You have a right to your emotions, but that’s something that only you can embrace.
Negative outlook
A constantly negative outlook or “Debbie Downer” approach to life is yet another subtle sign that you might have some dark thoughts that need to be addressed. Our perspective is shaped greatly by our moods and our emotions, and when we find ourselves spiraling downward, it’s usually an indication that our mental wellbeing is doing the same. Consider your perspective. Do you see most things in an optimistic light? A pessimistic light? Or a neutral light? The answer has everything to do with your mental fortitude.
Toggling up and down
Toggling refers to the extreme bounce we get from positive events in the midst of a depressive spell. One often overlooked symptom of depression is the allowing of singular events of “good luck” to take you out of your depression into almost-manic highs; only to crash back down to the ground again once confronted with the reality that your depression is still there — lurking in the background. Toggling indicates extremes, which might otherwise not be so affective if we were to be on an even emotional plane.
Inability to stop or slow down
Just as it can be an indication of unaddressed trauma, an inability to stop or slow down in your life (or even your day-to-day) can be a subtle sign that you’re actually battling depression. Depressive thoughts are hard to swallow, and even harder to work through. As a coping mechanism, many of us find ourselves packing our days and our schedules full to the max; in a desperate effort to distract ourselves from reality. In this path lies danger, however, as to ignore your depression is to find yourself dealing with even more complex issues.
The cost of leaving your depressive symptoms unaddressed.
Once you know you’re dealing with depression, it’s important to seek help and get proactive about cultivating your own happiness. We decide how we want to live our lives, and we ultimately decide how we want to feel while we do it. These are the costs of leaving your depression unaddressed, no matter how subtle the signs might be. Understand them in order to find your way back to action and joy.
Increased substance abuse
Multiple studies have shown a correlation between increased substance abuse and depression in adults. It’s not a hard to see why. When we’re depressed, we’re overwhelmed with complex and toxic emotions and ideas. In order to turn off the pain, many of us feel driven to numb our pain through the abuse of alcohol, drugs or other risky behaviors like gambling and promiscuous sex.
Social isolation
Struggling is an unpleasant place to be, and it makes it hard for us to focus on anything other than the struggle itself. Because depression zaps so much of our energy, it can make it hard to continue to pursue our closest relationships — no matter how badly we might want to. Social isolation is a common side-effect of depression, and one that is made even worse when we fail to address the way we’re feeling or the thoughts that are plaguing our day-to-day.
Denied opportunities
Because you become so socially and internally isolated during depression, it can cause you to adapt a certain type of tunnel vision that prevents you from finding ultimate joy and fulfillment. The longer you remain focused on all the bad thoughts and all the bad experiences (and all the things you didn’t get) the more you will miss out on new opportunities to get better versions of those things. When we pay attention, life has a funny way of offering us the off-ramps we’re looking for.
Increased hopelessness
Depression can begin with slow and subtle symptoms, but it’s important not to underestimate the true insidiousness of its effects. The longer you refuse to face up to your depression, the longer its shadow over your life will become. Hopelessness leads to hopelessness, and inactivity leads to more of the same. If we want to find true and lasting happiness, we have to get proactive about putting our depression in its place.
How to combat subtle and creeping depression.
While depression is not always a battle that we can fight on our own, it is a condition that we can manage greatly within our own means. By accepting where we’re at and learning how to embrace the full width of our experiences — we can learn to live happier lives. This takes learning how to be present, however, and it learns to value our experiences and every ounce of hard work we’ve put in to get where we are.
1. Accept where you are
So many of us struggle to overcome our depression because we refuse to acknowledge it as a part of our lives, but so many more of us struggle to overcome our depression because we refuse to meet ourselves where we’re at in the path. Once you’ve acknowledged there’s a problem, you’ll often be in a rush to get to the next milestone or fix it. Depression doesn’t come with instant gratification. You have to learn to meet your pain halfway and embrace where you’re at in the journey.
Take a step back and honestly assess where you’re at in your life. Look at your feelings with brutal honesty and embrace the circumstances that are contributing to your happiness or your sorrow. Accept where you’re at. Look at the ugliness of it and don’t try to force yourself into a space you’re not ready to inhabit.
Learn to be as present in your pain as you are in your joy. Stop running from those creeping feelings and turn around and face them courageously. The only way to overcome your depression — truly battle it and find a way to put it back in the box where it belongs — is to see it for what it is. Meet yourself halfway and let go of the idea that you have to be a certain person who feels certain things. Your journey is your own. Start a mindful journalling practice, or just take a few quiet minutes every day to be with yourself and your thoughts.
2. Don’t generalize the experience
Many of us have a bad habit of overgeneralizing the way we feel, or downplaying our suffering under the idea that it’s a natural part of the processor less-worthy of attention. We lump together all that negativity and those bad emotions, and then make that the center of our focus rather than seeing the bigger picture for what it actually is. Rather than overgeneralizing our lives and our experiences, we have to force ourselves to see that life (for everyone) is a sum of both good and bad experiences.
Stop overgeneralizing and start recognizing the full scope of your emotions and your environment. Make a conscious effort to view the big picture at every instance and understand that just because you’re caught up in the bad now doesn’t mean life will always be that way.
Notice those things in your life which you are putting far too much weight on. Has one bad experience caused an endless spiral of guilt, obsession and regret that you just can’t seem to get over? Expand the way you see yourself and expand the way you see the world. Understand that no one — not a single person on this planet — has a life free from suffering. We all suffer in our own ways. It is up to us to manage that suffering and find a pathway to happiness that works for us.
3. Reward yourself
Coming back from depression (no matter what level of depression you might be battling) is a tricky process and one that can often seem harder than it’s worth. That’s why it’s important to recognize the small, powerful steps we take in the right direction, and it’s equally important that we reward ourselves for taking those steps. Think of it like positive reinforcement. The more positive you make the experience, the more likely you are to keep moving forward.
Reward yourself for every little positive step you take in this process — no matter how small. You don’t have to book a trip across the world, or spend a ton of money. Just recognize the work you’re putting in and take some time to celebrate yourself and the things you’re getting right.
A few minutes of quiet time, or even cooking your favorite meal are creative ways to treat yourself for a job well done. Likewise, you could buy yourself something small, or even just give yourself a cheat day on that diet you’ve been sticking to. It’s all about moderation, and it’s all about creativity. Make the experience of becoming happy a positive one, and you’ll be all the more likely to continue to pursue it.
4. Go the opposite way
Whether your depression is subtle or overt, you will be familiar with the dark, critical voice that accompanies your meanest thoughts. Once you’ve identified your depression, and pulled it out of hiding, you have to learn how to address this voice and counter its nastiest instincts. Start going the opposite way of your depressive voice and don’t allow its fear and it malignancy hold you back from the future and the opportunities you deserve.
Listen to that depression voice and then start doing the opposite of what it tells you to do. Don’t confuse it with your self-care voice, which is a piece of our conscience that’s looking out for our long-term good. Refuse to give into the short terms solutions your fear and your unhappiness present.
When that voice tells you to sleep for 13 hours — make it a healthy 8 and then force yourself to get up and do something productive. If it tells you to eat that whole cake in one sitting — tell it to shut-up and compromise for 1 piece and a bowl of fruit instead. Going the opposite way of our depression allows us to get back in touch with our happiness and rediscover our strength and independence apart from its permeating poison.
5. Embrace the impermanence of it all
In the heart of the darkness that is depression, it can feel as though you’ll never escape. Negative thoughts and negative experiences have an uncanny way of pulling us in and consuming us in alarming ways. When depression grabs hold, it feels like a battle that will never end. The reality, however, is that — just like everything else in this life — these negative experiences are temporary and will one day change. Embracing the impermanence of it all is a great way to find a path through our depression and back to joy.
Stop believing that where you are right now is where you will always be. Just as your physical body will change and alter with time, so too will your emotions and the way you feel about yourself and the world.
Our emotions are as fleeting and as temporary as anything else in this life. The lowest point of the valley cannot last forever. Even though you might visit other valleys one day, you’re eventually going to come to a hill that’s going to lead you upward (for at least a little while). You won’t be in the same valley forever, and each one will look a little different from the last. Use this knowledge as a comfort and also find comfort in knowing that you have the power to effect the journey and the path you’re on.
6. Find constructive ways to wallow
Sometimes, we just have to wallow where we’re at and allow those feelings to take us where they will. We can learn how to engage in this temporary process constructively, however, through distractions and pastimes that allow us to add to our experience and our understanding of self. By tapping into these constructive means of distraction, we can uncover our confidence again and learn how to shine in new and unexpected ways. It takes bravery, however, and learning how to sit with your emotions no matter how uncomfortable they may be.
Look for positive ways to use your negative emotions. These can either be profitable creative outlets, or your own private channels of passion and engagement. If you’re struggling with sadness and loss, try your hand at painting and put on the canvas what you see when you close your eyes.
Likewise, writing, designing and even composing are great ways to let your emotions out in exciting ways that engage your mind and your heart simultaneously. Allow your feelings to be your guide into a new world of self-expression and let that negativity out itself and manifest in something that can benefit not only you — but the world at large too. Distract yourself with creative pastimes, but also use those pastimes to sit quietly with your emotions and the way they affect you. Finding constructive ways to wallow is one of the quickest and most enjoyable ways to get through.
7. Small steps, big results
When you’re suffering with depression (and you’ve finally realized it) you can find yourself in a mad dash to feel better again. You might throw all the healing at yourself, reading all the books and doing all the meditations; or, you might find that you force happiness you’re not quite ready for. These tactics, however, are guaranteed for failure. That’s because the only way to truly find our way back to happiness is to take slow, small steps that allow us to absorb the lessons and healing we need to get along the way.
Take small, focused steps toward finding your joy again. Don’t rush toward the finish line or expect to tap into your fulfillment and happiness overnight. Coming back from depression is a process, and it’s one that can often be fraught with setbacks and repeat patterns.
Be gentle with yourself and move slowly. Don’t be cruel or critical when you find yourself backsliding, instead view it as a natural part of healing. Extend the compassion you would extend to a friend or loved one to yourself. Move with intention toward the emotions and experiences you want to fill your life and move slowly. When we make small goals, we make it easier to achieve them. Don’t rush toward enlightenment when you haven’t even learned how to crawl in joy. Slow down and learn to love the process.
8. Open up to a professional
Despite what you may think, we are now living in the age of digital therapy — and that comes with a number of benefits for those of us suffering from subtle or creeping depression. First, we have more options than ever; with a range of specialists and experts at our fingertips from around the world. Secondly, opening up to a professional is now more affordable than ever and can be done from the comfort, quiet and safety of your own home.
Don’t be afraid to open up to a professional when you’re really struggling. Mental health experts provide invaluable insight, and can also help us dive deeper into our emotions (and past traumas) in a safer way. Let go of any stigma might you see around the idea of talking to someone and allow yourself to release that pain to someone who can help you sort through it.
You don’t have to feel committed to the first expert or the first treatment plan you get. Shop around. Look for someone who has experience dealing with your issues, and don’t be afraid to say “No thanks,” if you feel like you aren’t being seen or listened to in the way you need to be. Not every professional will have the answers that work for you. Open up your mind and your heart, however, and let yourself find relief by expressing your experience to someone who is equipped to understand it.
Putting it all together…
Depression is complicated and scary, and it can creep over us before we’ve had an opportunity to realize what’s happened. Some signs of depression are subtle and slow-moving, acting contradictory to the ideas we have of poor mental health. In order to truly tap into our true happiness we have to embrace these warning signs (and our reality) for what they are. Once we’ve accepted that we’re dealing with depression, we can start taking steps to overcome it.
Accept where you’re at and stop trying to force a narrative that isn’t true. It’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to not be where you want to be. Accept where you’re at, and use this newfound knowledge to get focused on where you need to go. Stop overgeneralizing the way you feel and recognize the full scope of your emotions and the way they’re being impacted by your environment. Reward yourself for every single step you take in the right direction and learn how to go the opposite way of that depressive voice that tells you to go deeper and deeper into the dark. The way you feel right is temporary, so tip your head to this impermanence and find constructive ways to wallow and distract yourself when the feelings get too hard to bear. Small steps lead to big results, so don’t rush the process and don’t push yourself into places you aren’t ready to go. If you can’t keep up, find a mental health professional that you can finally open up to, and let them shift your perspective. Stop ignoring the subtle signs of depression and allow yourself to thrive despite the circumstances.
