Pain or Suffering — Which Side Is Your Life Inclined Towards?
Understanding the difference between pain and suffering can help you free from life's misery.
A quote often associated with Buddha says, "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."
We are no Buddha. The majority don't aspire to be one. Moreover, the fast-paced lifestyle has created new problems. But this teaching remains true to date.
No doubt, pain causes suffering. But pain can happen without suffering, too.
My best friend died 4 months back due to COVID. I felt helpless while he was struggling in ICU. I relentlessly prayed for his health. The news of his death shocked me.
Pain and a gaping hole in my heart are still there. I still cry when grief overtakes me. I express my frustration and anger when I can not find my go-to person.
Pain erupts. But acceptance and expression make it easy to let go of my suffering.
I suffer when I resist the fact of his death. However, as soon as I enter the resistance, I become aware of it. It shifts me from suffering to pain and ultimately to acceptance. It is an ongoing journey.
Suffering is the resistance to emotional or physical pain. The friction between what is and what you want to be is a significant source of suffering.
Recognize That It Is Okay to Be Not Okay
We all have an automated response to 'how are you?' We answer the greeting within a fraction of a second — doing good, okay, or perhaps even the best.
Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., in his study, says that people are desperate to put the best face forward. This causes them to hide emotions.
Many times, you hide your emotions from yourself as well.
At times, you do not feel like going out. There may be dark times where you cry in the room's corner or sit blank or numb. Resisting the emotions leads to chaos inside.
Life is a roller coaster ride. Beating ourselves to feel the blues is harsh. You can not be happy all the time—many moments of conflict dawn.
Accepting the unacceptable within is the key to self-love and freedom.
Emotions Reveal Themselves in Layers After the Outside Situations Trigger Them
My emotional vomiting during my awakening came in bursts. Everybody I have guided has the same pattern.
There are infinite layers of a single emotion. It is a blessing. Nobody can experience 100% of any sentiment in a single moment or even a day. Otherwise, it can be excruciatingly painful.
They always come forward in spurts. It is easy to accept things that come in pieces and parts. The integral core is to be aware.
Without recognizing your patterns, you only live in denial.
It is easy to see the other as angry or frustrated. But difficult to see yourself being possessed with anger or fear. The intimate association with your emotions makes it difficult to recognize your shortcomings.
Many people are not aware of their short-tempered nature, expectations, or even fear. They feel that life is strangulating them in its clutches.
Unawareness of their own emotions leads them to the dark pit of the blame game. Emotional awareness has become paramount in mental wellbeing.
Minor episodes are easy to ignore. But they can help you be more acceptable. If you miss these tiny situations, a tsunami of your emotional outbursts is always waiting around the corner.
The more frequently outer situations provoke you, the more you need to be aware.
Stop explaining why people and circumstances have the upper hand in your reactions. Instead, be truthful that you are powerless against them. It is because you never learned yourself. You only mirrored the others.
Providing explanations for your reactions is fruitless. Take back the power of your response. It can only happen when you are aware and detached.
Awareness Helps You to Recognize These Triggered Reactions and Changes Your Response
Everybody has heard the famous cliche statement — You may not change the outside circumstances, but you can change how you respond to them.
But how to change your response?
Awareness makes that happen. It creates some distance between your reactions and you. It locates the hidden emotions and their associated pain.
Imagine a thorn has pricked you. It is painful. But instead of removing that thorn, you agonize and suffer in pain.
The removal of the thorn can be momentarily painful but gives relief in the long term. But you can remove the thorn only when you are aware of its location.
The feeling of prick and pain lets you know the position of the thorn. It hurts. It is painful. You don't want it inside, but it is there.
Hurt shows you the way. Hurt guides you to that thorn. Only by knowing you can pull the thorn out.
Similarly, the sadness, the expectations, the hurt, tears lead the way. They guide us to the greater depths where that deep-rooted thorn of suffering is present.
All of us want to be free of suffering, but nobody dares look inside that dark well of despair. Awareness helps you to recognize your underlying basis of reaction —
- Why you reacted in a particular way,
- What is the underlying emotion that is trying to come forth,
- Where you need to be attentive in the future,
- What triggered you.
Change can only happen when you know where change is possible.
Acceptance Takes You Beyond Happiness and Sadness — It Is the Realm of Pure Surrender
Awareness of your resistance leads to acceptance. Allow yourself to feel all the negative emotions. It can be sadness, frustration, angry, jealousy, attachment, possessive, etc.
Do not deny your feelings. Instead, be aware of your resistance.
It might not be easy. But the emotions are anyway there inside you. Accepting them makes it easier for them to be released.
I cry whenever I feel heavy because of my friend's death. I feel frustrated when I can not share my feelings with him. The more I accept and express my feelings, the freer I become.
It is okay to feel heavy. Recognize such emotions inside you. Only then does the light of awareness shine upon them.
Recognizing these emotions is mostly painful. Therefore, many turn a blind eye towards them. But your ignorance is not the solution. Instead, it creates significant problems.
Not accepting any emotions leads to suppression of those emotions. It creates a dormant volcano inside that can burst at any moment. It becomes apparent when you react furiously in a tiny situation.
Painful situations are guiding you where work needs to be done. Dense emotions are screaming to let them come in the open air. Life is teaching you to remove the blockage and be free from the suffering attached to it.
Pain Is a Friend; Acceptance Is the Path, and Liberation Is the By-Product
Acceptance frees you, whereas resistance prisons you. You can be free from suffering, even in pain. Pain and suffering are two different paradigms.
Let us take a moment and sit upright. Focus on breathing. In this now, the breath is going out and coming in. The body is seated. The present moment for you is just this—nothing else.
Is there any suffering in this present moment?
If the body is healthy, then most suffering arises from the mind. The expectations, desires, fear, and inhibitions are all in the mind. Your resistance leads to suppression and blocking your expression.
Acceptance breaks that pattern. Acceptance of the present moment, even if it is ugly, is the key to living a zestful life.
It is okay to be not okay. Accept the struggle, tears, sadness, and heaviness inside the heart. Accept the heartbreak. Accept the drowning expectations, the jealousy, and fierce possessiveness.
Yes, it is painful. But the removal of thorn (suffering) happens when you look it in its face. Don't run from it. Allow the pain to guide you. Accept its presence.
Allow your heart to express its pain. It is perfectly okay to be not okay. It is perfectly okay.
Takeaways
The path to true liberation starts from suffering. When intense pain affects the heart, you look for the origin of this pain that lies within.
It is awful to look at the source. It isn't easy to take its entire responsibility. But only by identifying the inner source can you be truly free from it.
Awareness helps in identification and detachment. Acceptance relieves every pressure from you. True surrender and light-hearted living happen as a by-product.
Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it. — Michael J. Fox
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