Summary

The article humorously predicts changes to the Medium platform in 2021, including new metrics for reader engagement, algorithm adjustments, and whimsical features.

Abstract

In a playful take on the future of Medium, the article outlines a series of humorous predictions for the platform in 2021. It suggests that writers who boast about their earnings or give monetization advice will face financial repercussions, while new engagement metrics such as "Farts, Eyerolls, and Gasps" may be introduced alongside "Claps." The piece also imagines a world where readers are notified about more intimate reactions to articles, and where writers are held accountable for their content through immediate, tangible feedback, such as a slap for not reading an article before clapping or a profane gesture from the clap hand for posting offensive content. The author envisions a day when a random creator is chosen as "Curator for a Day," and new highlighting options like "Glitter Highlighting" and "Green with Envy Highlighting" are added for expressing different types of appreciation. Additionally, the article proposes a "Sarcasm Font" for comments, a payment system that favors poets, and a "Turds for Trolls" policy to deter negative behavior. The algorithm's true nature is humorously revealed, and the article concludes with well-wishes for the Medium community and a nod to the author's other works.

Opinions

The author satirizes the culture of writers flaunting their Medium earnings and those offering advice on how to make money on the platform.
There is a suggestion that the platform should incorporate more humorous and negative feedback mechanisms, such as "Farts" and "Gasps," to allow readers to express dislike.
The article implies that the current notification system could be more engaging or relevant to readers, proposing alerts for reactions like orgasms while reading erotica.
It pokes fun at the idea of an all-knowing algorithm and the mystique surrounding curation processes, revealing them as a person named Al Gorithm and corgis, respectively.
The author playfully advocates for a more interactive and responsive platform, with features that reflect real-time reader emotions and reactions.
There is a clear call for a more lighthearted and less monetarily driven approach to writing and engagement on Medium.
The piece criticizes trolls and negative behavior, suggesting a humorous but firm approach to maintaining a positive community atmosphere.

FUNNY

My Medium Predictions for 2021

How Will the Platform Change?

In 2021:

Anyone who posts about how much money they are making on Medium will have all of the money siphoned out of their bank account.

Anyone who posts advice about how you can make more money on Medium will have all of the money siphoned out of their bank account and transferred to your bank account.

Farts, Eyerolls and Gasps will be added to Claps as a metric. If you don’t like a post you will be able to give it up to 50 Farts, Gasps and/or Eyerolls. (This will have no impact on how much the writer gets paid but giving a post you really hate 50 farts will be fun.)

Medium will stop notifying you whenever someone you follow has highlighted something you have highlighted. Instead you’ll be notified whenever they have an orgasm while reading Medium erotica.

If you clap for a Medium post without actually reading it, a hand will come out of your screen and slap you.

If you post something that is racist, sexist, fat-shaming, homophobic or misogynistic, the little clap hand will give you the finger.

If you post a lie on Medium, the nose on your Medium Profile Portrait will grow.

Each day a random Medium creator will be elevated to the position of Curator for a Day and will be given the power to curate anything they want. (This won’t be a paying job, but curating all of your Medium pals will be fun.)

Glitter Highlighting will be introduced. If you like something, highlight it. If it makes you want to dance? Glitter highlight it.

Green with Envy Highlighting will be introduced for highlighting sentences you wish you’d written.

A special Sarcasm Font will be introduced for posting responses, so readers will know you’re being snarky instead of sincere.

Medium will change the algorithm so that nobody gets paid but poets.

There will be a new Turds for Trolls policy. The Algorithm knows where you live, troll. It will dispatch a Special Squad of Feces-Flinging Medium Monkeys to visit you and Curate your Manners.

The stock photographs available to accompany Medium posts will be limited to photos of squirrels, chickens and wombats. Except for #ferretFriday, when they will be limited to photos of ferrets.

And finally?

Ev Williams will admit that the algorithm is actually a dude named Al Gorithm and that Curators are actually corgis, as I disclosed in this humor piece:

Meet Al Gorithm, the Master of Medium

Your Fate as a Writer is in His Hands

medium.com

BEST WISHES FOR A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS 2021 TO ALL MY MEDIUM PALS.

Writing Coach and Medium Sherpa Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, has been in 15 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections, and is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves. Drop her a line at [email protected].

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story by Roz Warren, you might also enjoy:

FUNNY

My Medium Predictions for 2021

How Will the Platform Change?

Meet Al Gorithm, the Master of Medium

Your Fate as a Writer is in His Hands

So What’s Going to Happen When Medium Dies?

I’ll Tell You. Because I’ve Been There. Many Times.

Medium Sent Me a Free T Shirt!

I Didn’t Even Know That Was a Thing