avatarPhilip Ogley

Summary

Medium is humorously portrayed as considering a name change, with a list of five satirical suggestions submitted by various user archetypes.

Abstract

In a fictional scenario, the popular writing platform Medium is depicted as undergoing a rebranding process. This includes a new name, slogan, and logo, with the selection process humorously involving input from a diverse range of its user base. The article presents five mock proposals, each reflecting the personality and writing style of different Medium user stereotypes, from a prolific but unoriginal writer to a self-help guru. The proposals range from the absurd to the self-deprecating, highlighting the platform's varied community. The article concludes by clarifying that the name change is not real, serving as a satirical piece to engage readers.

Opinions

  • The article pokes fun at the idea of Medium undergoing a significant rebranding, suggesting that the platform's identity is already well-established.
  • It satirizes common stereotypes of Medium contributors, such as the unoriginal content creator who copies others' work and the self-help guru who repackages the same advice.
  • The piece humorously emphasizes the diversity of Medium's community, from the nihilists to the vegans, and their varying levels of writing expertise and subject matter.
  • By presenting the name change as a community-driven process, the article playfully critiques the authenticity of corporate attempts to engage with their audience.
  • The satirical nature of the article is underscored by the inclusion of a fictional entry from a character reminiscent of Donald Trump, using his submission to mock his political rhetoric.
  • The article concludes with a tongue-in-cheek reminder that the content is fictional, poking fun at the readers who might have taken the satire seriously.

Medium News

Medium Is Changing Its Name

Here’s the short list!

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

As you must know by now MEDIUM is changing its name.

After more than ten years as the world’s leading writing platform, this venerable institution is having a make-over.

New name. New slogan. New logo

But instead of putting the challenge out to a load of coked-up marketing gurus, Medium decided to put the task out to the people who make it great.

YOU!!!

(and me)

Naturally, they couldn’t ask everyone. There are too many jerks out there who can’t even spell the names of their TOPICS correctly.

You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve seen MENTAL HEALTH spelt MENTAL HELLTH. SELF IMPROVEMENT spelt SELFIE IMPROVEMENT. And STARTUP spelt START-ME-UP.

So we can’t ask these people, clearly.

But we can ask the rest. From the Nihilists to the Christians. To the Psychos to the Vegans. We’ve asked them all. And after 2 million entries, we've whittled it down to the best five.

  1. Cat Ninja Jerk
(All Images/Medium/Author)

Has published over 50,000 articles and has over a million dumb followers. Most of his material is stolen from Tim Denning, rewritten in Jarvis and retagged Self-Unimprovement.

New Medium Name: COPY

New Medium Slogan: THERE’S ALWAYS TIME TO PLAGIARISE

2. Mrs R. Normal

Has been on Medium for eight months and has developed a loyal following by writing on non-pretentious subjects such as art, history, and cooking. Avoids personal growth pieces, as she’s quite happy at 5'5”.

New Medium Name: RUN-OF-THE-MILL

New Medium Slogan: SIMPLE EVERYDAY SUGGESTIONS

3. D. Trump

Has been on Medium since being made redundant in 2020. Doesn’t have an opinion on anything, and most of his articles consist of dull repetition of items he saw on Fox News that morning.

New Medium Name: MAGA

New Medium Slogan: VOTE FOR TRUMP 2024

4. Procrastinator Phil

Has been a member for five years, and has written one article with another in progress. He has a wide range of interests, but can’t get started on anything.

New Medium Name: The Procrastinator

New Medium Slogan: (Sorry, I haven’t got round to that yet)

5. Self-Help Guru

Has been on Medium forever, and has helped countless people waste their hard-earned money on pointless courses they don’t need. So naturally, she is happy for a name change, so she can start all over again.

New Medium Name: REPEAT

New Medium Slogan: Repeating the same old courses I've done many times before.

That concludes the entries.

And the winner is:

…..you’ll have to wait until next time.

Thanks for reading, and please note, if you haven’t already realized, and are dumber than you look, this is purely fictional. Medium is not changing its name. Not yet, anyway.

For more dumb shit, check out

Satire
Humor
Medium
Comedy
Nonfiction
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