Sometimes, You Don’t Need to Quit. Sometimes, What You Need is to Start Over.

I had a moment of enlightenment when I least expected it.

I was ready.

Ready to end my relationship and be single again because I’d been feeling unseen, unsatisfied, and genuinely felt like my relationship was a drag to my life and my goals.

My partner and I went to a counseling session, and I felt I genuinely had no other choice but to end the relationship so I could stop being unfair to myself and to him.

Think about it: do you really want to stay in a relationship when one person is willing to work on it, and the other isn’t?

After that counseling session, I felt defeated.

I felt the best and only thing to do was end it all and start a different chapter of my life.

But then a thought hit me. Something in me said you can start over, even in your existing relationship.

And that led me to a completely different answer than the one I thought was the best — ending things.

My boyfriend isn’t a bad person. Not at all. I would say the same thing about myself. Heck, I would say we’re both great people.

We’re just human, and we make mistakes. And at the beginning of our relationship, we made plenty.

After we started dating, I realized a lot of the mistakes and unhealthy habits that we had.

But after some time (almost two years), I began feeling resentful about them and what seemed like a lack of change and growth.

I felt like after two years, we should be much further along in our emotional maturity, personal growth, development, etc.

But the journey never goes as expected.

I know that, yet I still fell into the trap of thinking that things were supposed to be different at this point.

The truth is, I have no idea if this is precisely where I’m supposed to be or if I’m jacking up my life by pursuing this path (I’m not just talking about my relationship. I also mean the career and lifestyle I’m pursuing).

The only thing I do know for sure is I have faith that somehow, someway, things are going to work out.

Back to my point…

The more I thought about it, the more excited I got.

Starting over, what a wonderful idea.

My partner is very much willing to communicate and try to understand me and my needs, which I have plenty of.

And after a while (plenty of individual counseling sessions and self-reflecting moments), I realized that is exactly what I want from my significant other.

I’ve learned that when my needs are met, I’m a freaking sweetheart.

I feel happy, fulfilled, understood, seen, satisfied, and content.

And if you’ve seen a woman like that, she’s a walking ray of sunshine.

But more importantly, all those things combined mean perhaps the most important thing a woman needs in her relationship — I can rely on my partner. I can let my guard down, be vulnerable, and feminine.

I can trust that my partner will honor and respect my wishes.

And I don’t know about you ladies (and gents), but there isn’t anything more attractive (at least to me) than a man who respects you, respects what you want, and shows it.

Aside from the revelation that starting over had on my relationship.

I started thinking about other areas of life where we may feel like we need to quit so we can continue moving forward.

Our careers, our friendships, our finances.

Have you heard those stories of people who quit their jobs and traveled for months?

Odds are they were broke AF after that and found themselves back at square one. They were probably forced to accept a job they hated to survive.

This example makes me think about how we take the concept of starting over to an extreme — ending marriages, quitting jobs, moving cities (without any sort of plan), etc.

Sometimes, starting over is as simple as letting go of the past and redefining what you want and where you want to go.

This is how I’m starting over in my relationship.

I chose to let go of all the past mistakes we’ve made, the pain we’ve caused each other because we didn’t know better, and the grand expectations and disappointments.

I chose to redefine what I want and where I’m going, and more importantly, I choose to believe that we can overcome this challenge.

I choose to believe that we can work through this and come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and more understanding of one another.

If you’ve been waiting to start over, let this be the sign that tells you and shows you that it can happen right where you are.

You don’t need to quit your job; you don’t need to end your relationship (that’s a very personal decision, but sometimes it may not be the answer); you don’t need to move to a different city or get an entirely new group of friends.

Sometimes, the shift we need is an internal one.

Open your mind and allow yourself to see other possibilities right here and now where you are.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need to change something drastically in your life to begin moving forward again.

Because sometimes you don’t need to quit. Sometimes, you just need to start over.