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One Must Imagine Sisyphus Funny

Excerpts from the mythical Netflix stand-up special

We know he was a tyrannical iron-fisted king. We know he cheated Death. We know Zeus punished him to push that boulder up the hill for eternity. But did we know that Sisyphus filmed a Netflix comedy special? It was never released because of — an incident. “Too much hubris,” Netflix said. “Who knows what Zeus will make us push up a hill.” Portions of the special were leaked. Enjoy!

Audience laughing.

“— crazy boulders, right?

“Last week I was pushing the boulder up the hill. Pushing. Pushing. Pushing. The way ya’ do. And this couple walks by me. Good-looking young couple. And they’re walking up the hill, up the hiking path, and I’m like — get this, get this — I’m like, ‘Hey! Where’s your boulder?’ Get it? ‘Where’s your boooouuuuulllder!’

“I knew it wasn’t funny then, but if I held onto it I could tell it to you all, and it would be funny now.”

“They say I cheated Death, but do you know how easy it is to cheat Death when you’re playing Monopoly? Especially, when he says, ‘I’m not much of a math person. Can you be the banker?’ Zeus expects me to resist THAT temptation?”

“Another time, I get to the top of the hill and while I’m waiting for the boulder to head back down the hill— there’s always a delay, like when you’re waiting for your bowling ball to come back up. I look down on the plain, and I see a bunch of young people pushing boulders around! On flat land! What’s up with that? Fucking millennials.”

Sisyphus was well regarded for his crowd work. Here’s a bit of that.

Sisyphus: Hey, buddy, where you from? No, you in the green. Yeah, you.

Guy in Green: Oh — uh — New Jersey. Camden.

S: Really! Never been. They got good boulders there? Good mountains?

GiG: No.

S: Why you gotta be like that? Okay, next. How about you, lady? In the hip waders. Where you from?

Lady in Hip Waders: I’m from Maine. Ayuh.

S: Ooooooo, yeah. I know about Maine. Granite. Right? Granite boulders and stones? You ever push one of those boulders up a hill?

LiHW: No. No.

Sisyphus rolls his eyes. Big laugh.

S: Okay! Next. You! Kid in the second row with the margarita. Yeah. Help me out. Where you from?

Kid with Margarita: Colorado. Boulder, Colorado.

Audience breaks out in wild applause

“You see this is my point. This kid is making my point. My exact point. And my point is — my father’s name was Uranus, and that’s a burden.

“My father’s name was Uranus. I know. I know. Don’t think I haven’t heard it. ‘Is that your father, or is that your anus?’ Hilarious.

“But the thing is, what these — these — these KINGS of comedy didn’t know — what you probably don’t know is that, in Ancient Greek, Uranus doesn’t translate as YOUR ANUS. Not even close. No.

“Instead it translates as ‘Guy who fucks his mother, eats his own children, vomits them out, gets beaten by them in a fight, gets castrated by his oldest son, and is imprisoned in Tartarus.’

“And I gotta say: that is much, much — BETTER — much better than YOUR ANUS. So please spread that around.”

Sisyphus’ comedy career ended after an unfortunate incident during the Netflix filming.

Audience laughing.

Heckler: (shouting) Sisyphus! You suck!

Sisyphus: Whoa, buddy. Do I go to your workplace and tell you how to do your job?

H: Are you even the real Sisyphus? Sisyphus’ father wasn’t Uranus, it was King Aeolus of Thessaly!

S: I think I would know who my own father is.

H: Yeah! You would think! Is that even a real boulder? Looks like papier mâché to me!

S: Wait. What? Oh, no! It’s slipping!

[CRASH. RUMBLE. AUDIENCE SCREAMS. SMUSH.]

S: Is he okay? Is he — ? Squished? He’s squished? Dead?

Audience looks in silence. Sisyphus begins to appear horror-stricken, until —

S: Can you believe they say I’m bad with people?

Audience erupts in applause.

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Read more from Gary Chapin or check out MuddyUm.