Never Ban Porn for Adults
It was hell without it for two months, and I’m not an addict.
After work, exhausted. The exotic place where I was residing had banned porn.
God damn it.
I searched “porn” in four different languages, banned. I searched videos, photos and erotica, nothing. Not even girls in bikini were allowed.
I turned on my vibrator and attempted to mindfully masturbate — a technique that I advocate and wrote about it before.
It was not working, no orgasm.
This is an experimental piece exploring the importance of having porn, and the moral debates behind it.
Why porn matters
Like a fish without water. For two months, I was desperate for the freedom of porn.
Today’s D-day! I have returned to civili-sex-tion!
“Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants Nobody’s gonna tell me I can’t, nah” — Bruno Mars, the Lazy Song
Porn has a bad rep because it has been dominated by men that projected imbalanced, degrading, unrealistic ideas about sex and women.
From a sex education’s point of view, I agree that people who didn’t know better might think that certain types of acts are actually real. This in turn creates damages to others and self.
But porn matters, and I only know it from not having access to it at the tip of my fingers.
Like video games, books and music, porn serves the same purpose of transporting us from reality to an imaginative world. In this world kinky magic happens, people wash cars in bikinis, and Cardi B’s water overflows her castle’s floor (if you don’t know what I mean…).
Most people won’t want to be choked in real life, but hey, in porn we can.
So porn matters in terms of bringing us to a magical place where sexual fantasies are acted out for our imagination whilst we stimulate certain parts of our bodies in a safe manner. It’s that safe.
So porn is wonderful.
Why banning porn would be stupid
For the sake of certain religions, sex has become a taboo in many cultures (sadly even in India when early Hinduism has a very positive depiction of sex).
One of the ways for us to find sexual freedom, if sex before marriage is frowned upon, would be through the fantasy land of porn.
Banning porn is as bad as banning weed. People develop an obscure obsession with taboos, and once they manage to get some, they overuse it.
This happens with every desire — food, alcohol, money…
So banning porn is stupid. What we should do is to improve the quality and representation of sex in porns, so everyone masturbates happily, safely and healthily. Please also introduce diversity and more pragmatic sex education.
Can we masturbate mindfully WITH porn?
I wrote about the possibility of masturbating without porn or dirty thoughts before. It takes the same level of mindfulness to meditate when masturbating this way, and at times, especially when I have lost patience, this is not easy.
Sex is as mindful as it is dirty. Sometimes we are using masturbation as a self-care activity, but sometimes it’s just some naughty AF play.
Sex is so innate, so dynamic and so natural.
If we can improve porn further to remove the current bias on men, it can be a wonderful tool to cater for the dirty, naughty side of sex. It can truly be an adult wonderland, an 18+ theme park.
By not having porn for two months, I have come to realise the true power of porn in the world of sexual desires.
P.S. if this article can inspire more women to become porn directors, that would be great. Please contact me, I would love to learn more about this, and be involved (not as a porn star, maybe the playwright?). Email me: [email protected]
I write self-development articles, focusing on career and sex. Here are more sex-related articles from me: