SPORTS, SOCIAL INJUSTICE
NBA Alumni Rick Barry Apologized For Calling Patrick Beverley A N*****
The N-word was “taken out of context”
A boomer apologized to the public for using a well-known racial slur? How shocking. If he keeps this up, he’ll get a multi-year podcast contract with Spotify.
The boomer known as Rick Barry came under fire after an old video of him resurfaced. Surprisingly, not the one where the broadcaster made fun of African-American NBA star Bill Russell for having a “watermelon grin.” It was a recent video where Barry criticizing Patrick Beverley’s 2019–2020 free throw rate. NBA’s least favorite icon had some strong choice of words when comparing Beverley’s 0.668 free throw rate to the league average 0.73 free throw rate.
“You come in all tough, all macho, all ‘Next-5-Years-Are-Mine’ bull-shit. You proudly claim to do whatever it takes to win. Even if it means injuring stars. like Russell Westbrook, Jamal Murray, or Chris Paul. So why on earth can’t you hit a stinking free-throw?
“Why won’t you shoot underhand? Is it because it makes you look weak and pathetic? I shot underhand, got a 0.893 career free throw rate, and won a championship. You said you want to win. Just shut up and do your job n*****.”
This video caught the eye of LeBron James, who temporarily left ignoring the Hong-Kong civil rights movement to champion equality in America. The face of the NBA started a petition on Change.org to cancel Rick Barry, which was titled “Ball Needs No Boomers”. This petition included over 42 million signatures in the span of 2 days. Many of the signatures came from Boston Celtics sports fans, who felt only they should be entitled to calling athletes n*****s.
Determined to keep his job, Barry sent a lengthy apology on his preferred social media, MySpace.
“It has come to my attention that my choice of words has sparked outrage. I am disgusted by my remarks and I truly apologize. In my anger, I have made some poor comments that do not reflect my intentions. I’m not a racist. I did not mean to offend people.
“I flew to DC to visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture over the weekend. I immersed myself in the history of slavery, learning the struggles and hardships these slaves went through. I have a newfound respect for the oppressed and admire their resolute commitment to a better life and future for their generations. The word n***** should no longer be used as an insult but should be used as a sign of respect and honor. We should honor the n***** for his/her resilience and determination while enduring a hellish lifestyle.
“Calling Patrick Beverley a n***** is incorrect, for Beverley is much worse than a n*****. A n***** will speak softly but carry a big stick. Based on Beverley’s dirty antics, trash-talking, and whining, I can understand if a n***** would be deeply offended by being compared to a low-quality human such as Beverley.”
Barry then listed an interesting social hierarchy from top to bottom, and where Beverley fits in.
- Brandon Trump
- White people
- N******
- Other ethnicities in America
- Other ethnicities in the rest of the world
- 50 feet of crap
- Playoff P
- 50 feet of crap
- Jeff Bezos
- Russell Westbrick
- 100 feet of crap
- Patrick Beverley
- 50 feet of crap
- Terrorist organizations (ISIS, Taliban, al-Qaeda)
- 50 feet of crap
- Osama bin Laden
- Stephen A. Smith
- Jussie Smollett
- Rafael Edward Cruz
After discovering his newfound “support” for minorities, Barry stated he planned to meet with Dan Synder and persuade him to change the Washington Commanders back to its original, racist name.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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