The 12 Months in Sports from Worst to First

We’ve reached the doldrums of summer — but that doesn’t necessarily mean the worst month of sports is upon us.

Today is one of the worst sports days of the entire year. There are no games on the MLB slate the day after the All-Star Game. Wimbledon and all of the international soccer tournaments are done, and NFL season is still too far away. In fact, the only three-day stretch of the entire year guaranteed to be free of real Big 4 sports action is going down right now. It’s rough out there.

Of course, if you’ve been hate-watching the Home Run Derby or talking yourself into NBA Summer League “action” this week, you already know this.

But it turns out that July isn’t quite the bleakest spot on the sports calendar. No, seriously.

12. August

July is rough, but August is even worse. It’s an incredibly boring stretch of hot, muddy baseball that ends up meaningless for all but a couple of teams. Yes, we get the Summer Olympics (which are awesome), but they only come around once every four years.

Most of the time, we spend August watching horrible NFL preseason games and doing about 15 too many mock fantasy football drafts.

11. July

July is actually not quite as bad when you remember that it’s the middle of summer, and we’re all too busy traveling for sports anyway. The month is all about appointment viewing. There are the aforementioned MLB All-Star festivities, Wimbledon, the British Open — and a hot dog eating contest. And there’s NBA and NHL free agency and the soccer transfer window.

You can catch various soccer finals (from World Cups or Euros) or the Tour de France. You might even talk yourself into the ESPYs. Again, July is bad. But it’s not the worst.

10. February

February is always one of the worst parts of the year, sports or not. Spring is still too far away, winter is dragging on, and Valentine’s Day is the most vile holiday on the calendar.

Sure, we get the Super Bowl and the Super Bowl of racing, the Daytona 500, and the NBA and NHL All-Star Weekends, but it’s the middle of nowhere in the NBA, NHL, and soccer seasons. The NBA trade deadline is almost always a dud, and don’t bring your Winter Olympics argument up in here. The Summer Olympics are the real Olympic Games. Winter Olympics are a novelty. We tune in out of boredom, misplaced jingoism, and sheer morbid curiosity.

9. November

November is surprisingly bad considering it’s the one month of the year that features all four major U.S. sports. Baseball barely sneaks in if the World Series runs long, but it’s typically a dull month of the calendar for all of the other sports — and most certainly the worst month of the NFL season.

Thanksgiving games, for all the nostalgia, usually stink, especially with Dallas and Detroit such laughingstocks. It’s way too early to care about NBA or NHL. College football is sputtering to a finish and college basketball is only just heating up.

What, you’re gonna talk yourself into the MLS playoffs?

8. September

After the bottom four months, the remaining eight are pretty awesome, so don’t be alarmed if this seems pretty low for the start of FOOTBALL SEASON IN AMERICA.

September is all about football being back, both in the pros and college. All the best college non-conference games are here, and every NFL team still has hope. And there’s nothing quite like fantasy football draft day!

We’ve also got domestic soccer kickoff, the U.S. Open (tennis), the Ryder Cup (severely underrated), and an obligatory mention of the WNBA playoffs.

7. January

January is another heavy football month, marked especially by three amazing NFL playoff weekends. Add in all the great January 1 bowl games and now the College Football Playoffs, and it’s a stellar time of year. (No, I will not listen to your argument that both last year’s and this year’s semifinals were actually on December 31st.)

Still, January is front-loaded. After those first few college football days, there’s very little holding us over between weekend NFL feasts. It’s a rough stretch of the season for fans of the NBA, NHL, and soccer, too. (No one cares about your Australian Open or X-Games.)

Still, those seven or eight glorious football days are amazing. And that, as Robert Frost would say, makes all the difference.

6. April

Now we are heating up — both figuratively and literally, with spring coming.

April is loaded. We start with the NCAA Final Four(s) and MLB Opening Day, then move to the end of the NBA and NHL seasons their respective playoffs. Plus, there’s the NFL Draft and some pretty key soccer games. And the Masters!

And while all that sounds pretty good — something for everyone! — many of those events are rather overrated. The Final Four regularly disappoints, and your bracket is already shot. The end of the NBA and NHL regular seasons have little at stake and the first round is lopsided. Even the NFL Draft fizzles out after about 45 interesting picks.

Oh sure, we’re nitpicking now, but there’s a lot left to sort through still.

5. March

March is a veritable holiday for basketball and gambling fans.

Yes, it’s all about March Madness. There’s the entire underrated week of conference championships leading things off, then two straight weeks of amazing, albeit often terrible, college hoops. Just about everyone in the country fills out a bracket, and somehow Janice in accounting always wins.

Unfortunately, there’s almost nothing else in sports that matters in March. Basketball and hockey is slowly grinding toward playoffs, MLB spring training and MLS kickoff are buzz only, and even your bracket is useless after a couple days.

March is very good — but it gets better.

4. June

June is awesome, as long as you’re not an NFL-or-bust fan.

The NBA Finals and Stanley Cup Final don’t always deliver, but each is absolutely awesome when it does. The College World Series always captivates. U.S. Open (golf) is a Father’s Day highlight, the Belmont is interesting every few years, and even the Summer X-Games are sweet.

Even better, we got a World Cup (men’s or women’s) or Euros three out of every four Junes and that usually means daytime soccer with everything else in the evenings.

And if your teams suck, June can be about hope with drafts for basketball, baseball, and hockey. The month has everything — except football.

3. May

May is the single surest bet in sports months.

No matter what, the NBA and NHL playoffs always deliver in those middle rounds. Each day there are a few games being played; seven or more hours of glorious sports competition.

Baseball is just getting going, too, and there are always a couple teams with a ton of early buzz. Each of all of the domestic soccer leagues end with final championship games around the world and in Champion’s League.

The Kentucky Derby is always fun. The Indy 500 grabs our attention — who doesn’t love milk? Even boxing — what’s that?! — tends to make an appearance around this time of year.

2. October

October has something for everyone.

We are in peak football season. The good teams are starting to separate themselves from the pack, the MVP and Heisman races heat up, and fantasy football trade season at its very best.

Plus its peak football season in soccer, too. The early contenders are starting to stand out — remember Leicester City? — and Champions League is getting good. And the NBA and NHL seasons kick off and are fun for a day or two before we forget about them for a few months.

But most importantly, October is literally synonymous with baseball. Especially when your team is involved, there’s nothing quite like October. The games drag late into the night then go again right away the next day, and there’s day baseball too. Baseball isn’t a lot of things in 2016, but it absolutely will be dramatic in October, and that’s what we want in sports.

1. December

December is already busy and great, so there’s barely even time to fit many sports in, but we manage to do it anyway.

It’s busy season in the soccer world, and Champions League group stage and knockout draw always provide drama. The NBA does Christmas right — we all tune in for an early day of fun and rivalries. College basketball is full of holiday tourneys and a fun non-conference slate. The MLS Cup is a thing.

And on top of all that, December brings us an entire month of football. Those final NFL weeks are always incredible, along with your fantasy football playoffs. College football gives us a slew of good conference championship games and then about two weeks straight of bowl games we never knew we cared so much about. And yes, fine, December even brings us the College Football Playoff semifinals now, too.

I guess it’s only appropriate that we save our best for last!

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