How Does Sex Fit Into Our Intentional Living?

Stop missing this most natural healing property out of your visualisation

As a person practising intentional living, I love watching videos such as extreme minimalist Heal Your Living. The clean aesthetics and the earthiness of it, all very Thich Nhat Hanh.

But the thing is, I am not a Buddhist monk like Tay, I am just an ordinary woman in my 30s, i.e. my sexual peak.

When people talk about building their dream life, it often includes grand ideas like “living alternatively”, “become our own boss”, “spend more time with family and friends” and “healthy lifestyle”, but they seldom talk about sexual wellbeing in the big picture.

Have you considered your dissatisfaction in life might also originate from a sub-optimal sex life? As we open up the discussions on sex, it’s time to recognise how powerful it is to our wellbeing.

Our problems with sex

It’s easy to make dirty jokes in a conversation, but how many of us actually go home and enjoy fabulous sex?

With work, responsibilities and some of us now, homeschooling, I can confirm from my contacts that sex is not always on the top of our priority lists, Covid or not. For the singletons, things are even tougher as it becomes really hard to meet people because of the pandemic, and the feeling of loneliness and horniness are both acute.

There is a lot of noise on the internet about “keep calm and masturbate” or “wake up, have sex, repeat” to boost the morale of our libido during this tough time.

But the reality is, stress and sex are often mutually exclusive. When we are at a low point in our life (pandemic or not), losing our sex drive is a genuine symptom of mental health illnesses.

It’s clear that there are multiple problems with sex: people who don't have time for sex, people who can’t have sex with anyone, people who lost their libido in totality.

These may well be the reason we are not happy in life.

Why should sex be a priority for intentional living?

Whilst stress might make us less horny, sex is a big stress reliever. Sex raises our endorphins and other hormonal levels which calm us down.

That sounds like a catch-22, but that’s life. When we are ill, we reject things that are good for us and just want to succumb to a cocoon-shrouded slumber (quote Stephen King). Rest is important, of course, but energy is often regenerated through energetic activities.

In other words, get banging!

Not only for our health but when it comes to living intentionally, sex is often left out in the discussion.

To live intentionally means to consciously build a life that is holistic, sustainable, and good to ourselves, our family and friends, and the environment. It’s often seen as a way of life that counters the rat race and consumerism.

Many influencers/leading figures in the intentional living movement emphasise returning to nature. Some live in an eco-homestead, many move to the countryside. This is because nature heals and gives us fresh perspectives on our wants and needs.

Sex is probably the most innately natural practice. If we have nothing or no one, we can still satisfy our libido by masturbation with our hands. It’s a free, natural, instant, and easiest way to enhance our happiness and health.

So yes, when we are visualising our intentional life, it’s mad not to incorporate sex in the big picture. If you are stuck in an urban apartment, sex is the closest to nature thing you can do immediately.

How to visualise sex for an intentional living?

I have written extensively on how to incorporate more sex in our lives, so today I need to talk about how to make it intentional in your visualisation.

Visualisation is an important exercise for us to have a clear steer in building the life we want. The main questions to answer in a visualisation (not only for sex) are:

• What kind of environment do we live in?
• What motivates us to wake up in the morning?
• What makes us feel rested and energised?
• How does what we do impact the environment and people around us?
• How do we love and give more than receive?

We should answer all of the above questions form every perspective (from diet to career), but today, we need to focus on answering the above from a sex perspective.

Visualise our sex life

Let’s do it. With your eyes closed and body in a relaxing position, imagine how you feel after you have an orgasm. Do you feel peaceful? Satisfied? or do you feel confident? Name the emotions and feelings. It’s a good feeling indeed.

Now, think about how can we intentionally experience this more often and if we have a partner, how do we make them having this wonderful feeling?

Does it involve us making more efforts in creating a space that is arousing and enticing? Then visualise what kind of space create a secure and beautiful environment that stimulates. It can be romantic, kinky or however you like it.

Or would it be replacing a meditation section with a mindful masturbation section? Then visualise the feeling of being grounded through deeply connected to your root chakra and your sexuality.

Or maybe learning about techniques that make the spouse enjoy the sex more, rather than focusing only on personal pleasure? Then visualise the beautiful experience and sensation the interaction has created on them.

I imagine for many of you this is the first time you have approached sex this way. Sexuality is a brilliant healing property, but because of its raw energy and how different we become when we are engaging in sexual activities, we can misinterpret that as something to be shameful and even unclean.

That’s certainly how some religions and cultures have made sex look like.

It is quite a reductionist interpretation of sexual experience, and to reverse this cultural conditioning, we must look at sex as a healing agent, a beautiful thing to embrace and a conscious experience to be included in our intentional lifestyle.

Here are more articles about how we can make sex mindful, grounding and nourishing: