Sick to My Soul

Are people worth it?

It’s morning. And after a night of tossing and turning, I feel like going back to bed. But I won’t, because I think writing here will provide some badly needed balm for my psyche, which is sinking into the muck even as I write this.

Recently I wrote a story about the assholes among us and whether or not they’re “winning.” I’ve linked to it, below.

As hard as it is for me to admit this, I believe they are. The assholes are systematically trouncing us into the dirt. Even scarier, they have a shit-ton of support.

Let me give you an example: In the story, I talked about the fact that my husband and I live on a corner lot that abuts a very busy side street. “Busy” in that people seem to think it’s permissible to drive 80mph in a 30mph zone.

In other words, they’re drag racing for want of something better to do. They’re not going anywhere, mind you. Not that I can tell. They’re just driving back and forth.

A few days ago, I created an account on a site called nextdoor.com. It’s a place where people can connect with others in their neighborhood for the purpose of buying and selling items, getting recommendations for tradesmen, and taking part in general discussions about crime in the area and the like.

I originally went on there to get suggestions for a fair, reliable lawn service, which I did. Then, I made the huge mistake of starting a discussion about the traffic on the aforementioned street. It was a perfectly respectful post, asking my “neighbors” if they, too, were bothered by the noise of constantly revving engines, and concerned that nothing is being done about it.

Some of the replies were respectful in turn. And then things got ugly. Neighbor turned against neighbor and the shit hit the fan.

Basically, a war broke out between those who were “for” the speedsters, and those “against.”

Here is a sampling of some of the comments, some of which had nothing to do with the issue at hand, but rather, personal attacks between people living on the same block. Old slights brought home to roost, so to speak. I’m deliberately leaving the typos in to give you an accurate picture of the mental caliber of some of these nimrods.

As you’ll probably surmise, the following came from those “neighbors” who were put off by the fact that some of us would like to sit outside and enjoy some relative peace and quiet.

“Dont you people have anything else better to.do but complain about stuff!!!!! And really you guys are taking pictures!!! Lol Just because a car is loud!!! This is whats wrong with society today. So people cant have a little fun in life!!!! Next time i will waive to you jj!!! Lol”

“You should talk handicap mentality. Posting video images of minors without the consent of parents. Doesn’t matter what you find trying to play wannabe cop. You talk out your ass. My point is the fact that I rather hear the sounds of horsepower and people using that as a hobby versus running the streets and gang banging. How does that say or mean I’m working the streets? Get off your high horse. You are the worse of all. You have been nothing but drama since 20+ years here”

“Why hide in ur house and take pics like a little girl”

“gonna say it like this i apologize if i was too loud for you. But like u said we came from different side of the tracks. And i hope we never cross paths. Stop the bs and return to your picture taking of the neighborhood. Have a great night chromosome!!!! Lol”

“You are such a hypocrite. 😂😂 talking about commandments when you just spoke out about others talking about religion. Stick to my point, the point is you posted a video image with a minor in it. You cannot use that without consent if under 18 years old. Not once did I say anything about the use of video surveillance being legal or not.”

That last one came from a woman who then turned around and personally attacked me! Someone with deep anger issues and a warped sense of “self.”

Now I can’t say how this morphed into a discussion about “noise” into a series of vicious barbs. But, friends, I am sickened.

As I reflect on this situation, I have to believe that some of this is fallout from the cretin in the White House. A mean, vicious, racist humanoid who has no feelings for anyone but himself.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this bad. That’s why I’m reaching out to you. Because for the first time, I am truly frightened about what lies ahead. And I need you to hold my hand and stroke my hair and tell me that it isn’t as bad as all that.

But it is. It is.

I no longer trust the people that my husband and I live amongst. In fact, I’m looking into having a security system installed, something I never gave serious thought to in all the years we’ve lived here.

As someone who’s normally pretty ballsy, the fact that I lay awake at night, hyper-vigilant, and attuned to every sound from outside and inside the house…deeply disturbs me.

I understand that foundations “shift” and all that but how do I know what I’m hearing? Is that someone outside our window? What is that scratching at the door?

Or am I imagining all of it?

Fatigue, I am certain, is contributing to my current mindset. But what is that sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach? What is the point of anything when those around us can’t be trusted?

I am probably going to delete my account on that site as even as I write this, the comments are pinging back and forth like tennis balls.

And I will get that security system.

On CNN, we hear a lot from the anchors about how “we’re all in this together,” “together, forever, as one,” and tripe like that, backed by the appropriate musical accompaniment.

No. We’re not in this together. That’s a lie we’re being spoon-fed like a baby is fed pablum. And some of us are choking on it.

Stop the world. I want to get off.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

As always, thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, you might like the other stories, below.

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