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Abstract

says six feet!Reporter: What — ?Sisyphus: And where’s your f*&^ing mask? Why aren’t you wearing a mask??? Grunt — Argh! I’m pushing a boulder up a hill for eternity. And I am wearing a f*&^ing mask!Reporter: What? Yes! Sorry! Of course. There, a mask. Could I ask you — ?Sisyphus: Get that f*&^ing microphone out of my face! Grunt. Have you sterilized that?Reporter: Well —Sisyphus: And your nose! Motherf*&^er —Reporter: Well —Sisyphus: Your nose is sticking out over your mask! Grumble — Shove — RRRRR! F*&^ing morons! The nose goes in the mask!Reporter: Okay, okay. It’s in the mask! Can I ask you — hold on — my glasses are fogging up. I can’t read my notes.Cameraman (Off Screen): indistinguishable mumbleReporter: Mr. Sisyphus. My cameraman is having trouble keeping up. Could we stop for a minute —Sisyphus: Are you s*&^ting me? I cannot stop for a minute. What don’t you get about the eternal punishment of Zeus? Or the dynamics of momentum? Anyway, I’m almost at the top.Cameraman (Off Screen): CoughSisyphus: Your cameraman is

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coughing??? What else — did you bring blankets laced with smallpox? Bubonic rats with fleas? Botulism in dented cans of chili? Are you trying to get me sick? Do you think I can get a day off here? Go ahead! Call me an “essential worker.” I mother*&^ing dare you!Reporter: Yes — well — how does it feel, knowing —Sisyphus: Where is your civic pride, dude? I’m sad. Is there no sense of a social contract, anymore? Can people no longer do for each other? I wear the mask to keep you safe. You wear the mask to keep me safe. GRUNT — STRAIN — SWEAT! Goddammit. Feels like they put a speedbump there. Motherf*&^er! Growl! RAAARRRR!Reporter: Ah, you’ve stopped! Thanks.Sisyphus: No prob. Go stand down there, away from me. What was the question?Reporter: You haven’t been heard from since 1946, can you tell us — hey, that boulder is moving.Sisyphus: Yeah. I push it up. It rolls back down.Reporter: Oh my god! It’s coming right at —CRUNCH. Grind. MANGLE. Kill. Squish. FLATTEN.Sisyphus: Phew — ten seconds silence — Okay, time to go. That boulder is not going to push itself. See ya later, camera dude! Keep your mask on!End transcript</article></body>

Interview with a Titan

One Must Imagine Sisyphus Masked

Maintaining the social contract again and again and again

Drawing by Brigid Chapin (edited by Author)

Transcript from an interview with Sisyphus, March 2021

Reporter: — levels are okay? Check. Check.

Cameraman (Off Screen): indistinguishable murmur

Reporter: Here he comes. Okay — Five, four, three, — , — HELLO! We’re here in the underworld talking to the famously reclusive Sisyphus! You may recall that Sisyphus was sentenced by Zeus to roll an immense boulder up a hill for all eternity only to have it roll back to the bottom, again and again and again.

Sound of rock rolling up a hill

Sisyphus: Grunt — NNNNNNN — argghhh — Mother — f*&^ing — f*&^ing — goddamn —

Reporter: Mr. Sisyphus! Mr. Sisyphus! May we have a few words?

Sisyphus: What the? Grunt — Groan — What the motherf*&^ing f*&^? Who the f*&^ are you, and — ?

Reporter: Mr. Sisyphus —

Sisyphus: Back the f*&^ off! Six feet, buddy! The CDC says six feet!

Reporter: What — ?

Sisyphus: And where’s your f*&^ing mask? Why aren’t you wearing a mask??? Grunt — Argh! I’m pushing a boulder up a hill for eternity. And I am wearing a f*&^ing mask!

Reporter: What? Yes! Sorry! Of course. There, a mask. Could I ask you — ?

Sisyphus: Get that f*&^ing microphone out of my face! Grunt. Have you sterilized that?

Reporter: Well —

Sisyphus: And your nose! Motherf*&^er —

Reporter: Well —

Sisyphus: Your nose is sticking out over your mask! Grumble — Shove — RRRRR! F*&^ing morons! The nose goes in the mask!

Reporter: Okay, okay. It’s in the mask! Can I ask you — hold on — my glasses are fogging up. I can’t read my notes.

Cameraman (Off Screen): indistinguishable mumble

Reporter: Mr. Sisyphus. My cameraman is having trouble keeping up. Could we stop for a minute —

Sisyphus: Are you s*&^ting me? I cannot stop for a minute. What don’t you get about the eternal punishment of Zeus? Or the dynamics of momentum? Anyway, I’m almost at the top.

Cameraman (Off Screen): Cough

Sisyphus: Your cameraman is coughing??? What else — did you bring blankets laced with smallpox? Bubonic rats with fleas? Botulism in dented cans of chili? Are you trying to get me sick? Do you think I can get a day off here? Go ahead! Call me an “essential worker.” I mother*&^ing dare you!

Reporter: Yes — well — how does it feel, knowing —

Sisyphus: Where is your civic pride, dude? I’m sad. Is there no sense of a social contract, anymore? Can people no longer do for each other? I wear the mask to keep you safe. You wear the mask to keep me safe. GRUNT — STRAIN — SWEAT! Goddammit. Feels like they put a speedbump there. Motherf*&^er! Growl! RAAARRRR!

Reporter: Ah, you’ve stopped! Thanks.

Sisyphus: No prob. Go stand down there, away from me. What was the question?

Reporter: You haven’t been heard from since 1946, can you tell us — hey, that boulder is moving.

Sisyphus: Yeah. I push it up. It rolls back down.

Reporter: Oh my god! It’s coming right at —

CRUNCH. Grind. MANGLE. Kill. Squish. FLATTEN.

Sisyphus: Phew — ten seconds silence — Okay, time to go. That boulder is not going to push itself. See ya later, camera dude! Keep your mask on!

End transcript