Oral Sexy-Time

Your thoughts on giving and receiving.

Fasten your pajama bottoms, guys because, to paraphrase the Godfather of Soul, we’re gonna “get down with the get down.”

As my brain cells deplete with each passing day, my thoughts have become increasingly erratic. Perhaps even inappropriate.

Case in point: For a while now, I’ve contemplated writing a story about vaginas, and how I don’t find them to be particularly appealing. Sorry, ladies. It’s an aesthetic thing. Like preferring incandescent lightbulbs over halogen. Or better yet, pink lightbulbs.

I’m not hung up on my vagina by any means. That said, I’m not likely to examine myself with a hand mirror anytime soon. I know what I got down there. It’s served me well for over sixty years but I’m not going to wax rhapsodic about my “honey pot.”

No, I won’t be memorializing my vagina, my snatch, my patch, my bearded clam, my trim, or any of the other charming euphemisms for the lippy chick between my legs. She knows how I feel about her.

Thinking about vaginas nudged my brain in the direction of oral sex. Now don’t cover your eyes. We can get clinical if you prefer and reference cunnilingus and fellatio, but damn, why bother? It’s a pain in the ass typing those words multiple times in a story.

“Giving/getting head?” Nah.

Let’s just refer to oral sex as “going down.” Of course, that doesn’t cover the receiving end. Hmmm. What do you think? How about simply, “getting some?”

Yeah. That’ll work.

My introduction to oral sex came rather late. I was in my early twenties before I experienced, first-hand, how mind-blowing it can be.

I was dating one of my stable of “bad boys,” and one night, he turned his attention to my inner thighs and then, went for the gold.

Both startled and turned on, I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to do that…there.

But I’m happy to say that I’m a quick learner and in no time at all, was not only getting some but going down, as well. I was in it to win it.

Still though, through the years I’ve wondered what people really think about going down on a vagina. What do they like about it, specifically? The taste? The smell? The errant hairs or even…the stubble? Kind of how I think a five-o’clock shadow on a man is sexy?

I could never do it. If I were locked up in a women’s prison and was forced to be someone’s “bitch,” or take a shank, I think I’d go for the latter.

That sounds a bit extreme. Let’s just say that vaginas aren’t my jam.

When I created a phony profile on Ashley Madison to gather research for a screenplay, I was struck by how many men teasingly referenced oral sex in their phony monikers:

“Love2LickYa.” “Tempting Taste.” And the like. In their message come-ons, I’d say ninety percent of those dudes bloviated about what they would do to me, down below. It was an eye-opener. And that’s all that opened. Truly.

My guess is that part of the gratification of oral sex is in the power wielded by the person going down. I’ve experienced that power. What a rush to know you made someone’s legs shake like a sapling in a thunderstorm. Yowzer!

There’s no real mystery in the delights of being on the receiving end. It feels freakin’ incredible and the release after, emotional as well as physical…well, there’s something almost mystical about it.

WTF. It feels great. Enough said.

Because we’ve all had enough of writing about the pandemic, I thought I’d initiate a conversation among my fellow Medium writers about oral sex.

As I know that all manner of stories related to sex are popular here, I figured, “Why not go for it?”

You can address any or all of the following. Keep in mind, they’re just thought-starters to get those redolent juices flowing.

What do you like about oral sex? You can be as graphic as you like.

Do you remember your first time? Were you scared, embarrassed…awkward…what?

Are you equally fond of giving and receiving?

What are your favorite euphemisms for genitals/oral sex? Which do you abhor?

On a scale of one to fifty, how would you rate oral as opposed to getting it on?

Do you like how a penis looks? A vagina? What do you find appealing and/or beautiful about them?

Now I don’t want to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable but I really feel the need to prompt some of my peeps, here.

If you’d prefer not to jump into the oral fray, I get it. No harm done.

The rest of you? Go nuts. Write your own stories. I’d love to publish them right here in Rogues’ Gallery. Share your own recollections. If you’re not already added as a writer, I’ll add you. And if any of you feel like wanking off while perusing this piece, knock yourselves out. I’d be flattered.

Thanks for reading, guys. Now I’m lookin’ at you P.G. Barnett, Kristi Keller, Don Feazelle, Rasheed Hooda, Helen Cassidy Page, Prickly Pam, Gurpreet Dhariwal, Stephen Sovie, Estacious(Charles White), Hawkeye Pete Egan B., James Knight, James Garside, Charlene Fate, Dawn Bevier, Katy Velvet, Susan Brearley, Robin Klammer, Elle Fredine, Bebe Nicholson, Kira Dawn, Kevin Buddaeus, Caroline de Braganza, Suzanne V. Tanner, Louise Sawyer 2.0, PlainTalkBadManners, and anyone else who’s feeling particularly twisted, today.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

I appreciate your reading. If you enjoyed this, please check out the other stories below.

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