Stop Making Excuses for the Troubling Behavior of Children and Youth
While some bad actors willfully choose this path in life, help is available to bring about positive change.
It is frightening and it is disgusting. Unruly children, teens, and young people everywhere are also wreaking havoc everywhere.
Many schools have become battlefields where fights and brawls abound. School personnel and students alike sustain injuries while becoming victimized by the violent episodes caused by out-of-control students. Several disruptive students create chaos in classrooms and throughout the school environment by destroying it. They overturn the desks of classmates as well as their teachers, throw books and chairs, and rip bulletin boards to shreds. In other instances, students torment their peers by bullying them without mercy. Sadly, many of these students defy school rules and remain unstoppable. And these disruptive students prevent teachers from teaching and students from learning.
Turf wars that young people engage in make it dangerous for residents to enjoy their communities. The gun battles that erupt randomly change the lives of families forever as they also steal the lives of innocent victims. In many instances, homeowners who pay taxes are denied the opportunity to live in safety and peace, and those who lease their property are also denied these residential rights. Living in fear of violence in the streets has also caused children to be denied the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors to play.
Mob shoplifting has become a phenomenon in some places. Large groups of brazen children and teens burst through the doors of shopping establishments and steal in bulk. Teen-initiated gun battles and brawls continue to occur in shopping areas like malls and department stores. Individuals need to remain on high alert while shopping.
Incorrigible and disrespectful children and youth disregard the authority of teachers, school leaders, elders, pastors, law enforcement officials, and any other person who serves in these capacities. Most disturbingly, this also includes parents in a lot of instances. Rules mean nothing to these young people. Such defiant children and teenagers audaciously scream lewd and profane language and other insults during verbal interactions with these adults. And many unapologetically hit, kick, punch, scratch, and ram their bodies into these adults as well as spit on them.
The reality is clear. Some children, teenagers, and young people are terrorizing our society.
This Problem Is Real
Five realities exist that are pervasive as it relates to the unsettling behavior of some of the younger members of our society.
- Some have diagnosed physical, mental, and behavioral health conditions that manifest in conduct disorders and challenges. When parents agree, schools provide various services for them if they have an IEP (Individual Education Program), Service Agreement, or received services through an Intervention Plan. And many parents work with community agencies and medical providers to ensure that their children receive the help that they need outside of school. Despite the implementation of treatment plans, various interventions, and so much more, children and teens continue to work through the manifestation of the behaviors associated with their diagnosis. And doing so takes place within schools, homes, and the community.
- Sadly, some children and teens display behavioral problems and are thought to have a physical, mental, or behavioral health condition but fail to receive a diagnosis or the services they need. The reasons are sobering as to why this happens. Sometimes parents deny that their child may need an evaluation to get to the root cause of their adverse behaviors. These mothers and fathers may dispute educators’ concerns and may be apt to blame teachers and administrators for their child’s conduct at school. Such parents may refuse to work with the school or other agencies to get help for their children. Some parents may be overwhelmed with their child’s behavior at home at do not know what to do. They may remain blind to the disturbing behaviors of their children. Sadly, without the help they require, they evolve into uncontrollable young people.
- Some mothers and fathers lack adequate parenting skills to teach their children behavior boundaries. The result is very disturbing. Their children and teens become disrespectful and rogue members of society who defy the authority, laws, mores, and rules. In severe instances, these deviants devalue humanity and inflict pain, suffering, and harm on others, even through death.
- Many wonderful parents are confronted with the reality of their child’s choices in life. Their sons and daughters willfully and persistently make terrible choices in life because they choose the wrong friends, acquaintances, and paths. These children and teens abandon their home training as well as the family values they were taught and choose a life filled with violence, abuse, disrespect, anger, and defiance. For those who choose this path, it is more important to unite with like-minded thugs, agitators, and rowdy hellions than to focus on being morally decent and well-behaved young citizens who display self-control.
- For the most part, educators engage in continuous training so that the best practices are used as they work with students. This includes effective classroom management techniques, crisis interventions, positive behavior strategies, the use of individualized modifications, adaptations, and interventions, trauma-informed care, and incentive programs. Despite the relevant professional development they receive and regardless of their adherence to student management protocols, these things are not enough to reduce nor eliminate the incidents of violent disruptions in classrooms and schools. All the problems associated with derogatory student behavior continue to evolve into nonstop occurrences within many educational environments. Sadly, quality and sustainable instruction and student learning cannot take place.
Despite these realities about the reasons why our society is plagued with problems with some children and youth, excuses that justify their unacceptable behaviors remain as pervasive as their poor conduct.
A Recent Reminder
I recently watched a news report that highlighted all the incidents involving the defiant and dangerous behavior of several youths in the city where I reside. A community leader who was interviewed simply regurgitated an opinion about why they believe that young people are engaging in disturbing acts of misconduct.
As I listened to the individual, their words echoed the excuses that many people continue to amplify for the younger members of society committing derogatory acts in schools, within the community, and within their homes.
Instead of calling children and young people out as deviants, here are the three excuses that continue to be made to give them a pass on their explosive, unacceptable, and despicable behaviors.
1. Mental Health Problems
It has almost become cliche and commonplace to blame all acts of misconduct on mental health problems. While many members of society including children and youth who display disruptive tendencies suffer from various mental health issues, many unruly children and youth do not.
Some of those who are violent, explosive, and dangerous simply decide to be crude. And they do not have an official mental health diagnosis nor do they display symptoms connected to a medical diagnosis.
People within our society including leaders need to stop excusing the bad behavior of young people by randomly attributing their conduct to mental health problems. Additionally, uncredentialed and unqualified people need to stop diagnosing disruptive youth with unofficial mental health problems.
2. The Pandemic
Many lives were destroyed, devastated, and forever changed because of the pandemic. This includes children and teenagers.
Information about the stress children and young people endured throughout the height of the pandemic continues to circulate. Grief, sadness, and social isolation along with the learning loss that resulted from virtual learning were among some of the devastating outcomes that adversely impacted this group of individuals.
Consequently, it has become convenient for many people within our society to use these facts to justify and virtually excuse the behavior of children and teenagers who behave disgracefully. According to the perspective of those who blame the pandemic for the severe misconduct, it is as though the pandemic has given students a pass to be devious. However, some important facts must be acknowledged.
For the most part, the terrible behaviors that some children and teens currently manifest were displayed long before the coronavirus created our global health crisis. Countless classrooms, schools, communities, and parents struggled with horrific acts of misconduct. Teachers were being attacked long before the pandemic and countless students were destroying classrooms, too. And some routinely attacked their peers as they engaged in unstoppable violent fights and brawls. A lot of sons and daughters defied the authority of their parents within their homes before the pandemic. Many children and young people compromised the safety of residents within their communities by engaging in criminal activities. And these represented routine occurrences within many places many years before the pandemic.
The pandemic cannot rationalize nor defend habitually dangerous and lawless children and youth.
3. There Is Nothing for Children and Youth to Do
Many community members have become quick to affirm that there are not enough meaningful activities for children and teens to participate in within their communities. Because of this, they believe that some become mischievous and dangerous as a way of occupying their time. To me, this is a ludicrous assertion.
I believe that all parents need to play an active role in monitoring their child’s use of time. They need to remain active in connecting their children and teens to various activities and programs that contribute to their overall growth and development.
This starts with mothers and fathers being aware of their child’s interests and talents. Then, parents must be willing to connect them to programs relevant to these things. While there may be financial difficulties that may limit their child’s involvement in some activities or developmental programs, parents should use their resourcefulness to enable their child to participate. For example, local community groups may provide some free activities for youth. It is up to the parents to find these programs and connect their children to them. Whether it’s a church, recreation center, afterschool programs, YMCA, or athletic booster organization, there are plenty of activities for children and youth to participate in.
Furthermore, many schools provide extracurricular activities and clubs for students to participate in. Even though parental support is important, students must learn to self-advocate and develop self-motivation to get involved in these activities.
Older youth can get a part-time job, especially if opportunities exist within their communities. Fast food restaurants, stores, and small businesses are among the list of potential employers young people can turn to for employment if they have the desire to work. Social media makes it easy for them to use their creativity to become an entrepreneur. Or, young people can serve others within their community or region by volunteering.
These days mothers and fathers work very hard to provide for their families. Parents need to teach their children to make positive family contributions by helping in the home. Children and teens need to regularly complete chores. Whether it is assisting with the laundry, cooking, keeping their living space clean, and so on, the younger members of the family have less idle time when they make meaningful contributions.
Finally, when students are focused learners they take the initiative to remain engaged with learning. This includes reading as well as relying on other mediums to learn. And being a diligent learner takes time.
So, for members of society to declare that there is nothing for children and youth to do serves as a weak excuse because there is plenty for them to do to keep them occupied. But it becomes extremely troubling when members of the community also declare that children and teens engage in devious and violent acts because they have nothing to do with their time.
The Conclusion Confronts the Reality
Out-of-control children and youth have broken society. And the community continuously sees a reflection of this. Regardless of their age, citizens are feeling a wide range of emotions. Fear, frustration, anxiety, and anger grip people with a relentless hold everywhere.
Members of society who are guilty of doing so must stop creating excuses for the bad behavior that some children and teenagers display.
As a former school administrator and current family engagement influencer, I offer the following solutions to help solve this pervasive problem.
- Educational, community, political, religious, and family leaders must initiate efforts to affirm the existence of this serious problem without making excuses for the causes.
- A lot of individuals such as community leaders need to stop expecting schools to solve all problems related to students. This includes the terrible behaviors some students display not only in school but in their communities and homes. It is unfair to expect educators to tackle this issue with sustainable success. Private citizens and the community at large need to understand that parents must play a significant role in resolving this problem.
- Solving this problem must include maintaining honesty. Analyzing the root causes of deviant behaviors must be included in strategies to eradicate this societal issue. For example, I believe there is a connection between poor parenting skills and the derogatory behavior of some sons and daughters. Therefore, a radical approach such as the one that follows must be implemented. Just as teacher and educator training is required to prevent this problem within schools, parenting training must become mandatory for those mothers and fathers who require this support based on the behavioral deficits of their children.
- Varied community and family resources need to be accessible to provide behavior management assistance to the parents, children, and teens who require it the most. To me, federal legislation needs to be enacted that establishes mandatory support and participation for the families of children and youth who willfully engage in continuous and serious acts of misconduct.
- Many schools provide quality training programs to help educators provide individualized behavior interventions for students. However, when data show that schools are in crisis due to student violence, more resources need to be allocated to them to provide the assistance they need.
- Law enforcement and human service agencies as well as faith-based organizations must aggressively collaborate to develop strategies that make a positive difference for children and youth.
While this story addresses behavioral concerns straightforwardly, there is one final thought that needs to be shared. Regardless of the poor choices children and young people make, they still deserve unconditional support, guidance, and love. I believe combining these elements to build their character along with the recommendations that I propose can help make improvements within our society.
If you appreciated reading my perspective on this topic, here are more thought-provoking stories I have published about the disturbing behavior of children and youth as well as the role parents must play in reversing this troubling trend.
In addition to these stories that I have written, many organizations address this topic through the distribution of online resources including articles. Links for a few publications that will enrich your knowledge base and broaden your perspective follow.
Youth.gov: “Externalizing Behavior Management”
Parenting.com: “Unspoiling Spoiled Kids”
Ed.gov (US Department of Education): “Supporting At-Home Behaviors Among Elementary School Students”
Thank you for your interest in this story as well as this topic.
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Dr. Deborah M. Vereen is a retired Teacher and School Administrator. Her website is www.Drdeborahmvereen.com and her YouTube Channel is
Copyright © 2022 Dr. Deborah M. Vereen. All rights reserved.
