Summary

Jordan Fraser humorously recounts his fictitious induction into an exclusive "Medium Partner Program+" after receiving a Medium t-shirt, satirizing the influence and prestige associated with such a program.

Abstract

In a satirical article, Jordan Fraser claims to have been invited to a prestigious Medium Partner Program+ after receiving a Medium t-shirt. He describes the perks of this elite status, including guaranteed royalties, editorial positions, curation powers, design influence, and the ability to select future members. Fraser humorously details his "trademarked writing process," which involves shower epiphanies, neighborhood strolls, ice cream consumption, and Oprah-inspired writing breaks. He also mockingly outlines his plans to change Medium's aesthetic and app functionality, and expresses his newfound power to influence the platform's content and its creators. The article concludes with Fraser revealing the entire scenario is a fabrication, emphasizing the satirical nature of his post and encouraging others to create their own Medium shirts for fun.

Opinions

Fraser mockingly suggests that his previous year of writing, which included praising Medium and criticizing others, has led to his perceived success.
He sarcastically expresses gratitude for the opportunity to join the "gods" and receive a free t-shirt, implying a tongue-in-cheek critique of the perceived value of such merchandise.
The author takes a playful jab at the concept of guaranteed royalties, suggesting that it will allow him to focus on quality over quantity, while also poking fun at the idea of "excellent literary excellence."
Fraser's description of his writing process is clearly exaggerated for comedic effect, highlighting his creative freedom as a supposed elite member of the Medium community.
He humorously claims to have the power to grant and retract curation for other writers, hinting at a satirical view of content moderation and the influence of platform insiders.
The article suggests that Fraser would make drastic, and perhaps nonsensical, changes to Medium's design and app, underscoring his fictional authority and poking fun at the platform's current state.
He facetiously laments the lack of passion in other Medium writers, contrasting their supposed apathy with his own enthusiasm for the platform, as demonstrated by his creation of a custom Medium t-shirt.
Fraser concludes by inviting others to join his "executive club" by making their own Medium shirts, a playful nod to the idea of exclusivity and community within the platform.

I Was Sent a Medium T-Shirt Too!

And with it was invited to join The Elite Medium Partner Program+

I can’t believe this has finally happened.

After a year of blood, sweat, and bad-mouthing The Startup, I, Jordan Fraser, like Roz Warren before me, have been invited to join the Medium Partner Program+ for excellent literary excellence on Medium.

All these long months of writing articles that praised Medium while taking a dump on everyone else has paid off.

When I think of all the people I stepped on, all the dreams I crushed, it was all worth it to get where I am now.

I have a free t-shirt, dammit. I’ve taken my rightful place among the gods.

So what does this mean?

Roz was a lot more modest in her post, so I’m going to give you the full details of what it means now that she and I have joined the executive level for excellent excellence.

Guaranteed Royalties.

Both Roz and I are guaranteed a royalty minimum of $500 per week, as long as each week we contribute at least one article. (This article satisfies my quota).

This is going to really take the pressure off the need to publish often, which will ensure that each article gets more attention and the time needed to be crafted perfectly.

Medium knows that its readers are expecting excellence, and now they can have it because I’ll have the time to properly carry out my writing process.

My trademarked writing process.

Have an idea come to me in the shower.
Stroll around the neighborhood, mulling it out loud for the benefit of the people on the street.
Eat a pint of ice cream while screaming at the gods for blessing me with this level of creativity.
Type up the article, stopping every five sentences for an inspiration-injecting viewing of an old Oprah episode. “Oprah made me great… no… I made myself great, with the power given to me by Oprah”.

So as you can see, the process is quite lengthy, and now I have the time to give it proper dedication.

An editor position at the Medium Publication of our choice

I occasionally write about whatever I’m cooking, so I think I’m going to take over Heated.

I especially want control of this particular publication because I want to change the slogan to ‘Medium x Jordan Fraser featuring Mark Bittman’, which will really knock that guy down a few pegs.

I don’t know for sure, but I think Roz plans on taking over Human Parts. I’m not sure if I heard correctly, but I think she mentioned to a friend at the Executive Welcome Brunch in New York that she plans on renaming it ‘Library books are not for the rubbing of your Human Parts.’

Curation Ability

In addition to guaranteed curation, Roz and I will now have the power to grant (and retract) curation for our fellow writers.

While I’d like to promise that I’ll remain unbiased, I’m certain that I won’t be able to go an hour without taking revenge on the writers that have pissed me off with stories in the past that have triggered me.

“Oh my god, yet another ‘wow look at me and my earnings’ post. Well, let’s see how much you earn now that I can strip every curation you’ve ever had off you mwahahahaHAHAHA BITCH!”

Final say over design choices.

This one is particularly exciting because there’s a lot of changes I’ve wanted to make to the aesthetic design of the website.

For one, I always envisioned Medium with exclusively green coloured text over pink background. I think it would really set the site apart from the others, and I’m willing to bet everyone’s royalties on it (except mine of course because they’re guaranteed).

I’d also like to delete the buggy mess they call an app, but before I do, I’d like to force its developers to try and write a story on it.

I’ll watch them squirm as the page scrolls violently at will, and curse as the cursor bounces aimlessly around the text.

Mark my words, they will know pain.

Choosing admittance to future members of the club

That’s right; it’s now Roz and me who are responsible for deciding who gets to join us in this club.

We’ve talked, and we’ve decided that Kristi Keller gets to join us after the impressive case she made in her post.

However, as for the rest of you, I’ve not seen any reason to admit anyone else.

Where’s your passion everyone on the site? Don’t you want what we have? Don’t you want to be special?

The privileges are great, and the power is intoxicating, but what we physically have is far better..

We have a Medium t-shirt, and now our lives are changed forever.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve not been invited to join an exclusive club and wasn’t even sent this shirt. After reading Kristi’s post, I paid to have a printing company make me this shirt.

Why?

Because the world has fundamentally changed, and this is how I have fun now.

If anyone else is feeling inspired, I encourage you to make your own Medium shirt.

Can you imagine something even better than what I designed? Post it to Medium and join the executive club… the imaginary power is guaranteed to go to your head.

I Was Sent a Medium T-Shirt Too!

And with it was invited to join The Elite Medium Partner Program+

Guaranteed Royalties.

An editor position at the Medium Publication of our choice

Curation Ability

Final say over design choices.

Choosing admittance to future members of the club

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