My Favourite Parenting Books
These books may just change the way you parent
Parenting is simultaneously one of the most rewarding and most difficult responsibilities in the entire world. While having a community of people who support each other — friends, family, neighbours, whomever — makes a significant difference, education has also made me a better parent.
Since my son was diagnosed with ADHD three years ago, I’ve made it my mission to become an expert on divergent neurotypes. I’ve also updated a lot of my out-dated thinking on parenting, child development, and supporting neurodivergent kids.
I love reading and learning, so books have been invaluable resources for me, to help me grow as a person and as a parent. I hope by sharing my favourite parenting books with you, you may find both inspiration and community. Yes, community in books.
I felt quite alone when I began my journey, but as I began reading about the experiences of other parents to disabled and neurodivergent children, I found the beginnings of my community. This spurred me to go online and find like-minded parenting groups, and I eventually began connecting with fellow parents in person.
I’m still a hardcore introvert, but I’ve also realized that being around fellow neurodivergents and befriending other parents who share similar philosophies and experiences makes socializing is less draining.
In these friendships, my son and I are better understood and accepted. We can be ourselves, and are valued and liked for exactly who we are.
So without further ado, I share with you my favourite parenting books.
Currently reading
Peaceful Discipline, by Sarah R. Moore
My Favourite Parenting Books
These books may just change the way you parent
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviours, by Robyn Gobbel: This book should be on every parent’s bedside table, alongside Mona Delahooke’s Brain-Body Parenting. Gobbel helps parents understand why children struggle to manage big feelings and their associated challenging behaviours. The advice within is based firmly on neuroscience, but explained in a way that anyone can understand.
Your Child Is Not Broken, by Heidi Mavir: This book is honest, hilarious, and REAL. I loved this book. Heidi Mavir is funny AF. She writes with no B.S. and doesn’t hold back. Parents of Autistic and ND kids will relate so hard to her experiences and will feel less alone after reading this. You may cry, you will laugh, and you will learn.
I Will Die On This Hill, co-written by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards: This is the book the Autistic parent and “Autism mom” communities have been needing so badly. Jules Edwards writes from an intersectional lens as an Indigenous Autistic parent of Autistic children. Meghan Ashburn is an allistic parent to Autistic children who has learned (sometimes the hard way) to listen to Autistic adults and to use her privilege to lift up the voices of Autistics. This book is transformative. It’s honest, raw, and should be in the hands of every single parent of Autistic children, regardless of whether that parent is Autistic or allistic.
Brain-Body Parenting, by Dr. Mona Delahooke: I pre-ordered this book at the first opportunity. Having read Dr. Delahooke’s articles, as well as her previous book, Beyond Behaviours, I knew this one would be excellent. While Dr. Delahooke’s previous works have more often been written for fellow professionals and teachers, this one is written for parents. It is evidence-based, well-researched, compassionate, and written in a way that is enjoyable and accessible to anyone. I highly recommend this book for parents, teachers, and anyone who cares for children.
Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn: This book takes a highly compassionate, supportive, and loving approach to parenting and to ensuring our children feel loved no matter what. When some factions of society (including a lot of educators and administrators) are telling us that children need “ consequences” (i.e. adult-imposed punishment) for making mistakes, Alfie Kohn allows us to appreciate and remember that we all make mistakes and that this an integral part of learning. If we are afraid to err, then we are afraid to try.
Autism in Childhood, by Dr. Luke Beardon: This is an excellent starting point for parents, caregivers, educators, or anyone new to supporting and caring for Autistic children. While it’s aimed at parents who are new to Autism, there is lots of good information here, even for parents who are not-so-new too. I strongly recommend this book for teachers, school staff, and others who work with Autistic students and kids.
The Explosive Child, Dr. Ross Greene: The Explosive Child is a highly practical, step-by-step guide for using Dr. Green’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model to manage difficult behaviours at home and support parents and children to solve problems together rather than feeling like they are working against each other. I highly recommend this as one of the first parenting books anyone with an easily frustrated child should read.
The Gentle Parent, by L.R. Knost: This book is a lovely, easy-to-read conversation between the author and fellow parents. It is compassionate and contains practical, realistic advice for supporting our children through challenging behaviours and big emotions.
The Myth of the Spoiled Child, by Alfie Kohn: This is my favourite of Alfie Kohn’s books. It is scientific and objective, with just the right amount of smart-ass comments that make it enjoyable and easy to read. It’s based on a solid foundation of evidence, but written in an accessible way for parents, educators, and anyone who cares about kids to understand.
Alfie Kohn teaches us that discipline is part of the problem, not the solution . If we are afraid to make mistakes for fear of punishment, then we will be less likely to reach our full potential. to learn more about Alfie Kohn’s theories . If you only have room on your bookshelf (or in your brain) for two books, I would recommend Dr. Ross Greene and Alfie Kohn. Alfie Kohn also has a blog that is well worth following.
Punished by Rewards, also by Alfie Kohn: Alfie Kohn explains how both rewards and punishments are ways of manipulating behaviour that destroy the potential for real learning. Kohn advocates providing a caring atmosphere “ so kids can act on their natural desire to find out.” His website also has a on this topic based on an interview with Ron Brandt.
Parenting Without Power Struggles, Susan Stiffelman: Yes, this! Susan Stiffelman’s book focuses on seeing our children’s resistance, not as defiance, but as behaviour that is communicating something important. Stiffelman encourages adults not to take behaviour personally, but to understand why the behaviour makes sense, and what purpose it serves. When we seek to understand what the child is trying to achieve through their behaviour, rather than punishing their surface actions or engaging in power struggles, we become a team working together rather than working against each other trying to “ win” a battle. Visit Susan Stiffelman’s website to learn more.
This book also inspired an article I wrote, entitled Power Trips Lead to Power Struggles.
What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew , Dr. Saline: Another compassionately written book filled with practical advice that is easy to read for busy parents.
The Whole-Brain Child, Siegel & Bryson: This book is similar to the “Beyond Behaviours” book by Mona Delahooke. I recommend purchasing one or the other to begin with and then deciding if you wish to purchase the other. They are science-based and slightly heavier reads, but incredibly informative and important for understanding the underlying physiology and psychology of behaviour.
Raising Human Beings, Dr. Ross Greene: If you haven’t read any of Ross Greene’s books yet, I highly recommend beginning with The Explosive Child first. Many of his books follow a very similar approach and then each help adults apply his collaborative and proactive solutions model in different environments. Raising Human Beings is a more general parenting book, where as The Explosive Child is a highly practical, step-by-step guide for managing difficult behaviours at home.
Mindful Parenting for ADHD, Dr. Bertin: Written by a pediatrician and based on mindfulness concepts and techniques, this book aims to help parents and their children with ADHD to keep calm, flexible, and in control.
Your Defiant Child, Barkley & Benton: I recommend reading this book after reading Dr. Greene’s CPS model. Dr. Barkley is a leading and world-renowned expert on ADHD, however his approach is somewhat in conflict with Dr. Greene’s model and I recommend adapting a CPS model first and then using Barkley’s evidence-based information to help inform your parenting.
I purchased “Your Defiant Child” in paperback format, but at time of writing it is only available in hardcover, audiobook, or eBook formats. I don’t recommend spending $50, but well worth the read or listen at around $15-$25. While I do not agree with the use of the word “ defiant” because of its negative connotations (I actually wrote two different articles about it), Dr. Barkley’s work is always worth reading.
Raising a Secure Child by Hoffman, Cooper and Powell : This book is based on the Circle of Security philosophy, which is based on John Bowlby’s theory of attachment. Click here to read more about attachment theories. This book is primarily geared to parents of younger children, but attachment theory is relevant to people of all ages. After reading it, I actually wished they had “marketed” it to kids of all ages. I truly found it relevant to babies, toddlers, and elementary school aged children, all the way from newborn to 12 years.
The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson : Shortly after I wished the book above (Raising a Secure Child) had been geared toward a wider age range, I picked up The Power of Showing Up by Siegel & Bryson, and my wish was granted!
The Power of Showing Up does briefly mention the Circle of Security, but builds far beyond that and is applicable to all relationships in life, but particularly to the parent-child relationship and is geared toward parents and people of all ages. It would also be incredibly helpful for teachers and anyone who cares for children, to help understand why they may respond to their and others’ emotions the way they do.
A trigger warning: much of the early parts of the book (particularly the second chapter) encourage parents and readers to take a deep-dive into their own attachment history in order to better understand their own response to children’s needs. This can be a difficult journey for anyone who had a traumatic or difficult childhood, so one may wish to seek support prior to, or while going through, this process.
Parenting with Presence, Susan Stiffelman : The author of Parenting Without Power Struggles also wrote a book called Parenting With Presence. Susan also has a blog.
Grow Together, Dr. Josette Luvmour: This book focuses on the parent-child bond and meeting your child where they are. Dr. Luvmour reviews child development theories and encourages parents to set realistic expectations and boundaries for their children, with strengthening their relationship as the primary focus.
Effective Boundaries with Children, Dr. Josette Luvmour: A fantastic book that provides strategies for setting boundaries in a loving way based on children’s developmental stages. At the time of writing, it’s available as a FREE eBook with a Kindle Unlimited account through Amazon Canada.It’s a fantastic book that provides strategies for setting boundaries in a loving way based on children’s developmental stages. At the time of writing, it’s available as a FREE eBook with a Kindle Unlimited account through Amazon Canada.
The Self-Directed Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control, by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson — In a modern society where parents seem to micro-manage almost every aspect of their children’s lives, this book is a much-needed call for us to back off. The book provides compassionate and science-based arguments for teaching our children decision-making and self-management skills that will serve them now and in the future. A main theme is that children are stressed out by the lack of control they have over their own lives. Gradually giving children and youth more control, as well as the support and tools to manage that control, will provide them with important life skills as well as reduce their stress.
Declarative Language Handbook, by Linda K. Murphy: Using a thoughtful language style to help kids with social learning challenges feel competent, connected, and understood. This book would be beneficial for parents, educators, and anyone who supports or works with children. Actually, declarative language can be adapted to work with people of any age. It helps to reduce conflict and promotes social and interpersonal skills. This book is currently *FREE* as an eBook with a Kindle Unlimited membership (I have no affiliation).
The Little Book of Attachment, by Daniel Hughes and Ben Gurney-Smith. This book is geared toward therapists, but has a wealth of important information for parents and anyone who cares for children. The book covers topics such as emotional regulation, repairing relationships, and the importance of nonverbal and verbal conversations in facilitating secure attachment.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, by Dr. Laura Markham. This book was written 10 years ago, but about 90% of it has remained true, relevant, and applicable to modern parenting lives. This book is written for parents and is accessible, relatable, and easy to read.
Beyond Behaviours, by Mona Delahooke, PhD : Another amazing book for looking underneath surface behaviours in children and understanding the developmental physiology and biology that drives behaviour. The last three chapters of the book focus specifically on behaviours in neurodivergent children and students.
What parenting books do you recommend?
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
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