The Jealous Girlfriend Grew up
How do you know you are emotionally mature?
In my twenties, I was very immature. One time, after a breakup, I went vigilante on my ex. Every night I’ll mark out around his house.
I wanted to see the woman he had replaced me with. If she was better looking than me. I thought I needed to see what made her special and why I wasn’t good enough for him.
Then there was another time I broke my ex’s laptop and iPad because he cheated on me with some chic he met at my colleague’s birthday party.
I had stopped by when he was away to pick up the remaining stuff I had left. When I saw his gadgets lying by the corner, I took the closest object I could find: a crystal flower vase, and I smashed the laptop and iPad screens and keyboard, threw the vase in the bin, and left.
I’m not proud of some of the things I did in my twenties, but I still laugh when I remember them.
When you like someone, it’s easy to treat them nicely, especially when things are going great.
But if you really want to measure a person’s real character, observe how they treat you when things aren’t going well.
Most people tend to show their true colors after a breakup. They will badmouth you, disrespect you in front of your friends or coworkers, try to set you up, and even threaten you.
They will want to hurt you so badly because you broke up with them.
One of the toughest things about life is that you have to learn to walk away from the people that you love.
Sometimes you walk away from a relationship to protect your peace and that of your environment. But it doesn’t mean you should destroy the others person in the process.
Emotionally maturity means you are willing to accept the results of your actions and you are prepared to resolve the consequences of your actions without blaming anyone.
Signs of Immaturity in a Woman
How do you feel after a breakup?
Do you feel resentful and vindictive, or do you feel calm and forgiving when a relationship ends?
Whatever you feel at that moment is your true character.
Some people have developed emotional maturity over time. When you reach a point in your pain where you believe the best is yet to come, you will no longer feel resentful and angry when a relationship ends.
After several breakups and learning from my subsequent pettiness, I came to realize that I was causing myself additional stress by holding on to a breakup.
I have come to accept that I’m more than enough for the man I will spend the rest of my life with. So now, when a relationship goes south, I don’t bicker or try to force things that shouldn’t be.
I’ve learned to accept the reality that whatever isn’t meant to be, isn’t worth fighting for, and moving on is a gift to myself.
I feel at peace with my exes. Some of them I still have a good rapport with to date.
But when you feel you are not good enough, a breakup can turn you into a different kind of bitch. You will despise and resent yourself, your ex, and even the people in their lives.
Sometimes the pain you feel is a result of your insecurities. You think they owe you something — a forever kind of happiness. And when they don’t fulfill that need, you become angry.
When you arrive at a certain level of emotional maturity, you will be able to separate your feeling from the facts.
Your feelings will be hurt, but the fact is that everything happens for a reason. The end of a breakup doesn’t mean the end of your life.
You have to see the good side of your breakup and embrace the change so you can welcome something better even if you don’t see it at the moment.
If you can radically accept that the ending is happening for a reason and believe that something better is coming along your way, you won’t feel the need to go snooping through your ex’s life to find a reason for the breakup.
Emotional maturity comes with age and experience
There is a popular opinion that your twenties is the time to find yourself and discover who you are.
Knowing who you are begins with allowing yourself to accept what you know, feel what you feel, and want what you want.
One study says at twenty-nine, one is fully aware of who they are and can make life-changing decisions about their life, including marriage.
Another study suggests before you get married, wait till you are older than thirty. Because the older you get, the more mature you become.
The same research shows that if you get married after the age of 30, you have learned from the mistakes of others and can now live your life independently, away from the supervision of your relatives.
Couples who marry in their 20s have the potential to divorce within 6 to 7 years of marriage.
As you get older, you learn from your experiences, you get to know yourself better: what is good for you, how to set your limits and how to control your emotions, and what to compromise.
Parting words
Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there’s no one way you’re supposed to feel about it.
Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you’re feeling is normal.
However, as you become emotional maturity, you will be able to distinguish which emotions are good and bad to transition peacefully to something new.
You need to reframe your thoughts about your past to be emotionally aware of the confusion of a breakup.
It may take some time to get over and recognize. There will always be good days and bad days.
Take a time-out after a breakup. Do things that you find relaxing, like watching a movie, playing or listening to music, meditating, reading, or playing sports.
Give yourself the time to heal. Allow yourself time to cope with the changes that come with a breakup so you can be in a better place before you enter a new relationship.
You must realize that your emotions are bigger than the situation in front of you. With emotional maturity, you learn that what is in your head cannot be relied on.
You have to articulate your intentions and feelings using words — and you can’t honestly blame others for not understanding and misinterpreting what you say.
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