My Most Devastating Breakup Taught Me These Lessons

Never assume your partner is innocent until they are probed, charged, and acquainted.

The first time I had my heart broken, I felt my world crashing before my eyes, literally.

I thought we were making progress until he confessed that he was getting back with his ex.

I was devastated. I cried. Begged him not to leave me.

He said he loved me, but he loved her more. How I hated those words.

“Loved her more?”

Why didn’t he say so before I gave my world to him?

In my previous relationships, I was usually the one who ended things. I never knew how depressing breakups could be. It was as if the universe was paying me back in my own coin.

For months, I buried myself in my bedroom. I hated myself. Even as I tried to grasp the situation, I didn’t look in the mirror for days because I was afraid I might commit suicide.

When my friends finally convinced me to resume my work. I did. But things weren’t the same. Everyone I saw had my ex’s face. I saw his smile on others. When a customer speaks, I hear the words of my ex, “I love you, but I LOVE HER MORE!”

Those last four letters kept flashing in my head. He ‘loved her more’ was all I saw when someone moved their lips.

How could it be? Why didn’t I see this coming? What did I miss? I was losing my mind.

Until one day, in my frustration, I hit a customer who came complaining about a wrong order. I got suspended for two weeks.

I wasn’t surprised about the suspension. I have been slopping since I returned to work after the breakup. My friends thought being active would be a healthy distraction but they were wrong.

Being around people made me vicious. I was very aggressive and rude. I didn’t care who I was offending. I didn’t care that I was letting my life slip away.

How I Got Over My Depression after Breakup

I’m the worst person to be around when I’m broken. This was the first time someone openly rejected me. Knowing that I wasn’t good enough reduced my self-worth to the bottom.

Even though it’s been eight years since the incident happened, the memories are still vivid in my mind. I can’t forget the life changes that took place in my healing process. Whether they are good or bad, these lessons help me get out of breakup depression.

If they rejected you, then they are not worth your tears

My daughter is my biggest motivation to get through tough times. While I was wallowing in pain, I thought of her. I asked myself, what will I do if she was in my situation? Would I be okay if she killed herself or ended her career over a man?

It was like a bullet to my brain when the answer kicked in. “If You Will Waste Your Life, Then it Won’t Be For A Man.” I heard a tiny voice say in my head.

That night I cried loudly and then I promised myself no man will ever destroy me like that again. I closed my heart from that day forth. I cannot be selfish because I have a child that is looking up to me.

The best way to get over a breakup is to get under someone else

They say heartbreak can kill. According to experts, Broken Heart Syndrome is a condition caused by extreme emotion. It can kill like heart failure. More women than men suffer from broken heart syndrome.

After my first heartbreak, I can imagine myself dying from a broken heart. I didn’t want to experience such devastating pain ever again.

When my friends invited me to a club over the week, I agreed. I had no job or responsibility keeping me from going. My daughter was away at my mum’s and I was fired for not returning to work two weeks after my suspension.

At that moment, I needed to get back to my life and if sleeping with some stranger will do it as my friends suggested, I didn’t care.

Fortunately, the trick worked. Having sex did relieve my anger toward my ex. So I continued on that path. I continued having sex with random guys. With time, it became exciting not having any emotional burden from sex.

Even to this day, casual sex has been my go-to therapy for handling breakups.

I feel confident in myself knowing I’m not as worthless as I see myself.

This doesn’t mean that sex defines my worth. But the fact that I find myself beautiful and attractive to put myself out in front of people, and that I have the courage to know when to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a guy makes me happy.

Reinvent your mind by penning down the negative things about the person

Not only did writing down the bad memories help me forgive my ex, it helped me regain my self-worth. All the while I was in pain, I had kept memories of the good times. I treated him as a god without flaws.

As I began to write down the events where he disrespected me, and those times he lied to my face and covered them up with kisses and compliments, I almost busted into tears.

I realized that the truth about his betrayal was right there in my face all along, but I ignored them because I loved him more. I made excuses to defend him when my friends pointed out he wasn’t in love with me. I was his third rebound, so technically, I didn’t make much into his attitude and his flimsy excuses.

My self-worth grew as I stopped judging myself harshly. It wasn’t my fault that we broke up so there was no reason for me to beat myself up.

Also, the list helped me notice my strengths and I built on them. For example, I noticed that responding with silence when my ex was angry, improved my ability to be patient under pressure. I still use this strategy to know if my feelings for a guy are real or not.

Breakup is a blessing, not a curse

We always look at the negative side of a breakup that is why we break down. We get depressed and become self-destructive.

After experiencing my first emotional rejection, I learned that not everyone who comes into our life stays. Some come to teach us a lesson.

Some of my strengths came from that one breakup. I learned how to be emotionally detached from pain. When I’m hurting, I cling to the hope that this is a cross that will surely pass.

I became more optimistic that everything that doesn’t work out (in my romantic or professional relationships) wasn’t destined to bring me to a better place. And if they don’t stay, then someone better is out there for me.

Some people think I have no real feelings for the men I date, but that is not true. I’ve learned to keep my heart open so that those who are not destined to stay can walk away freely without hurting me on their way out. And that is what emotional discipline is all about.

When I think about my past relationships, none of them has shaped my life as much as this one breakup.

I see myself as an ambitious woman because I have managed to overcome emotional, physical, social, and financial barriers that were holding me back from achieving my purpose in life.

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