How to Commit Career Suicide

Do it with impunity, or not at all.

I apologize for using the “F” word but sometimes…you just gotta.

In the past, I’ve been vocal about my general mistrust of employment recruiters, or Talent Acquisition Specialists, as some prefer to be called.

After dealing with so many through the years, I’ve come to believe that my initial notion of “Those who can do, those who can’t, recruit” is indeed true!

AKA, they suck. Trust me when I say I have the tire tracks to attest to this. I’ve been run over by these nimrods more times than I can count.

But, that’s it. I’m done. In fact, I’ve been done in. By myself.

I mentioned “career” in my headline. To be clear, I was an advertising and marketing writer for many years. At the end of my stint, I was an Associate Creative Director.

If I’d wanted to, I could have climbed the ladder a few rungs more, but I didn’t have the desire. When you have to write shit for shitty clients, eventually, you get the creative wind knocked out of you like a “fart” from a balloon.

This is my career. Writing on Medium and my beloved screenwriting. Ultimately, I aspire to become a “working screenwriter.”

But that said, I need to make a few bucks every now and then. Just like you. What I make here is negligible, at best. I keep at it though. One never knows, right?

And if I didn’t keep at it, I’d most likely lose my connections with some of my favorite peeps here. No can do. Don’t wanna. Not gonna.

If that were to happen, I’d have to hunt them down and it wouldn’t be pretty.

LinkedIn, or StinkedIn, as I refer to is, is an odd place populated with odd ducks. Emasculated ducks.

There’s way too much glad-handing, grandstanding and corporate ass-kissing for my liking. But, it’s a necessary evil if you want o trumpet your “brand.”

And I do that by reposting my Medium stories and other tidbits. But every now and then, I like to get on there and mix things up. Get my oh-so-clean hands, dirty.

Why the hell not? What are they going to do, arrest me? They have to find me first, and I’m fast.

Early last week, I received a private message on StinkedIn from a recruiter who told me that he’d checked out my goodies on the site and elsewhere and thought I was perfect for a remote content writer gig.

Fully remote, meaning I could work from home as opposed to having to schlep to downtown Chicago. Music to my ears as it’s a long trek from our home in the suburbs and I’m no longer up for commuting at the least, four hours a day.

I checked out the job specs and yeah…I knew I could slay the “opportunity” half-tanked, with my eyes closed.

Enthusiastically, I responded and told the dude that I would love to discuss the position and gave him my email address so that he could “reach out” there and set up a time for a phone interview. I set just the right slavish tone.

“Reaching out” is a thing these days, by the way. A recruiter thing. It’s so warm and fuzzy is it not? Like they’re going to shove their hand through the phone and stroke your cheek. “There, there, you unemployed schlub. You’ll get no help from me.”

He, in turn, also responded enthusiastically with a “thumbs up” emoji and an “AWESOME.” I should have known something was up, right then and there.

What do you think happened next? NOTHING. Not only did this jamoke not email me, but after I followed up in a message asking if he was still interested, he totally IGNORED me.

Now, I can only take so much idiocracy and douchebaggedness before I rebel. With unbridled glee.

I have a question for you folks before I move on: What the hell happened to “professionalism?” Or simply, being a human being? How long would it have taken for him to write…something? Anything?

Too long, apparently.

So yesterday, I hopped on StinkedIn and posted the following:

There’s something I’d like to say to a “very specific” type of employment recruiter, like the dweeb who recently PM’d me here regarding an “opportunity” that he thought I’d be perfect for. “I’d call you out because you deserve it, but I’m more of a human being than you’ll ever be.”

When I expressed my interest to this individual and he “enthusiastically” responded by saying he’d email me to set a time to discuss…that was the last I heard from him. Even after I followed up. He had neither the professionalism nor the class to get back to me. NADA. CRICKETS.

How long does it take to write “Sorry. Change of plans…or I got my walking papers…or I decided you suck?”

Listen, if you’re legit and you want a legit writer for a legit gig, hit me up. If not, go diddle yourself elsewhere. I don’t like having my time wasted. Cheers

I also posted the following, separately:

Recruiters, any thoughts?

Thus far, I’ve received 219 views with 19 of them from recruiters. Not one of these ball-less wonders commented. NOT. ONE.

I received one reply from an old friend, who understood exactly what I was talking about and injected her own ass-kick.

Obviously my post won’t win me any fans. Do I give a damn? You know me, or at least I think you do. So you can discern the answer to that one.

But, I’m disappointed. What happened to people? Where’s the fire? The righteous anger? What does it say that not one of the group of people I maligned had the stones to stick up for themselves or their profession?

See? Recruiters do suck.

So, my friends, if you’re out of work and handling it…if you don’t care if you ever get a real job again…if you’re ready to commit career suicide…head on over to StinkedIn and speak your mind. Tell the truth and nothing but.

Or, “like” and reply to my post. Either one ought to do it.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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