5 Subtle Signs You Are His Option and Not the Love of His Life

Does he love you, or is he settling for you?

“Does he love me?” is one question most women ask when they are in love with a guy. Because when you love someone, you want them to love you in return.

But too many times things don’t turn out the way we want them to. A woman might know a guy is ‘the one’ after two months into the relationship. But the guy may need more convincing to know if she’s the one for him.

The truth is it’s hard to tell whether a guy loves you or not. Some guys aren’t as romantic as women so they hardly show how much their partner means to them.

Then there are those who settle for a woman out of obligation or circumstances. A friend of mine never had a clue her nine-year-old marriage was a mirage until after her divorce.

Her husband was never abusive. He was loyal to her, cared for her, and was always one call away whenever she needed him. He had all the makings of a perfect husband but he said she just wasn’t the woman for him. Ouch!

He said he married her because he felt obligated to do so after they had dated for more than four years and he wanted to convince himself that love wasn’t all he needed to be happy in his marriage.

When you realize that your partner likes you, but might not be in love with you, is one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel like you’re not “good enough” for them.

If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, you will, of course, question what your partner’s feelings are.

A healthy relationship must possess open communication, plenty of trust, and a solid foundation, but these things take time to build.

So if you are stuck in a dilemma, and you want to know if your man loves you or he’s just settling for you, then sit tight because I’m about to reveal some secrets that will ease your burden.

He’s always distant

When you love someone, you want to be around them all the time. Although this can get uncomfortable, however, that discomfort can easily fade when you get used to having them around.

If your man makes excuses for not having time for you constantly, he doesn’t care about you or the relationship. He may say that he is busy and got tied up. But he will make time for you if he feels committed.

A man who loves you and wants to be with you- not just for convenience- will make excuses to meet you and show you around. He will sacrifice other aspects of his life to spend time with you.

He keeps you in the friend zone

When a guy wants nothing other than friendship from you, it can be confusing. He will be there when you need him. He will defend you from any attacks coming from friends or foes.

He might express he wants to date you, even get intimate with you but he won’t want to be in a passionate committed relationship when it comes down to it. This is very common if you are in a friends-with-benefit situation.

Women have been in friend zones for ages but we hardly see the clues that he isn’t for us. If the man you are dating makes excuses for not being with you and you feel he’s emotionally detached, this can be a clear indication that he likes you but he still has other options in the long term.

Emotional detachment is often misinterpreted as ‘men being men,’ but most often it’s also a sign the man is using you as an option until he finds someone better.

He doesn’t discuss future plans

This should be a dead giveaway if you’re someone looking for long-term commitments like kids or marriage.

I once asked a man I dated why he doesn’t want to be committed to his girlfriend whom he’s dated for eighteen years and he said she’s will become controlling. He said women change immediately they get married and start acting like their mothers- dictating what they do, who they talk to, and where they go.

I thought he was overexaggerating. But then I thought about it more and I realized he was indeed stating facts. We hear guys say stuff like “she had me by the balls” and we think they are just making jokes.

Men are afraid of losing their independence when they get married and that’s why most of them won’t commit to you.

When you start talking about the future, this man will become quiet, or gets angry. He may become distant and emotionally unavailable to you because he’s afraid of facing his own fears.

So if the man you are dating doesn’t discuss future plans with you or he says he doesn’t believe in love, marriage or commitment, believe him. Don’t fool yourself into thinking he will change with time, he won’t.

If he says he loves you but does not commit to you, that means he’s afraid of losing you and that’s why he doesn’t discuss the future. He knows you won’t want to hear his truth.

Future plans are an indication that the relationship is heading in the right direction. And if this man is not communicating long-term plans with you, that means you are not the one he will be spending his future with.

Because of what he’s benefiting from you and the relationship, he’s keeping you as an option until he meets the right woman.

He doesn’t miss you unless you are beside him

Ever wondered why your man never initiates communication unless you do? He doesn’t surprise you with a romantic text or call in the middle of the night because he can’t stand your absence.

Well, stop wondering. If he doesn’t express how he feels over texts, calls, or videos when you are not around, it’s because his mind is preoccupied with other things that don’t include you.

Aside from his job, a man in a committed relationship doesn’t feel whole when you are not next to him. He will call or text in the morning to know how your night was or in the day to know how your day is going or at night to know what you will be wearing to bed.

Some men are not good at talking but they will convey their thoughts in their actions. The woman he loves and is committed to won’t stand a chance because she will preoccupy his mind and thoughts if he misses her.

He will spend time fantasizing about how to spend more time with her and he’ll even anticipate spending his future with her.

If your man misses you, he will text or call just to hear your voice because he won’t be at ease if he doesn’t. But a man who keeps you as an option won’t bother. If will hardly notice your absence.

He’s not interested in knowing more about you

I don’t do commitment in my relationships. When I date a guy, I’m not interested in knowing about his life. His hobbies and interest might be discussed to keep the conversation going. But when it comes to details about his family and past, I don’t want to know.

So I’m not surprised the man who doesn’t have a long-term interest in you would do the same.

Some people are naturally curious. They want to know everything about you either to have more control over you or they are genuinely interested in you.

However, not showing interest in your partner’s life is a subtle sign to know emotionally unattached men. They don’t have plans of falling in love with you, so they avoid such intimate conversations that will make them vulnerable.

If he never makes an effort to know you- things you desperately want to share with him, he doesn’t give a damn whether you’re happy or not, he doesn’t share your burden or worries, it shows you are not a high priority in his life. He will avoid showing concern when you discuss important matters.

Such a man is merely keeping you as an option. When a man is in love with you, he makes it his business to know more about you. He will be determined to know what makes you tick so that he can make you happy and secure in the relationship.

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