One Simple Step I Took That Helped Me Face My Fears

And it can help you, too

Elevators, Doctors, and Airplanes — oh my!

My lifelong fears sounded like a sound bite from The Wizard of Oz.

For the majority of my life, I avoided every situation I perceived not to have any control over. Subsequently, I made sure to have an exit strategy in place every time I left my house.

Life was living me; I was not living it.

I allowed anxiety to be my master, and I was a prisoner in my own mind.

I did not realize it at the time, but the reality was that I had no control over anything in my life: illnesses, accidents, natural disasters, job losses, deaths, etc.

None of those things cared one bit about what I wanted or didn’t want — they’ll happen regardless of my desires.

Every day poses risks whether I like it or not. There is no escape.

I was the undisputed champion at lying to myself, choosing to hide behind a facade of safety that wasn’t real.

Even though I’ve read enough books to learn the valuable wisdom of what you resist will persist, I could never conjure up the courage to face these fears.

As I approached my forties, I swallowed a tough pill and realized I was a passenger in my own life. Frankly, I wasn’t living at all.

I came across a CNBC article that was the impetus for a life-changing decision.

The article had a quote from Jeff Bezos that sucker-punched me in the gut and stuck in my mind like a brain ninja.

His quote pushed me to embrace the necessary changes I needed to make.

When you think about the things that you will regret when you’re 80, they’re almost always the things that you did not do. They’re acts of omission. Very rarely are you going to regret something that you did that failed and didn’t work or whatever. — Jeff Bezos

Who wants to be 80 years old and full of regret?

Not me, but it’s exactly how I was living my “safe” life.

How was I going to find the courage to face my fears, unlock my full potential, and live the life I wanted?

When I was in my mid-twenties, I sought a therapist to help me overcome my fear of flying. I quickly learned that anxiety disorder treatment was not her specialty, but I remained a client because she was a relationship expert, and I was making progress in other areas of my life.

It wasn’t until I started seeing her that I learned how dysfunctional my family and close relationships were. She was pivotal in helping salvage my relationship with my wife, and I’m forever grateful to her for that.

I stopped seeing her when I moved in 2019. By that time, I had accepted a job where occasional flying was going to be a requirement; however, even after all of those years in therapy with her, I was not even remotely close to being able to step onto an airplane.

After all, I couldn’t afford another airplane disaster.

The Jeff Bezos quote continued to linger in my mind, and my mission became being able to fly. I wanted to fly to travel with my wife for personal leisure and to further my career.

I searched for a new therapist who specialized in treating anxiety with the sole intention of helping me fly. I found a Psychology practice near my home and asked to work with the practice’s anxiety expert.

My fear was so intense at just the thought of being on a plane that this was not amateur hour; I needed the best of the best — the Tom Brady of anxiety counseling.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that mindfulness meditation was vital in developing the confidence to face my fear. In addition to mindfulness, my therapist challenged my thinking and gave me the blueprint to start facing this lifelong challenge.

“You can read all of the books you want and meditate 24 hours a day, but until you actually get on an airplane and do it, you’ll never get over it,” he bluntly said during one session. “What you resist will persist.”

I knew it was the truth, but it pissed me off.

How dare this guy say that to me like it’s just that easy to get on a plane!

As I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize that when something pisses me off, it’s usually true and something I need to pay more attention to.

“I understand that, but how am I supposed to just get on a plane when I’m terrified,” I questioned him.

His next statement was worth every penny I paid him.

“Start small. If flying is a 9 or 10 on your anxiety scale, what is a 3 or 4? Start with a 3 or 4. Once you expose yourself to lower levels of anxiety and see that everything is okay, you can work your way up,” he said.

It was so simple, yet such profound feedback. I never thought that I could work my way up to flying. I was so desperate and willing to try anything, so I started with elevators.

I know it sounds dumb and pathetic to be afraid of elevators, but claustrophobia is real. The what-if thoughts can be debilitating for someone who’s not an experienced meditator.

Meditation helped me live with awareness in order to pop out of negative thought loops and bring me back to the present moment. The mind will run if you let it.

Since I often stay in hotels for work, I had plenty of practice with elevators and started going up one floor at a time. I'd take the stairs if I didn’t want to go back down on the elevator.

I was patient with myself. I didn’t chastise myself if I took the stairs. Holding myself in kindness and without expectations of how it “should” be was a big key.

Sure enough, my therapist was right. After several successful hotel stays and countless elevator rides, I exposed myself enough to them and built up a mental record of good experiences that ultimately removed the claustrophobic what-if thoughts. Now, I ride elevators with ease.

By the time December 2021 rolled around, I had the option to fly or drive from Pittsburgh to Atlanta for a business meeting. I knew I wasn’t quite ready to fly, so I made the 11-hour drive.

The ride down went well, but the ride home was a mess. Due to rainy weather, construction, and accidents, it took me 14 hours to get home. I was frustrated and halfway home when I told myself I would never make that drive again.

I continued to practice meditation daily and continued my therapy sessions.

It took a full year, but in December 2022, I was required to travel to Atlanta again for business. Because of the work I had put in with both meditation and exposing myself to anxiety-producing situations, I successfully made the flight to Atlanta and back home.

As I got off the plane at both destinations, I remember thinking, that wasn’t bad at all.

It wouldn’t have happened without my therapist’s advice of teaching me to expose myself to low-level anxiety situations and feeling it.

Running from my emotions, which I did my entire life, was the worst thing that I could’ve done.

What you resist will persist.

If you’re happy, feel it.

If you’re sad, feel it.

If you’re angry, feel it.

If you’re anxious, feel it.

Leaning into the impermanence of everything is the key to limiting suffering. This, too, will pass.

If you want to do something but are too afraid, it’s okay. Those feelings are normal.

Start small and build up to it. Be kind and patient with yourself.

Think about your 80-year-old self and what things in your life you don’t want to miss out on. It’s never too late to start.

You never know; it could take you up to 30,000 feet.

Check out this incredible, inspiring story by Liberty Forrest, Author of facing fear and the control they can have over us if we allow them.