TRANSGENDER
Noped Out so Anton Colored My Hair?
Reflecting on my transition journey this week
WEEK 59 CHECK-IN:
Trans Life Past: Take last week, and try again? Lol. But seriously, this week, is really going to be focussed on allowing my characters to take the fuck over. Which basically means, letting go of control! I thought I had. I was wrong. Lol. It’s a whole thing but I feel like T has helped me get to a place now where I CAN trully step the hell out of the way. We’ll see what happens.
- So, hello Anton! Yep, I legit forgot I even planned this (oops), but I’d already put it out into the universe and as always, the universe delivered. And it delivered Anton. He’s been around for a while as part of my NUSA universe and the twin brother of Anastasia.
- He’s turned up this week with determination and focus, but he’s flighty. As in, he turned up during the recording of this week’s Character Collective podcast (external link below), broke down some thoughts and said, “The question is…” and promptly left. That’s what he’s been doing all damn week! But when he IS there, man, the dude has some great ideas like… if editing takes up most of the energy, don’t do it. Again, hit up the podcast for more, lol. (Please note: I do not receive any monetary reward for your podcasting pleasures, lol).
- All in all, this week has been physically and mentally noped, but Anton is giving me the simplification I need.
Priorities: 1. Embrace the stupid
- All the stupid! Last night I outlined the rest of NUSA Mars and it’s so stupid. Like, an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth and the NUSA kids are playing Mars Ball. I mean, there is so much stupid but I can’t drop spoilers and in the NUSA omniverse, everything is a freakin’ spoiler at this point! Lol.
- An embrace the stupid overview: NUSA is about wolf, vampire, shifter, zombie, mummy, and oceanic KIDS that train to become astronauts (alphanauts) to help the human race expand into space. They train on the Moon, then Mars, then Callisto (a moon of Jupiter) before going on deep space missions. That’s without even getting into the uprisings of the unhumans or even the creation of our galaxy by Thadeus who’s ass is the model for the Grand Canyon. Pretty stupid. Embrace it all!
2. Embrace the voices
- Anton. I said voices, plural, but one came through strong. Weylan was a little more vocal but that’s to be expected with Anton pushing through, for reasons. And, naturally, so too was his ‘twin’, Anastasia.
- As I edit Sugar Twink, I’m taking a moment before each session to connect with Skylar and Tom from whose POV the book is written, and remind them that it’s THEIR story. I’m just editing it so that it makes sense but they need to make sure I have the story right, lol.
3. Embrace the momentum
- Did I do this? What the hell did I even mean by it? Anton?…
- Anton: “It means not stopping every three minutes. No, you didn’t embrace the momentum.”
- OUCH! Thanks judgey mcjudge judge. Lol.
Other Notes:
- Less than four more weeks at this current sit now. I love these dogs, like I love all dogs, but like a child, I’ll be happy to give them back! I’m so looking forward to not having to take an antihistamine every day, that’s for sure.
- Mental health is edging and not in a good way, but luckily, it’s still got a strong grasp against the push and pull and I thank T for that. Without T, this sit would have broken me, I have no doubt about that.
T-Day and Beyond Daily Journal:
Day 408 (Sunday): Nope.
Day 409 (Monday): Also nope.
Day 410 (Tuesday): Harry Styles. I get it now!
I didn’t until I watched My Policeman and he intrigued me. So I watched a few youtube videos and docos and yeah, now, I TOTALLY get it.
In the words of the man himself:
“I mean, we’re all a little bit gay.”
Well said, sir. Well said. And OMG, those outfits! Oh yeah, I get it now. Initiate new crush! He’s the latest addition to my dark-twink-genderfuckery-crush pile with Robert Sheehan and Timothee Chalamet!
Day 411 (Wednesday): I’ve developed an eye twitch.
It is stess related? I’d be surprised if it’s not. That’s all. Because today is also… nope!
Day 412 (Thursday): Therapy = I don’t want anything because I got it. Wait, what?
In our session, GT reminded me of what I said at the start, a good 18 months ago now.
I want to earn enough money from writing to let me write full-time.
But I thought the road to do that was by getting books out and selling them — a self-feeding cycle. So there was a LOT of pressure around that. And I didn’t do a thing.
But, fuck me, I’ve done it! Let’s be crystal clear, my weekly expenses are less than $150AUD ($100 USD) including Testosterone and phentermine. But that’s another story! The point is, I achieved that goal. I’ve created 7 income streams (5 writing, 2 craft) and together, they cover my expenses. And no, Medium isn’t even in the top two but the few dollars a week I earn on here adds up — so THANK YOU FOR READING!!! And books? Well, they earn me the LEAST $$. Less than my crafts! Ouch…
So now, I can keep writing full-time, and without the pressure of those books making me money. NICE!
Day 413 (Friday): Anton — take me! Take me all the way!
I want to throw myself on Anton’s sword — and I wish that wasn’t as darkly foreshadowing as it is but I don’t plan on writing the books that explain why until 2024, so we’re good, haha.
I love his directness and his… awareness? Is that it? I don’t know, he just seems to know how to cut through the bullshit.
But wait… did he turn up AFTER I changed my hair from blue to red, or did I change my hair because he was already tapping on my brain? Yes, he has red hair. At least, for now. And so do I.
Day 414 (Saturday): Can I have three nope days in one week?
Yes. Yes, I can. So, NOPE!
This Week’s Articles:
And on to WEEK 60:
Trans Life Ahead: My aim this week is to not ccompletely nope out, but if I do, to be ok with that, haha. In fact, ME noping out might be good if it gets me out of the way of my characters who are really trying to get shit done! Also, maybe, take a moment for self to reflect a little more on my current T experience, right?!
Priorities: 1. Keep getting out of the way — Stop trying to ‘be’ anything and just chill! 2. Edit without attachment — stop trying to claim them as MY stories and getting all possessive. They are my characters’. 3. Make that cash — submit my blog posts
Dose: 3 Pumps/day (37.5mg)