500-WORD RANT #16

Oh No You Di’int

A rant about ranters and the subject of our rants.

Just when I thought THEY (and you know who THEY are) couldn’t insult me any more than they’ve already done, they sunk to an all-new low.

As someone with a publication called “The 500-Word Rant,” I think I know something about humor, mockery, and satire.

While I freely admit to being a member of the get-off-my-lawn-you-goddamn-kids demographic, I’ve tried to be respectful to my readers by adding a good helping of the three E’s of good writing: Entertain, Elicit laughter, and Educate.

I have complained about the arbitrary and absurd features of this writing platform that shall remain nameless, the endless stream of mind sewage that flows through our feed, and my frustration at living in writing Curgatory™.

But I have never simply engaged in a bunch of “wah-wah, I’m pissed off and so sick of this bullshit, give me some attention because I deserve it.”

Until today.

I looked up the tag “rant” and not one of my rants is listed in the archives.

Here are the subjects of my officially published, self-proclaimed rants over the last few months:

1. The three-pronged axis of spiritual malaise suffered not just by me, but the vast majority of online writers
2. Frustration over the popularity of personal confessionals that describe no evidence of personal growth.
3. A fictional dialogue mocking shitty writers.
4. A discussion of projection and all the narcissists, including Agent Orange, who are pulling this country apart.
5. A lesson in communication by Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., and my incredulity over how tags work on this site.
6. Complaining about shyster content marketers now complaining about not getting enough attention.
7. A critique of the bogus claim this site looks for “quality” writing.
8. Skewering content marketers who chose the same cover photo for their derivative articles on gratitude.
9. An introduction to the form and function of my ranting.
10. A look at product placement, and the descent of TV to the point where “I’m ready to fast forward through shows and focus on the commercials.”
11. An analysis of language and the function of ranting.
12. Mocking people who look to salesmen for life-altering wisdom on the subject of goals instead of scientists.
13. One rant to rule them all.
14. Satirizing the new paywall system.
15. My burning hatred for the term “content.”

What the fuck is going on here, with this virtual viper’s pit of ageism?

If anybody is qualified to rant, it’s the people in my demographic.

These articles discuss serious subjects and provide scientific backing (requirements for curation or the top publications), get plenty of fans highlighting and commenting, and are tagged as “Rants,” but not one of them showed up as a top 10 article tagged with Rant in the archives.

“Wah-wah, I’m pissed off and so sick of this bullshit.”

Okay, I said it.

Back to the next story.

Here’s to better writing, even if the curation bot is set permanently on “fuck you” mode.