Struggling to Understand the Narcissist? Smug Silent Treatment or Are They Really Out?

Summary

Understanding a narcissist's behavior, particularly when they suddenly cease communication, can be challenging, but it often follows predictable patterns related to punishment, deflection, or pursuit of new sources of validation.

Abstract

The article discusses the difficulties in deciphering a narcissist's mind, emphasizing that despite variations among narcissists, their behaviors can be predictable. It outlines reasons why a narcissist might abruptly end contact, such as to punish, deflect responsibility, gain extra narcissistic supply, or pursue a new source of supply. The article delves into scenarios where the narcissist may still be living with the victim, has moved out, or does not share a home or children, and it underscores the unacceptable nature of the silent treatment in any relationship. It also addresses the concept of trauma bonds and the importance of recognizing the need for healing. The piece concludes by reframing the question from "When will they be done with me?" to "When will you be done with them?" and provides resources for further understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse.

Opinions

The silent treatment is seen as a form of punishment and a manipulative tactic used by narcissists.
Narcissists may use the silent treatment to deflect responsibility for their actions or to avoid dealing with the consequences.
A narcissist's pursuit of additional narcissistic supply can lead to devaluation of current relationships.
The article suggests that a narcissist's behavior is not normal or healthy and that it is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who employs such tactics.
The author emphasizes that accepting the silent treatment or other manipulative behaviors as normal is indicative of a trauma bond and a need for healing.
The article advocates for self-empowerment by shifting the focus from the narcissist's actions to the victim's readiness to move on.
Dr. Melissa Kalt, MD, is presented as an expert in the field, offering a free risk-assessment guide and inviting readers to engage with her work for further support and guidance.

How do you know if they’re really done with you?

Trying to understand the narcissist mind and behavior is like trying to make sense of the senseless. In and of itself, it’s crazy making.

That said, while narcissists come in all different flavors, there are distinct similarities in their patterns of behavior that make them predictable.

A narcissist will abruptly end contact with you for one or more reasons.

To punish you

To deflect responsibility for their behavior

To get extra narcissistic supply from you

To pursue a new source of supply

If you live together and they haven’t moved out, it’s likely a silent treatment.

The narcissist may be punishing you for calling them out, asking them to change, or even being imperfect yourself. Their narcissistic injury is followed by narcissistic rage and now, consciously or subconsciously they are punishing you.

The narcissist may be deflecting or avoiding taking responsibility. Maybe they bought a boat without talking to you. Rather than taking responsibility for this decision, they give you the silent treatment. By the time they’re speaking to you again, you’ve let the boat thing go.

The narcissist may need extra narcissistic supply. Maybe they’ve lost a source of supply when a friend, family member, or co-worker flipped to “all bad” in their mind. Say they were getting 60% from you, 20% from that other person, and 20% from a few other sources. They will devalue you to make up the 20% they lost — kind of like flogging a racehorse for a final burst of energy.

The narcissist may be pursuing a new source of supply and communicating with you is killing the vibe.

If you don’t live together or have children together, stop right now and consider their behavior, then look at their possible reasons again.

Is a silent treatment acceptable from anyone, much less your partner?

Are any of the above reasons acceptable from a partner?

Let me be really clear about this.

Giving someone the silent treatment is NOT “normal.” In NO case is it healthy. It is not possible to create a healthy relationship with someone who uses this technique.

Additionally, in NO case is it acceptable for someone to punish you, to avoid responsibility for their actions, to use and abuse you for narcissistic supply, or to pursue a new source of supply outside the boundaries you mutually set for your relationship.

Answering “yes” or even “maybe” to either of those questions, shines a spotlight on your trauma bond. It highlights a need for healing.

Once you break free from that bond and see the situation clearly, you realize it’s the wrong question.

The question is when will you be done with them?

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Struggling to Understand the Narcissist? Smug Silent Treatment or Are They Really Out?

How do you know if they’re really done with you?

Analyzing the pattern

If you live together and they haven’t moved out, it’s likely a silent treatment.

If you live together and they have moved out, it could be a silent treatment or a discard.

If you don’t live together or have children together, stop right now and consider their behavior, then look at their possible reasons again.

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