Satire|Illumination Writing Challenge

Medium’s New Full Furniture Giveaway!

Just when you thought getting a Medium T-Shirt was the pinnacle of excellence

Stand back Roz Warren and Jordan Fraser, your Medium T-shirts are now completely passé. Certainly, when Roz wrote about her free shirt, and when Jordan got envious they thought they were the select among the many.

Well, only a handful of the most elite and privileged know this so far, but Medium is essentially giving away furniture sets to its best writers!

Intrigued? So was I when I first read about this in a request received by Dr Mehmet Yildiz, founder of the ILLUMINATION Publication. Dr. Y chose to share this secret request with a handful of select editors on the publication, but I simply cannot keep quiet about this amazing program just recently started by Medium.

Now, of course, I won’t give away the originator of this request since it could get him in trouble (or is it “her” — ha! Thought you caught me there didn’t you?) So, when I share the pertinent pieces of the critical correspondence, I will omit any identifying information.

As it turns out, we are all incredibly lucky. For if it wasn’t for the fact that Medium does not allow folks from certain countries to receive funds in their partner program, we probably would have never found out about this exclusive perk.

But, as it happens, this unfortunate soul lives in one of those countries. The reason that he (okay, let’s just agree that he is actually a he) reached out to Dr Mehmet Yildiz was in fact out of desperation. It would seem that Medium had made promises of certain rewards for this person’s writing, but because of the unfortunate country “glitch”, the promises remained unfulfilled.

It seems that all Dr Mehmet Yildiz needed to do was act as his “exclusive agent”, and sole owner of a transfer account.

And, get this, it wasn’t just a full furniture set that was promised. Because of his exceptional writing, Medium had also offered this gentleman a 1. Full Computer Set, 2. Full TV Set, 3. Full Music System Set, and 4. Full Decorations & Garden!

We aren’t talking any half sets, mismatched sectionals, computers without a printer and external speakers (you know, a full set), or partial yard landscaping.

We are talking full sets here people.

Full sets.

Now, I know what you are now thinking. Could this possibly be too good to be true? Could there be the slimmest possibility that this might be a scam? Well, I appreciate your skepticism, but let me tell you how I know this is bona fide legit. Too legit, in fact, to possibly quit.

First off, this beleaguered writer didn’t engage just any Tom, Dick or Schmoe on Medium. He went directly to the leader of one of the fastest growing publications on the platform, and he demonstrated his insider knowledge in his greeting, “Hello Dr Mehemet Yildez, Founder and Editor”. That greeting right there tips you off immediately that this is on the up and up.

Writing to just anyone and everyone might make the approach suspect, but the fact that he did the deep research to find out Dr. Y’s status speaks volumes. Plus, he knew that Dr. Y carries some clout in the Medium universe.

Another reason why we can see that this is legit is that the writer didn’t ask for money from Dr. Y directly, but rather that he set up a transfer account where the doctor would have exclusive control to manage the account financially. Dr. Y just simply needs to put a little money in the account to establish it.

Also encouraging is the fact that the writer is willing to let Dr. Y decide how much to put in the account; he could choose either $2,000 or $2,500 US dollars. The writer has ceded all financial control by letting the doctor choose between these two very reasonable amounts.

Now here we have to extrapolate just a little. The writer does not specifically say that he would reveal the secret of how to get Medium to promise televisions, furniture and lawn ornaments, but the intention is certainly implied.

I wonder, will each piece of the full set have the Medium logo emblazoned in a conspicuous place?

Now there is one caveat to receiving the furniture and stereo equipment it would seem. The writer explains that this endowment of goods is in reflection of his writing over a 15-month period.

It seems that the computer, stereo equipment and furniture (full sets, mind you) is only available for writers that have been on the platform since at least May of 2019. So, all you newbies will have to simply bask in envious discontent until you have the tenure to get your full set of Music System.

So, clearly, the nitty-gritty details are yet forthcoming. We all have to wait until Dr Mehmet Yildiz sets up a transfer account as sole owner. (I am afraid that none of the rest of us are qualified to do so, but I have my $2,000 or $2,500 in US dollars ready just in case.)

Dr. Y has assured his select group of editors that we will be the first to get the information about how to secure our full sets of Garden and Computer as soon as he gets the info from the writer. It just takes a few days to set up a transfer account and use Western Union (Money Transfer World-wide) service.

But, again, this is reassuring as surely a scammer would not suggest such a reputable and secure service.

So, stand by dear reader. As soon as I am able to set up my Medium Full Computer Set, switch on my Medium Full TV Set, arrange my Medium Full Furniture, crank up the volume on my Medium Full Music System and admire my Medium Full Decorations & Garden, I will be the first one to let you in on how to get your own full sets!

Share the wealth I always say! I wonder if Dr Mehmet Yildiz needs me to loan him the $2,000 or $2,500 to get the ball rolling?

Money well spent.

If you like this, you might like some of my other recent writing, including my July daily roundup of writing challenges:

And a recent response to a prior challenge:

And this blast from the past:

Timothy Key spent over 26 years in the fire service as a firefighter/paramedic and various fire chief management roles. He firmly believes that bad managers destroy more than companies, and good managers create a passion that is contagious. Compassion, grace and gratitude drive the world; or at least they should. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and join the mail list.