Press Play & Strut — II

Enforcing my new life slogan

During the last 36 months, life has shaken my foundations…

I want to advance and become the master of my happiness through my daily choices and attitude.

My plan was simple:

Go through summer 2018 by making it one of my best for a long time.

Release all the remaining shit in my system.

Establish a fictitious deadline to rebuild my well being.

I thought acting so, a magical door would open and let out all of my hell.

A month past this magical date nothing really changed apart from a drastic seasonal temperature change.

Seasonal changes normally do not affect me, but this year it was different.

It was like my fun time playing outside was completely stolen from me.

My me time was robbed in an instant of a second while I was still blinking from this past summer’s joy.

My time since September was mainly spent, AGAIN, on helping others.

In mid-September I had redefined my life’s wishes adding a positive note to it and naming my new life’s chapter as the Press Play & Strut era.

Press Play was symbolic and meant for me

Pick yourself up, move and go on, live your life!

Strut was symbolic too, meaning go and don’t be scared to show off your beauty and don’t be scared to be YOU

Strut your way through and flow without overthinking!

Hopping from one place to the other to escape my own reality and not wanting to face my pain. Trying to help everybody that needed help except myself.

My fictitious date was set-up just for that — to finish placing myself last, and for once thinking about me and my needs. I am still a strong positive girl who knows major good things are still waiting to surprise me during the upcoming years.

This time I want to take total care of me and be able to like myself and be ready to share my heart and my love with my future Viking.

I am preparing myself to relive a 50/50 relationship. I don’t want to be broken from my past 36 month’s pain. Don’t want to overburden this new special someone’s fresh energy and strut within a new relationship not equally.

Yes I would like to Press Play & Strut and move forward without crashing anyone on my path.

I will remain as is/was without any changes and that is why my focus is now on me. No one can help me for these changes.

Just for once I am trying to give myself a little extra fluff and love myself unconditionally!

I was never a diva or a high maintenance girl. I was never too nice either towards myself. Giving away all my love and heart to others and keeping the crumbs for myself.

I always was my worst competition (never with others). I decided to stop that auto-sabotage. Stop being so harsh with myself.

My father-in-law used to say don’t be so harsh on yourself, the rest of the world will do that job for you and they will be the first to push you down.

So my motivational motto since May, which I have reinforced within the past two months is really to get myself moving. To wake ME up!

This emotional stagnation state I am in for the past three years is NOT me. I have not cried as much for the last three years then my entire life.

Being in a stagnation state is like living in a parallel world not really wanting to fit in. Being alone for the first time of my life forced me to do a little soul searching and hence developing a more spiritual side of me.

Scary? Yes!

Scared? Not anymore!

Ironically, the past three years have prepared me both mentally and physically to go through the Covid-19 pandemic.

The slow paced baby steps transition during the past 36 months has changed me. I used to always want to do everything fast.

Still now, patience is not my best virtue. It will often kill my drive and interest.

When I decide to do something I am all in or all out. In between is a hard state for me. It makes my mind wander too much.

I have no need to control or plan everything in my personal life. I was never a big planner anyway. I never really sat down to define my personal or career goals. I went with the flow and had a general path of dreams and goals in my head but I always stayed open to surprise opportunities. Closing doors and opening new ones as I strutted ahead. Again, this high rate of resilience is very useful during our present Covid-19 pandemic.

Since the past three years, this has been completely impossible for me. My brain has completely turned off the dreams/projects. Completely empty. Like doing so, it gave me time to expand other of my personal creative and artistic traits I had always dreamed about but never pushed or explored.

I know I want my life to be full of surprises. I still do not want to plan my future. I just want to move on in my era and bring on myself buckets of love.

Francine Fallara 2020

Michele Thill, I discovered your ‘Moving Forward’ and it inspired me to finish my pending Press Play & Strut series.

If you stumbled on II missing I….

Continued in Press Play & Strut — III and IV