SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Spirit, Meet Flesh Bag — You Belong Together

Day 34 of 50 questions for deep self-reflection

What does presence mean to you? The first thing that came to mind for me was, ‘not being completely dissociated.’ In this exploration of self and identity, I discover that presence for me is about associating my spirit into my own body and allowing myself to experience life without stumbling over the expectations of others. I barely avoided an existential crisis!

This is day 34 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY THIRTY-FOUR: How can you begin to feel the power of your own presence?

That dissociation thing again

This question instantly made the word dissociation flash around me like a beacon of trauma.

“How can I bring my outer world into alignment with my inner needs? By seeing the outer world as a reflection and becoming aware of if it’s reflecting the created mask or my truth.”

I spoke about this a little in the day 26 prompt which I’ve linked here for ease:

For me, presence is very much linked to association and disassociation, for to be present in time and space we first need to be present within our own time and space, within our own existence.

Merriam Webster has quite a bit to say on the subject of presence.

Presence as defined by Merriam-Webster^:

Essential Meaning of presence

1: the fact of being in a particular place : the state of being present

2: the area that is close to someone

3: someone or something that is seen or noticed in a particular place, area, etc.

Full Definition of presence

1: the fact or condition of being present (see PRESENT entry 3)

2a: the part of space within one’s immediate vicinity

2b: the neighborhood of one of superior especially royal rank

3 archaic : COMPANY sense 2a

4: one that is present: such as * the actual person or thing that is present; * something present of a visible or concrete nature

5a: the bearing, carriage, or air of a personespecially : stately or distinguished bearing

5b: a noteworthy quality of poise and effectivenessthe actor’s commanding presence

6: something (such as a spirit) felt or believed to be present

Presence in my experience

Reading over the Merriam-Webster definitions, I feel like presence is flexible, fluctuating, open to interpretation, and of course, based on perception. Hmm, sounds just like gender to me (there was no point even trying to resist that once the thought waved its little thought hand at me).

Based on the ‘definitions’ of presence above, I could be disassociated and still be present (if my dissociated self is in the vicinity of my flesh bag). But I feel like that is a little too much to deal with all at once. Let’s keep it a touch lighter. So, I feel like in my perception, to me, presence, as referred to in this question, is really about the final definition noted above:

6: something (such as a spirit) felt or believed to be present

Presence as a singular is clearly too huge of a concept for me to yet integrate, so let’s use this definition to make the question one I can perhaps attempt to answer without throwing myself into an existential crisis. All it takes is one little change, of one little word.

How can I begin to feel the power of my own SPIRIT?

For some reason, that feels easier to deal with. This new question no longer requires my… presence? Oh, dear. Let’s not go down that rabbit hole! This new question no longer requires my association. Yes, yes. I 100% know exactly what just happened — I saw it too, but I’m going to take that one away for now. Perhaps I’ll come back with a full article about how I am still so thoroughly disassociated from myself that I am unable to embrace the concept of presence. And I thought I’d made so much progress. I guess at least I’ve paved the way to step onto that path now. But not today.

I’m just going to stay over here

But I digress. Allow me to remain dissociated and answer this question from the sidelines because I’m clearly not ready to do otherwise. Spirit, in my perception and interpretation, is about that inner part of me that is my deepest truth.

How can I begin to feel the power of my own SPIRIT?

• By paying attention to my internal feelings rather than external expectations.
• By making decisions based not on logic or the ‘right thing’ or the ‘smart thing’ but rather by choosing which option makes me feel better.
• By listening to my inner voice (intuition) instead of dismissing it.
• By engaging in conversations with my inner voice — if I don’t understand its guidance, instead of dismissing it, asking it why?
• By allowing any answer to the above, to be enough.
• By allowing my genderless inner truth to just BE

Language is interesting because there are often so many possible interpretations — just look at the variety of definitions for ‘presence’. I needed to define it as the spirit to literally dissociate from the word so that I could answer this question. There is still much work to be done before I can explore ‘presence’ but for now, at least I have some clarity around how I can feel the power of my spirit. Imagine what I’ll be capable of when I associate my spirit into my flesh bag!

^Ref: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/presence

If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:

Don’t miss out on anything! Follow/subscribe for notifications and be the first to catch my latest articles. Run out of free reads? Click here to join Medium now for access to everything. Please note, this is an affiliate link and I receive a financial reward if you follow the link to join. Thank you for feeding the author!