Meet Al Gorithm, the Master of Medium
Your Fate as a Writer is in His Hands
In my relentless quest to understand the mysterious process by which Medium decides which stories to curate, I have finally found my way to Medium Curatorial Headquarters.
As I enter, a tall man in his mid-thirties wearing a Doctor Who T-shirt steps forward and shakes my hand.
“Pleased to meet you,” he says. “I’m Al Gorithm.”
“Al Gorithm? You’re a guy? I thought that Medium Curation was the product of an algorithm. You know, set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations, especially by a computer.”
“That’s an easy mistake to make,” he says with a smile. “But it’s just me. Al Gorithm. I run the whole show.”
“You decide the fate of millions of stories a day?” I ask. “All by yourself?”
“I’m a fast reader,” he says. “And, of course, I’ve got the curators to help me.
“I can’t help but notice that you’ve got a dozen dogs here in your office — and they’re all sitting at specially designed keyboards, banging away on the keys with their paws. They look like Corgis. Are they Corgis?
“No, they’re curators. You’ve heard of Medium curators, right? Here they are!”
“Curators are dogs?”
“Absolutely! They’re very good dogs. They’re deciding which stories to curate even now.”
“What criteria do they use?”
He shrugs. “I have no idea.”
“Well, that explains a lot. Do you pay them?”
“They’re paid in treats and belly rubs. It’s a great gig. Look at them! All their tails are wagging.”
“So this is the whole Medium operation? You and a dozen dogs?”
“Yup. And Amy. She comes in later.”
“What does Amy do?”
“She walks the curators. We pay her in claps, which can be traded in for grilled cheese sandwiches, Hamilton tickets and rides in the corporate jet.”
“I can’t believe this,” I say. “I had no idea. So how does it actually work?”
“An initial screening process eliminates most of the stories because of appalling grammatical errors and spelling blunders, and then passes the remaining posts along to the curators, who get rid of most of them for Confidential Canine Curatorial reasons. Then they wind up with me for the Final Steps.”
“The Final Steps?” I ask. “Is that where your experience and wisdom come in?”
“Not exactly. Take a look.”
He leads me over to a mammoth desk, upon which sits a small laptop. On its screen is the image of a flight of steps, with YES and NO written on alternating steps in large red letters. A tiny figure stands at the top of the stairs. As I watch, a squishy, basketball-sized object pops into his hands.
“That’s a new story,” Al explains. He leans forward and squints at the screen.
“This one is called How I Made $12 In My First Month at Medium and You Can Too.” He shrugs. “A lot of them are called that.”
“Watch carefully, ” he says. He presses a key and the little figure throws the story down the stairs. It lands on a YES step.
“Okay then!” exclaims Al. “In it goes. There’s some room on the home page. We’ll put it there.”
He presses a few keys, then steps back. “Now that you’ve seen the entire process from start to finish, what do you think?”
“I’m astonished. The story I write about this will cause a sensation when I post it on Medium. I can’t believe you’ve let me in on how this works. And that you’re actually going to let me write about it.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“My story will blow the lid off your whole operation. Ruin it! It will put you and a dozen dogs out of business. Once Medium readers find out about this, you’re toast.”
“Nonsense. They’ll all be so busy reading How I made $12 Dollars In My First Month On Medium that they probably won’t bother looking at it. And if they do? They’ll just think it’s a harmless little humor piece.”
Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)